Get your towels ready. E3 kicks off on Sunday with Microsoft's Natal Experience, before plunging headlong into an orgy of motherfucking gaming news, motherf**ker. We're as ready as we'll ever be. Time for you to get up to speed.
We running this: let's go. Hit the link for final timings on VG247's press conference coverage. In triplicate.
Silo Sunday, June 13
Microsoft's Natal Experience - 7.00pm PST, 3am BST, 4am CET Microsoft isn't allowing any recording equipment in here at all, but we'll have two people on-site. If there's any news, we'll get it out. Don't be gigantically shocked if we get a rebranding and a date, although there's a good chance Microsoft will save over retail info for its main conference the following day.
Megaton Monday, June 14
Microsoft - 10.00am PST, 6pm BST, 7pm CET The gaming world will hit DEFCON 1 in LA's morning on June 14, when Microsoft's bosses take to the E3 stage for the show's proper start. Do not blink. Both myself and Nathan will be liveblogging this and posting photos, and we'll have a full-team on-hand in both the US and UK for "news management". There are likely to be some very big shocks, with a possible Slim reveal just one of many possible web-melters. We'll bring you details of all the video streams nearer the time.
EA - 2.00pm PST, 10pm BST, 11pm CET Again, both Nathan and I will be in this shooting back text and images. Criterion's Need for Speed could well air for the first time here, and you can expect fresh media on Medal of Honor, Crysis 2, Bulletstorm, Star Wars: The Old Republic and tons more. Mass Effect 3? Don't bet against it.
Ubi - 5.00pm PST, 1am BST, 2am CET We'll have full coverage again. Driver, Ghost Recon, Assassin's Creed and more make this an essential view, even if it takes place at 1.00am UK. If the wife complains, explain how important a place games news occupies in her life. Tell the kids, too. Just don't tell the divorce lawyer.
Tectonic Tuesday, June 15
Nintendo - 9.00am PST, 5.00pm BST, 6pm CET This, to be frank, is going to be f**king mental. Nintendo's already confirmed it's to show 3DS and the next main Zelda game here, and those two announcements alone will be enough to have our tech guys dropping their phones down the toilet. We'll have the full team on hand for this, and, again, we'll being you all the details of video streams in good time. To reiterate, this will contain a Nintendo hardware reveal - don't miss it.
Sony - 12.00pm PST, 8.00pm BST, 9.00pm CET The nukes will be f**king carpet-bombing by this point, and you'd have to be a grade-A simpleton to miss anything Sony has to say. Move, 3D, GT5, inFamous 2, LBP2, Last Guardian, Killzone 3 - it's a multiple warhead assault straight up your f**king asshole. God only knows what we haven't seen yet. Agent? GTA V? PSP2? Nathan's interviewing Mikami while this is on, so there's only me in here with three staff off-site in the US and UK, but I'm more than man enough to do the job of two. I am literally two men. We'll bring you all the stream news later in the week.
Miyamoto event - 7.00pm PST, 3.00am BST, 4.00am CET Nintendo's dev hero did a similar event last year, and considering we will have seen 3DS and the new Zelda earlier in the day this makes it an essential factory for weapons-grade plutonium manufacture. We'll be in the audience wearing NBC suits to stave off the fallout from the previous two days for this, but if there's news it'll be on VG247.
White-out Wednesday, June 16
Konami - 1.00pm PST, 9.00pm BST, 10.00pm CET This is being streamed directly from Konami's site, and both Nathan and I were booked for this time weeks ago, so we're not going to have anyone in the crowd. Steph, Johnny and Joe will be on this like rabid, nuclear wolves, though. Metal Gear: Rising and Castlevania are certs, so be sure to be watching VG247 for all the news at it happens.
It goes without saying that we're going to have the best E3 news coverage on the internet next week, so keep it locked for extensive details on all the news, games, cock-waving, buy-outs, launches and exec interviews and everything else from LA. We'll have it all or die trying.