The Internet Falls on Its Knees in Worship of Splatoon 2's New Pop Idols

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Splatoon 2 is coming, but the spokes-squids for the first game, Callie and Marie, are having some problems. Inkopolis won't be without pop stars, though. The July 6 Nintendo Direct for Splatoon 2 revealed two fresh new personalities: A female Inkling named Pearl, and a female Octoling named Marina.

Whereas the Splatoon fandom is split nearly in half in the case of "Callie vs Marie," there's no question Marina is the favorite figure in the new pop duo. Fan art and exclamations of love for the shy Octolilng filled up Twitter and Tumblr in record time.

Yeah, Marina does look perpetually frightened, but at the same time, she seems to love her job? Maybe she's an extreme introvert who's also good with people? I feel that feel, Marina.

Former USgamer Editor-in-Chief Jeremy Parish is wise in the ways of the online world.

Here's what happens when big news about a franchise intersects with big news about another franchise.

Pearl already knows she's not the favorite, Squid-God help us all.

She still has a few people cheering her on, though!

Case in point.

(Pearl does kind of look like a gremlin, though. And not the fuzzy, huggable Mogwai kind, either.)

I had a pair of sunglasses just like that when I was six!

Sometimes we can fool ourselves into believing the world will be OK.

Real talk: Pearl and Marina's catch phrase, "Don't get cooked / Stay off the hook" reminds me of the kind of stuff I'd hear out of second-rate mascots warning us schoolkids away from drugs. The '80s were a hell of a time, man.

I just want Pearl, Marina, Callie, and Marie to get together for coffee at the end of everything.

Oh God.

I'm not going to unsee this any time soon, either. Thanks for this, it's just wonderful.

…I'm mesmerized.

From far away, Kat is shouting at me about deadlines I've missed over and over. I hear her not. My entire world, my entire being, is about staring at Marina's "hair."

Yes, true.

Things are already personal.

There's no denying Nintendo's character creation has been on-point lately, though I've seen poor Pearl compared to a "garbage hobo." The competition between Callie and Marie ultimately caused a rift between the Sisters; I wonder if the overwhelming support for Marina will ultimately kindle a nuclear war.