E3 rumour extravaganza – Trico, Blizzard-Microsoft megaton and more dissected using Top Gun quotes

By Patrick Garratt, Friday, 20 March 2009 15:30 GMT

megatona

GDC’s next week. It’s nice and all, and there’s heavyweight talent in the house, but are you going to see the big game guns? Will you see the megaton flash? Will the internet crack in fear? You may not, and it probably won’t. E3 in June will be a different matter, however.

We’re already hearing a ton of rumour about plans for the Sony and Microsoft E3 keynotes, as if everyone else “in the industry”. Not so much with Nintendo, though. You know how it is.

Let’s go through it all, using Top Gun quotes as an indicator of how likely each is to happen. Don’t look at us like that. We like Top Gun.

Key:

  • Watch the mountains! – Goose says this to Maverick during flight training. What does it mean? It means this is comin’ at you, baby. Like a fucking freight-mountain. Don’t bet against it.
  • That’s right, Ice Man: I am dangerous. – We’ve heard it, but don’t be surprised if it’s just talk. There’s a lot of it about, you know.
  • Slider? You stink. – Seriously? It’s not happening.

What we’re hearing for the E3 keynotes:

  • Trico announcement – Like, dur. Verdict – Watch the mountains!
  • Slimline PS3 – Our source was sketchy on this, but there has been talk. It’s three years old and it’s the size of a house, we were told. But then, everyone thought Microsoft was going to do the same thing last year. Verdict – That’s right, Ice Man: I am dangerous.
  • Blu-ray-less PS3 – Of course not. Verdict – Slider? You stink.
  • Blizzard-Microsoft announcement – This could be fucking hot. We’ve seen it mentioned literally once online (thanks Blerk), but it could make for an absolutely incendiary 360 conference if it’s true. We stress the “if”. We can but dream – we’re talking in a news sense, before you start – but this is almost certainly bollocks. Verdict – Slider? You stink.
  • PSP-4000 – Slide-screen and all. It’s happening, OK? Verdict – Watch the mountains!
  • PS3 price cut – It may happen at the show, or it may be announced in the autumn, but it’s coming this year, Ringo. Scouts’ honour. PS3’s Q4 will be greatly “accelerated,” according to solid sources. Verdict – Watch the mountains!
  • Pre-E3 PS3 price cut – Just because a shop-keeper says it’s happening doesn’t necessarily make it fucking so. Verdict – Slider? You stink.
  • Forza 3 – We’re reliably informed it’s a Q4 biggie. Don’t be shocked when the wagons roll. This may get announced at a separate Microsoft event before E3, however. Verdict – Watch the mountains!
  • Gran Turismo PSP – The other massive brand the Americans said would hit PSP this year? It’s got Kazunori stamped all over it. Verdict – Watch the mountains!
  • Gran Turismo 5 – We’re not sure. It’s been mentioned to us in a “GT5 and GT PSP could both be out this year” way. Might. Might not. Verdict – That’s right, Ice Man: I am dangerous.
  • Crackdown 1.5 – Unless we’re being spectacularly lied to by several people, you can bet on this appearing either before E3 or at the show. Verdict – Watch the mountains!

Is there more? Sure there is. But you know what happened to the kid who ate all the pie, right? Let’s get GDC out of the way first, eh?

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