The VG247 holiday shopping list – existential crisis edition

By Mike Drucker, Monday, 2 December 2019 08:17 GMT


Ah, the holidays! It’s that special time of the year when we stop thinking about ourselves and use Christmas shopping guides to think about ourselves under the guise of thinking about others. And why wouldn’t we? Great deals can be found around every corner, a place one normally wouldn’t look for deals, which explains the surprise at that.

But with all the fun of the season, it can be hard to know what to buy for that special someone (yourself) in your life! What are the hottest new games? What gaming systems are on sale? What’s a third rhetorical question that will pad out this paragraph while still making it seem like I actually completed a purposeful thought?

Fortunately, you don’t need to go holiday shopping alone! On the off chance you haven’t seen one of the hundreds of shopping guides on other video game sites with nearly identical lists featuring nearly identical Amazon links that kick back a nearly identical small portion of sales to said websites, we’ve got you covered!

Let’s get to the part you’re already scrolling to!

Consoles

Buying a game console in 2019 is a tricky prospect. On one hand, new PlayStation and Xbox consoles are set to launch at the end of next year. On the other hand, if you’re reading this list there’s a 100% chance you own a gaming device. No offense to everyone here, but nobody who hasn’t played a game is stumbling upon this site and finding out for the first time what a PlayStation is. However, if you are looking for a new console and don’t know much about games, a good place to start is a Vectrex.

Nintendo Switch

Despite also being a gaming console, Nintendo Switch is required by law to have its own section on a gift list because its version of Witcher 3 is portable, but looks worse. There’s also a new, even more portable Nintendo Switch. Oh, and a new version of the regular, still-portable Switch. That one has a better battery life. But the old regular one is still for sale and might be bundled with new games. Look out for a red box, but not the red box with white on it, because that might be the old regular one, not the new regular one and certainly not the new more portable one. Or maybe it’s the full red box that has the old Switch and the white and red one that has the new one? Anyway – good luck!

Gaming Desktops

Sort of like gaming consoles, except more expensive and whatever you order is wrong. Then people online will yell at you to just build a computer, which you’ll get wrong too.

Gamer Chairs

Despite their bad reputation, gamer chairs are an amazing purchase for anyone who enjoys looking bad while wanting to give off the impression they have too much money. Coming in shades ranging from Mountain Dew Green to Mountain Dew Red, gamer chairs are a must-have for anyone whose entire personality is constructed around a hobby. Word of warning: while gamer chairs might seem like a normal replacement for a regular chair you might have a desk, you’ll need to remove any mirrors you have in the room to avoid seeing what you look like using it.

Board Games

With their variety in cost and gameplay, board games are the perfect gift for someone who wants to make all their friends wait in silence for 45 minutes as they try to explain the rules. Your options are almost limitless. For just a few pounds, you can get a party game that will frustrate anyone who believes in “rules” or not winning by shouting “dildo”. Or you can splurge and get a beautiful, in-depth experience that you’ll never find anyone willing to sacrifice an entire weekend to play. You could schedule a regular Thursday night thing, but you know someone’s going to cancel and that’ll throw off the whole point of Betrayal Legacy. At least reading the manual is fun.

Gaming Laptops

A gaming laptop? You’re really going to gift someone a whole gaming laptop? Jesus Christ, what are you, the mayor? Must be nice!

Headphones

If you want a gift that you’re sure to get wrong – even when buying for yourself – you gotta go with headphones! There’s never a right pair! Over the ears? In the ears? You could go with Beats, but then you’re the type of person who still buys Beats. AirPod Pros sound good – or do they? You saw a review says that Sony’s are better at noise cancellation – but those ones look weird, don’t they? Jabra – that’s a word! There are a few good gaming headsets, but they tend to glow a color best described as ‘asshole neon’. You could really splurge and get Bose headphones but then you’ll spend every moment worried you’ll break them. No right answers here.

Elgato Capture Card

Stop it. If you were going to become a famous streamer, it would’ve already happened. You really think that it’s the equipment keeping you from living your dreams? You think the capture card is going to let you monetize a hobby? It’s not the equipment. It’s not the opportunity. It’s you. Someone had to tell you. You’re 35.

Gaming Apparel

Sure. Fine. If this is where your mind is, I can’t stop you.

Retro Game Merchandise

If you don’t have a lot of money to spend, retro game merchandise makes a great gift for the totally normal person in your life. There’s nothing at all wrong with being the type of person who exclusively drinks out of a Pac-Man mug. Look, we all love games here. But I’ve literally got 22 working mini-arcade cabinets at my desk at work and the only reaction I receive is fear. Abject fear. Please let me know if you see any more mini-arcade cabinets. I’m dying.

Disco Elysium

Best game of the year and the only thing on this list worth buying.

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