April Fools Round-Up 2015: Tears of a Clown
Every April 1 it becomes the darkest timeline in every universe.
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And so we return again to April 1, the darkest day in news history, as publishers and developers reach out with their jokes. Half of them aren't funny and the other half are things fans wish were real. It's a trying time if you're looking for real information. Luckily, you have us in your corner.
In the spirit of information, here's a collection of all the April Fools releases that we've found online today.
Speedrunners Gets a New Pixel Art Style
If you've ever thought that Speedrunners needs to be more 8-bit, Tinybuild added a new pixel art filter to the entire game. In their own words:
"More and more indie titles these days are going down the pixel-art route. It’s widely believed that this is down to the reduced costs of producing pixel-art — but new research discovered by tinyBuild suggests that the average consumer is more likely to purchase a game if it is presented in this style."
Unfortunately, it looks like the filter may have been taken down as actually Speedrunners players felt it was "unplayable". The curse of April Fools.
Dying Light Makes Everyone Super-Human
Yes, you're already somewhat superhuman in Dying Light, allowing you to survive falls and jumps that would kill a normal person. For one day only though, the anti-zombification drugs you take on a regular basis will give you the ability to send zombies flying with your punches and kicks. Movie Captain America-style, not comic Captain America-style.
Now You Can Be Solid Snake With This New Accessory!
Over at Hyper Douraku, the popular online home for Japan's extensive Airsoft gun community, there's a new item for sale! Enter the Tactical Cardboard Box Pro! This handy box will hide you from enemies, has a nifty slit to see and shoot out of, and comes in three colors: Tan, Black, and Camo. Inspired by the famous Solid Snake, of course! There was never any Kojima Production branding on this box, so there's nothing for Konami to remove!
Google Shows Us Pac-Man is Everywhere
Last year, Google wanted Maps users to become Pokemon Masters, but this year, they're looking to show us all that Pac-Man is always with us. Yes, even now, it follows. You can load up any address, click the Pac-Man button in the lower right-hand corner and you're off to the races. The address needs to have enough roads to play the game, but otherwise, anywhere is available!
The Blizzpocalypse!
Blizzard always goes all-out with a different April Fools joke for every title it releases and this year is no different. Over in World of Warcraft land, there's the all-new T.I.N.D.R. Box, which allows you Garrison followers the chance to find true love. Personally, this almost falls in the "why isn't this real?" category.
In Heroes of the Storm, an in-game update has added Big Head Mode to the game. This is the most practical of Blizzard's jokes, but practicality is boring! Into the fire with it! (I will play Big Head tonight.)
The Diablo III side of Blizzard is introducing (fake) B'Motes expression packs, so you can talk to your friends without taking your eyes off the game. That means new express lines in Hearthstone; Heroes of the Storm's Commanding Voice Pack, which changes your chat text into something your Hero would actually say; the Starcraft II Field Commander Pack, which lets you speak like a real Protoss or Zerg soldier; or the Diablo III Boss Barbs Pack, letting you insult your favorite loot pinatas.
Finally, Hearthstone has a new patch with a host of changes for the fan-favorite card battler. Here's some great fixes from the Patch Notes:
- We’ve implemented a new card type, Ninjas, which ALWAYS beat Pirate cards!
- Mistress of Pain has turned over a new leaf and is now called Mistress of Uncomfortableness.
- After many bouts with brain freeze, Snowchugger now eats snow at a more reasonable rate.
- Naturalize now causes Zombie Chow and Poison Seeds to be all-natural, vegan, and gluten free.
- The spell Blizzard now causes enemy minions to attack Soon™.
- Pirates will now always beat the new Ninja sub-type, because Pirates are obviously better.
- Fixed an error where Skill Command was incorrectly named Kill Command. The Hunter spell will now correctly do damage based on the caster’s skill at Hearthstone.
Corsair Leaves Digital Lasers Behind for a Mechanical Mouse
Mechanical keyboards are better, what about mechanical mice? Corsair has been researching way to make mice fully mechanical and they're ready. Enter the Corsair M63MM RGB Mechanical Gaming Mouse, which puts a new spin on some old technology.
Capcom Takes Ace Attorney in a New Direction
The next Ace Attorney leaves behind reality altogether with a new cast of furry friends. I'm not sure that a commentary or not.
Swery Makes People Cry
Over on the official D4 site, Swery and his crew tease D5: Dark Dreams Don't Die with Deadly Premonition. The fake game brings together protagonists of Deadly Premontion and D4 to... eat breakfast? Yeah, sure.
PlayStation Embraces Wearable Technology
Sony Computer Entertainment wants to make all those annoying water levels more interactive. The PlayStation Flow system contains googles and sensors, allowing you to control your in-game character by swimming in real-life.
"PlayStation Flow combines PS4 gaming with real-life swimming. When you get to an underwater section of a game like The Last of Us Remastered you can hit pause, head to your nearest pool, dive in and resume playing through PlayStation Flow. With underwater environments in games becoming more and more realistic, we think that PlayStation Flow provides a natural enhancement to player experience."
This is the point where my earthy body expires, sending my soul towards heaven.
Wargaming Has a Bit of Fun
Wargaming is getting into the April Fools action this year! The first joke sends World of Tanks for Xbox 360 to an all-new battlefield: The Moon. A new tank and physics engine lets players experience the magic of low-gravity tank combat! This is another of those jokes that I want to be real.
They also created a 2D browser game for World of Warships called Ocean Drift. It's a little bit of Pac-Man and a little bit of Atari's Tank. Decent time-waster.
Love is In The Air
A company that's known for having RPGs that are simply elaborate dating sims, Bioware's joke this year involves teasing an actual dating sim! Nug Elope involves the cute nugs from Dragon Age Inquisition, looking for love in all the wrong places. Imagine Hatoful Boyfriend with nugs.
"Meet more than 472 unique nugs, each with their own style and personality. Form deep, lasting bonds with a rich and flavorful cast. Learn the tenderness of love in breathtaking scenes of nug passion… and then experience the capriciousness of life as your companions are wiped out with little to no explanation by the cruelty of nature. Then do it all over again in Nug Game Plus!"
Of course, Harmonix decided to take it a step further with Romance Central, throwing the gauntlet down at Bioware with an actual playable game. You have to install the Unity Web Player to play it, but it's remarkable how much effort actually went into it.
The Real Steam Machines
Finally, ThinkGeek is offering the very first Steam machine, actually powered by a steam engine and housed within a wooden gaming cabinet.
"Using a patent-pending miniature boiler mechanism, a stationary steam engine produces all the electricity you need to play your games. Of course you’ll need to keep a close eye on the boiler pressure, stoke the fire, grease all internal lubrication points, and properly rectify the output voltage, but isn’t the enjoyment you’ll receive worth it?
"It's not real, but it's so damn beautiful.