10 things we spotted in the GTA 6 trailer release date announcement teaser image

Rockstar Games has just delivered a swanky graphic confirming that GTA 6’s first trailer is coming on December 5. Yes, that’s next Tuesday.

Please stop hyperventilating. Done? Good.

As with anything that looks, sounds, or smells vaguely like the next entry in the GTA series, a video game that could well end up setting fire to existing sales records and will definitely birth at least 20 insufferable fan Twitter accounts, this tease must be examined with a microscope. After all, who knows what kinds of shocking secrets about the game could be hidden within it?

So, we’ve put on our trench coat and fedora to fish 10 interesting things you might not have noticed out of the GTA 6 trailer promo image canal.

1. The Trees

GTA 6 has trees confirmed. A massive show-up for those who’ve been asking Rockstar to cut out the crime and go down the nature-sim route. In all seriousness, the fact the trees seen on the right and left sides of the image are palm trees probably means we’re headed somewhere nice and warm in terms of a setting. Maybe Vice City, as some pesky reports earlier this year said.

No, wait a minute, that’s too damn obvious! It’s what they’d want us to think. There’s nothing to say those are naturally-occuring palm trees. They could easily be potted versions bought from a local garden centre and posed for the image. Or they could be fake plastic plants, like the kind your mum bought after the fact every living indoor plant she bought died within two weeks started to get to her a bit. Dammit Rockstar, this lead’s a dead end.

2. The Birds

No, this isn’t Springwatch. This is hardcore detecting! There are three silhouetted birds in the image, just below the text and logo (hold your horses, we’ll get to those). Three little birds, I know what you’re thinking: three player co-op, three protagonists, three types of plane to fly… but those seem a bit too conspicuous.

Bob Marley. They’re three little birds. Singing sweet songs of melodies pure and true. Saying, "This is my message to you-ou-ou". Bob’s gonna play a major role in GTA 6, I can feel it. Maybe he’s the third protagonist alongside that Bonnie and Clyde-style pairing we’ve heard about. Finally, something certain to go on.

3. The Sky/colours

Yes.

A sunset. Or is it a sunrise? Damn, what are those rhymes my mum taught me again? Well, unless GTA 6 is going to feature some shepherds or fishermen, I doubt they’re relevant anyway.

Wait. Purple. The colour of Grimace from those old McDonalds ads. Orange, the colour of the Hamburglar’s hair.

It can’t be.

GTA 6 is gonna be about what happens once those poor mascots were no longer getting Maccy Ds checks isn’t it? They’re the duo of store-robbing protagonists. I mean, look at the Hamburglar’s attire, he’s already dressed for the occasion! How could we all have been so stupid?

4. The Shape

It’s square. Not rectangular. Not circular. Not triangular. The image itself that Rockstar has posted is square. How is that relevant? Well, most of the usual promo images the publisher posts on the socials aren’t square.

They’re 1920 x 1080. They’re 16:9. They’re normal. This one isn’t. It’s perfectly symmetrical. What does it mean? Is GTA 6 gonna be for squares? Is it gonna cater to nerds, dweebs, geeks, and - Lord help us - dorks? Are we entering an era of smartypants GTA? Is every NPC you kill going to drop a calculator? Will one mission involve abstaining from bathing for three weeks in order to infiltrate a Star Trek convention? Are there going to be 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197 missions?

Oh, sweet Jesus…

5. The Logo

Now we’re getting to the elements it’s impossible to be sure about. We’ll have to rely on good, old-fashioned hunches. The logo could represent Rockstar Games and suggest that it’s developed the game, but that’s way too easy. It has to mean more.

R. RRR. ARRRRGHHH.

That’s it. Pirates.

Skull and Bones might still be coming at some point before the end of time, and Rockstar wanted to compete with it, so GTA 6 will focus on robbing people as 21st century pirates! They added big planes last time, so it’ll be big boats this time. And that star. No. It can’t be.

Space pirates. A competitor for Starfield too.

Bravo, folks. You’ve outdone yourselves this time.

6. The Text

Good golly Miss Molly, we’re in at the deep end now. The text. It reads “Trailer 1. Tuesday, December 5. 9AM ET.” Three lines, maybe… no wait, Bob Marley was into a different kind of drug. There’s no year indicated in the date. Oh my God. That previous post about the trailer didn’t say a year either. It just said: “We are very excited to let you know that in early December, we will release the first trailer for the next Grand Theft Auto.”

Early December, which year? Tuesday, December 5, which year? We’ve all made a terrible mistake. The GTA 6 trailer might not be coming in 2023. It could be December 5, 2024 or December 5, 2025. Or December 5, 2467!

It’s the Mayan calendar all over again. Nothing’s going to happen on Tuesday, December 5, at 9AM ET. Trailer 1 is the greatest hoax of our time.

We’ve cracked the case.