Mon, Jul 26, 2010 | 09:45 BST
Rumour: “GTA V is set in…”
“Heathrow’s off at the next exit.”
“I should have bought my sat nav.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“This morning wasn’t so good.”
“I suppose it isn’t easy leaving them for trips.”
“Yes. Look.”
“What?”
“It was more than that. And this isn’t a trip, as such. Thanks for coming to help with the car.”
“It’s nothing. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Don’t, alright? Not now.”
“Sorry. What’s up?”
“I told her.”
“Told her what?”
“I told her I’m gay.”
[pause]
“What?”
“I told her I’m gay.”
“What?”
“I thought this is what you wanted.”
“Jesus. Well, yes. But. Fuck. Turn off here.”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure you’re gay?”
“The ‘bumming men’ gave it away, I think. Well, ‘bumming man’.”
“Really?”
“There was never anyone else.”
“Oh my God. What about the kids?”
“I don’t know. I’m dying. I just had to tell her and go.”
“I. I.”
“This isn’t about you. I mean, it is, but I had to do it. Pass me a cigarette, will you.”
“Yes. Here.”
[zippo]
“Thanks.”
“Look, I have to say this. Hang on: where the fuck are you going?”
“America. I’ll be back in about a month. I’m sorry. I know this isn’t ideal. I’m very glad you could come with me today.”
“There’s still an us?”
“Yes, of course.”
“OK. Look, I’m so sorry. About the funeral. And the other times. I’ll really try to lay off it from now on. I think I was hitting it so hard because of the situation between the two of us. I’ve been seriously fucked up by the whole thing.”
“I know. And I’m sorry too. I. I’m not normally such a cunt. I’ve been horrible to my wife. And to you.”
“Here.”
“Yes.”
“What did she say?”
“She said she knew something was going on, but when I told her it was a man she was stunned.”
[window, flicking sound]
“I know this sounds awful, but I’m extremely happy.”
“I know you are.”
“There’s a space there.”
[seatbelts and doors slamming. suitcase and boot. remote key lock. break in recording. static for approximately 11 minutes]
“OK. I’m going to check in.”
“Don’t.”
“I have to. I’m going.”
“No, I don’t mean that. I. Oh God. I.”
“What?”
“I love you.”
[pause. muffled tannoy]
“I love you too.”
[crying, a crushing sound]
“OK. I really am going.”
“OK. Please call me.”
“I will.”
[pause]
“Wait.”
“Yes?”
“What about that story you mentioned?”
“[laughs] You’re shocking.”
“Man’s got to live.”
“This is a big one. And they’re about to close your gate.”
“No problem. We’re in an airport. It’s full of planes.”
“It’s GTA V.”
“About time.”
“It’s not easy.”
“I know. Did you get the setting?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“And?”
“It’s set in Hollywood.”
“OK.”
[pause]
“Really?”
“That’s what I’ve been told.”
“Seems small.”
“Yeah, well. I didn’t make it.”
“Who?”
“Come on.”
“You asked Rockstar?”
“No comment.”
“Right.”
“They’re going to announce it soon.”
“When?”
“I don’t know. I think it’s going to be at the Max Payne 3 event. ‘Soon’ is all that was said. I doubt GI’s canvassing opinion on location for fun.”
“I saw that, yeah.”
“That’s it.”
“OK. I appreciate it.”
“No sweat. I’ve got another good one for you. Maybe that’ll help make your mind up about coming back from the US.”
“No doubt.”
[pause]
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
91 comments
Older Comments
#51
Blerk
26/07/10, 4:19 pm
Is it really so hard to scan down the text and pick out the bit that’s actually about GTA?
#52
Crysis
26/07/10, 4:22 pm
There is no explanations to this, just seems like 2 people talking, i’m confused, WHERE’S THE SUBTEXT FOR US LAZY, DUMB ARSES OUTHERE!?!?!
#53
mington
26/07/10, 4:23 pm
Every time someone reads this article a fairy dies
#54
Gekidami
26/07/10, 4:24 pm
Hum, i could be wrong but wasnt Vinewood a part of SA?
#55
Blerk
26/07/10, 4:25 pm
Do you mean fairies, or ‘fairies’?
#56
Kerplunk
26/07/10, 4:25 pm
@51 About as hard to scan past a comment that you may wish to ignore.
When that IGNORE button comes in can we get a “strip out the egotistical wankfiction and cut to the chase” button please?
#57
Dr.Ghettoblaster
26/07/10, 4:27 pm
@51. Yes. Annoying as hell too.
#58
Patrick Garratt
26/07/10, 4:49 pm
Good Lord. I think I’ll open the ongoing plot up to public poll. Like the BT ads. And Gears of War 3.
*cigar*
#59
aleFH
26/07/10, 5:21 pm
What the fuck is this? O_o
#60
G1GAHURTZ
26/07/10, 5:23 pm
Ohhhh… I get it!
Pat’s coming out.
#61
yacaman
26/07/10, 6:15 pm
Hollywood
“No problem. We’re in an airport. It’s full of planes.”
“It’s GTA V.”
“About time.”
“It’s not easy.”
“I know. Did you get the setting?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“And?”
“It’s set in Hollywood.”
