In my final year of Primary School the whole of Year 6 worked together to create a time capsule. This was nothing new, I’m sure. No doubt that school field is now almost impossible to navigate without stepping on precious artifacts of a bygone era. But, the point is, we were attempting to put together a package that one day would be looked at by future children (probably with hover boots, and hover cars, and hover food, and hover dogs), so they could appreciate the wonderful world we lived in.
My memory is a little hazy about the exact specifics of the items included, but there was definitely a Troll with bright orange hair. There was a piece of a sponge football (useful!), some braided string, a packet of pickled onion Space Raiders crisps (Best Before Date well before the capsule was due to be uncovered), and one of those bike reflectors that you got in packets of Frosties cereal. All absolutely perfect examples of early ‘90s childhood, I think you’ll agree.
Unfortunately, there wasn’t room for everyone in Year 6 to donate an item, but because I was undoubtedly the most popular, smartest child in the school at that time I was given the opportunity to put forth an item.
I was well into football by that stage, but given that someone else had already put in the quite frankly absurd and idiotic “bit of a used football” I had to think outside the box. I had the idea. Childhood was essentially pretty simple back then. Playing outside, rolling up newspapers to hit people with, and collecting football stickers.
The thing was, though, that I didn’t fancy giving up any of my precious swapsies collection. I did have a massive dislike of Manchester United, though, buoyed by my classmates being the worst glory supporters of all time.
So, I waved goodbye to my 1993 Merlin's Premier League #56 Lee Sharpe sticker. I hope one day a child will see your face and discover how you went on to throw a BBQ for your fans, hosted at your own house.
So, with that wholesome tale of a world worth preserving, welcome to the VG247 Best Games Ever Podcast, Episode 14: Best game you’d fire into space to prove the Earth isn’t worth saving. That segue was so severe I’m sorry if it caused you whiplash.
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“What is VG247’s Best Games Ever Podcast?” you ask while wondering which football sticker you'd be willing to entomb in a time capsule. Or L.O.L. Surprise sticker, whatever the stickers you chose to collect. Anyway, this podcast, which is why you're on this page (not to run over impossible choices in your mind), is essentially a 30-minute panel show where people (me and some others on VG247) decide on the best game in a specific category. That's it. It's good. Listen to it.
We’ve got some details on the show’s content below (if you want to get a refresher before heading to the comments to make a wonderful, considered post or don’t want to listen but do want to know what games we picked), so if you want to avoid spoilers, don’t scroll past this fan-made creation of what Chris Bratt would look like if he was fired into space. (Support friends of VG247, People Make Games, on Patreon).
The Best game you’d fire into space to prove the Earth isn’t worth saving
This is the topic of Episode fourteen of VG247’s Best Games Ever Podcast. Here’s a rundown of who picked what.
Tom – Most Roblox games
Roblox is full of mindless games that are designed to encourage in-game spending to reach an arbitrary goal. Most have little gameplay other than repeatedly pressing a button, such as Strongman Simulator. It's tedious in the extreme and an example of why we don't deserve video games.
Alex – Gal Gun
I'm not even embedding a video for this one. Just listen to us talk about it on the podcast and you'll understand why. If you Google it, maybe don't do it on a work computer.
Connor - Detroit: Become Human
Detroit: Become Human is a game that makes me very, very sad. I don't understand how Quantic Dreams keeps getting away with it. Every time they release a game, you get a visually impressive product with a few golden nuggets, just washed down with the most obnoxious writing and narrative direction in the world. But they keep coming back! Somehow dragging big names like Clancy Brown (voice of Mr Krabs) for amazing performances in so-so games.
It's the perfect example of missed potential, of numerous second chances given to people who in my opinion shouldn't have them. If you shot this into space and aliens got their hands on it, they'd probably feel super disappointed at it all and drift away towards exploding suns, a comet, or a million other things more interesting.
Come back in a week for another episode of VG247’s Best Games Ever Podcast.
If you want more podcasts, you could do worse than checking out our friends at Rock Paper Shotgun who have the Electronic Wireless Show. Eurogamer has two shows (greedy!), Digital Foundry has DF Direct, Dicebreaker covers the world of tabletop gaming, and the Outside Xbox lot has Oxventure - A Dungeons & Dragons Podcast.