Disclaimer: For legal reasons some of the names of the people involved in this story have been altered.
”Steve,” exclaimed the supply teacher, Miss Personality Vacuum.
”Yes, Miss,” replied Steve.
”Here, Miss,” replied Frank.
”Yes, Miss,” replied George.
”Yes, Miss, here” replied Stacey.
”Dickhead,” continued Miss Personality Vacuum.
There was silence, only broken by the slight sound of heads turning and necks rubbing against shirt collars.
”Dickhead,” Miss Personality Vacuum stated once more, this time accompanied by a vague look out across the classroom.
Still only skin on cotton could be heard, but the turned heads might as well have been drawing an arrow pointing straight at Dickhead.
”Dickhead, if that is you, please can you reply,” asked Miss Personality Vacuum quite politely.
”My name isn’t Dickhead,” said Dickhead with all the petulance of talking baby Jack Russell.
”I’m sorry,” said Miss V. “What is your name?”
”Dick,” sneered Dickhead.
”OK, thank you,” said Miss V, letting the tone go unpunished to just get through the register.
”Kate,” enquired Miss V.
”Aren’t you going to call my name?” interrupted Dickhead.
”OK, yes,” said Miss V now a little flustered and clearly slightly annoyed but trying not to show it. “Dick.”
Miss V stared at Dickhead with the kind of stare that would either turn you to stone or burn a hole straight through you.
”My name is Dickhead,” said Dickhead.
I fucking hated Dickhead. And with that, Welcome to the VG247 Best Games Ever Podcast, Episode 12: Best game you hated for a very specific reason.
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Please do let us know what you think of the show – and if this is your first time listening, do go back to listen to the previous episodes. If you’ve got suggestions for topics, we’d love to hear them. I don't want to say we’re scraping the barrel, but well... someone suggested “Best game with a duck” the other day and for a moment I thought it was the best idea of all time.
“What is VG247’s Best Games Ever Podcast?” you ask while trying to work out what Dickhead’s real name was. Three syllables and could be shortened to two. That’s the only clue you’re getting. I expect he's gone on to star in a 30-minute panel show where people decide on the best game in a specific category, just like this podcast – although unlike this podcast, that show is likely mean spirited, clueless, and not as smart as it thinks it is.
We’ve got some details on the show’s content below (if you want to get a refresher before heading to the comments to make a wonderful, considered post or don’t want to listen but do want to know what games we picked), so if you want to avoid spoilers, don’t scroll past this fan-made creation of what Chris Bratt would look like if he was a rather large chocobo (Support friends of VG247, People Make Games, on Patreon).
The Best Game that you hated for a very specific reason
This is the topic of Episode twelve of VG247’s Best Games Ever Podcast. Here’s a rundown of who picked what.
Tom – Final Fantasy 7 (original release)
Yes, I have picked one of the most loved games of all time, but no, I haven’t gone for the reason that the game’s marketing sold people a game that wasn’t as it seemed. Essentially, I got stuck on disc one, OK? Maybe I was bored and really couldn’t be bothered to figure out what I was meant to be doing, but in my mind the Saucer area was so bad that I just gave up.
Alex – From Russia With Love
Sean Connery providing his voice and likeness to a new Bond game! What could go wrong? Well, it seems the performance could. As much as Sean is loved in the classic James Bond movies, his acting in the PS2-era video game is borderline terrible. Such a shame.
James – Persona 4
Persona 4 is a fantastic game where you find out that rural life can be more exciting than you ever imagined, as you solve the enigmatic case of an otherworldly killer and make the kind of friendships that last a lifetime. The only trouble is you can throw all of that away in the space of a single conversation, along with potentially hours-upon-hours of progress and invested time. Nowhere inside of the game does it tell you any of this, but you should've worked at the corner shop more, idiot.
Let us know what game you’d pick and if you think James writes jokes in advance so he can read off a script? If you like the podcast, please subscribe and leave a review saying how wonderful it is, and tell all your friends. Do a tweet about it, post on Facebook, or be one of those people that walk around town with a boombox and rig it to play the latest episode at an obscene volume.
Come back in a week for another episode of VG247’s Best Games Ever Podcast.
If you want more podcasts, you could do worse than checking out our friends at Rock Paper Shotgun who have the Electronic Wireless Show. Eurogamer has two shows (greedy!), Digital Foundry has DF Direct, Dicebreaker covers the world of tabletop gaming, and the Outside Xbox lot has Oxventure - A Dungeons & Dragons Podcast.