“OK.”
#62
walk_star
26/07/10, 6:35 pm
Write real articles please.
#63
Howie Feltersnatch
26/07/10, 7:30 pm
This dialoge in place of where an article should be, makes the author look like an arrogant, conceeded prick. Not to mention an idiot given his response above…
I’ll get my news elsewhere, thanks Patrick Garratt.
#64
Boris Fett
26/07/10, 7:41 pm
@63 Don’t let the door hit you on the way out! =D
#65
Moonwalker1982
26/07/10, 8:48 pm
So London? Hmmm…..don’t know about that one. For me what was missing in GTA IV was the countryside, everything non-city that was in San Andreas. Forests,mountains, you name it. I surely hope we’ll get to see more than just the city London with also outside of it.
Oh wait, i read wrong. Its Hollywood…but everything else i said, i hope that’ll be in V too.
#66
Herlock
26/07/10, 8:52 pm
Tired about US…, need GTA in Europe PLZ!!!
#67
Yoshi
26/07/10, 10:48 pm
Wheres Vice City Damit!
#68
AHA-Lambda
26/07/10, 10:51 pm
vice city 2!!!!
and yeah seriously don’t do this shit again, skimming this i thought it was london it was set in and got kinda excited then i read the full thing. Hollywood is fine but london would be really cool
A) why just why was this done like this
B) you didn’t even state where the info came from!!
so yeah….
http://knowyourmeme.com/i/125/original/wrong10.jpg
#69
Mike
26/07/10, 11:08 pm
If he states where the info came from, he’ll never be trusted with inside info again. Surely this is clearly obvious.
#70
AHA-Lambda
26/07/10, 11:12 pm
i dont mean anything specific but even just a simple statement like “vg247 has been informed from an independent source that GTA V is possibly being set in hollywood” insteda of this guff.
There’s a difference between that and just saying hollywood is the location within some weird ,arbitrary fictional backdrop like this
#71
Boris Fett
26/07/10, 11:18 pm
Or how about people lighten up and just take it for what it is? Pat isn’t exactly known for being a dishonest reporter, so bitching about the way its written is utterly meaningless. The news is still being reported.
Pat has been doing this for years, and he’ll be doing it for years to come. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Fucking entitled internet whiners. Jesus.
#72
Stephany Nunneley
27/07/10, 12:28 am
@71 Just for that Boris, I’ll be your Natasha any day
#73
Boris Fett
27/07/10, 12:31 am
@73 I’m not entirely sure what that’s means, but it sounds hot. *laughs* So okay, gladly!
#74
Psychotext
27/07/10, 12:43 am
Rocky and Bullwinkle
#75
Jun284
27/07/10, 1:58 am
What the hell is this dialogue bullshit??? Can’t you people just give straight news articles??? Is this a made up convo or one that actually happened? Who were the people talking??? I couldn’t care less about some homo telling a woman that he takes it up the butt.
#76
Psychotext
27/07/10, 2:13 am
It’s happened about four times in the last three years. Get over yourself.
#77
Boris Fett
27/07/10, 2:26 am
@75 Then go find your news somewhere else. The GROWN-UPS are too busy having a laugh at this to care.
Don’t take the internet so goddamn seriously.
#78
Mike
27/07/10, 8:18 am
OMG this article is different and not straightforward, therefore I don’t like it. It demands that I use my brain a bit and doesn’t spell things out for me clearly.
I hate life.
#79
Blerk
27/07/10, 8:34 am
Well, one thing’s for sure – after the reaction to this article today you can pretty much bet that Pat’ll…. be doing it again sooner rather than later.
#80
Tonka
27/07/10, 8:35 am
Hahah, ROLF! Zippo, not zippER!
Hahaha ;_;
I read it wrong the first time.
gods…
Is this parodying anything btw? It feels as if something is going over my head…
#81
Johnny Cullen
27/07/10, 8:38 am
I feel the space and time continuum has ripped a bit after yesterday.
#82
Mike
27/07/10, 8:48 am
Yeah, I can smell it, too.
#83
BLunted
28/07/10, 1:11 pm
what the fuck is this shit? can’t you just write a simple article?
#84
mington
28/07/10, 1:28 pm
This article has made my anus bleed
…or maybe that was the beerwurst
#85
daytripper
28/07/10, 1:37 pm
@83 is your head made of lego?
#86
mington
28/07/10, 1:53 pm
that would be sweet
#87
BLunted
28/07/10, 1:55 pm
@85
why? because I would like to get the gist without having to be subjected to some lame-ass attempt at writing a screenplay?
#88
daytripper
28/07/10, 2:00 pm
I cant say, i’m under NDA
#89
mington
28/07/10, 2:10 pm
I 4 won h8d it!!11!!1!
Pat should cut off the fingers he used to type it with
#90
PopTarTs
09/08/10, 3:50 am
(I registered just to say this)For this new Grand Theft Auto (if it ever comes out)since there going back to Hollywood my suggestion is that they use C.J. from the original San Andreas for this new version of San Andreas,I think people would be very happy to see him still alive and kickin’ ass,but still its just a thought
#91
Crysis
09/08/10, 7:56 am
ya posted 12 days too late, this news is old
Older Comments