Please stop making Link do obscene things in Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

As if the rite of passage for any game that has some flexible gameplay systems, The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom players are making Link do some obscene things.

A triple whammy of gameplay/ light story/ NSFW warnings for this one.

If you've read the Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild - Creating a Champion book, there's a good chance you've seen that drawing of a completely bare Link that shows he's missing a particular kind of weapon. Why the developers decided to share this with us, I'll never know, but obviously Tears of the Kingdom players have come to the conclusion that they have to remedy that in some shape or form. And so, they've been making Link create some obscene contraptions to compensate.

For one, there's this. Yes, it is able to move on its own. Yes, the wheels are meant to be the exact things you think they're meant to be. Yes, there are flames coming out from the tip. No, Link shouldn't be doing this.

The worst part is that the creator of this particular creation isn't even the only one to make a flamethrower you-know-what, as Twitter user and Breath of the Wild shenanigans haver Zakuya shared their own take on the whole flamethrower instead of body part shtick. Only difference is that some bombs were used to replace the certain round objects, which didn't end well for this particular creation.

Seriously, people cannot stop making creations that involve lengthy objects. Reddit user mooofasa didn't opt for the flamethrower route, though they did put a canon on theirs. Different strokes for different folks.

[ToTK] I dub thee, automated boner, go forth my child
by u/mooofasa1 in zelda

Not everyone is making Link build such structures his innocent little mind weren't meant to see, thankfully - no, some people are making him shoot right up the behind of statues. Makes a change at least.

Why can't you all just make a mech instead?