I have been waiting to write about this all day because oh my god.
Mass Effect attracted a devoted fanbase and Bioware has found tons of clever ways to satisfy that fanbase’s desire for clothes, collectibles, books, comics and toys related to the future world of Commander Shepard and company.
The company has been so prolific that I generally don’t report on new additions to the BioWare Store, even when they’re really sweet; I just buy them for myself.
But this one. Y’all, you really need to know about this one: it’s a talking Elcor plushie.
Elcor are the large quadruped aliens you encounter on the Citadel. Generally friendly, the Elcor are known for their slow, deliberate and virtually toneless speaking voices; they express themselves mostly through cues too subtle for non-Elcor to pick up one.
Other species have a hell of a time trying to understand what Elcor really mean, because they appear so emotionless, so they tend to prefix whatever they say with a verbal explanation of what would otherwise be communicated by tone, expression and body language.
This not only makes Elcor pretty endearing and interesting, it leads to some great jokes – like the Elcor rendition of Hamlet, and the Elcor partner in the Blasto movies.
In other words: Elcor are perfect, and the only thing wrong with the world today is that there hasn’t been a talking Elcor plushie before now.
The $30 talking plushie stands approximately 7″, is battery powered, and has the following dialogue:
- Affectionately: I love you.
- Uncontrollable Glee: Ha..Ha…that tickles.
- Manipulative Begging: Can we go see Blasto 6….Pleaaaaase.
- Superstitious Fear: Can you check under the bed for reapers.
- Continued Concern: Can you check the closet too.
Bioware has this to say about the toy:
“My Talking Elcor voices a love greater than the gravity of Dekuuna and is scientifically engineered for maximum huggability and affection. Give your loved ones a gift that will make them jump up and down shouting, ‘Jubilantly: Yay.’”
Oh god. It’s too wonderful. Please buy every single one so that when I go back to the BioWare Store after work there is a great big “sold out” sign preventing me from breaking my “no more non-essential purchases” rule.