Super Smash Bros. Nintendo Direct: the power and the passion

Tuesday's Super Smash Bros. Nintendo Direct set the internet alight. Rocket-heels, standing dinosaurs, delays and gender-bending - will the fighter's fanbase ever recover? Brenna recounts the dramas.

I'm only partially on board the Smash Bros. train, but you can't be a video game journalist and just pretend Nintendo doesn't exist (although the Wii U's making a spirited bid to change that oooooooooh yeah I said it). The amount of hype Smash Bros. produces is intense; it's no wonder Sony tried to get on board with the sadly received PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale (good work putting out an update on Smash Bros. Nintendo Direct week, Sony).

Watching every new reveal from a slight outsider perspective is amazing. Nintendo fans are notoriously outspoken but every little drip of Smash Bros. news causes tidal waves of ripples across the internet as we all go mad howling with delight and/or rage; which appears to depend on the phase of the moon, or possibly which direction the wind is blowing.

If you missed the Super Smash Bros. Nintendo Direct, I encourage you to watch it below - but here are my highlights, recapping the drama and passion of the hour the internet held its breath.

3DS version to release soon, Wii U pushed back to Christmas

This is one of those heartbreakers. Of course you want Nintendo to take as long as it takes, and given Smash Bros. creator Masahiro Sakurai's chronic injury, delays are easily forgiven. But this is one of the games Nintendo fans have been waiting for since the Wii U was first announced, and given the console's fortunes in the interim, it's no wonder the further wait has produced reactions from quiet dismay to roaring rage and every extreme in between.

The 3DS version is looking really great, though, right? The exclusive Smash Run mode looks like a lot of fun, and Sakurai's assurance that the game runs at 60FPS - except for the trophy assist cutscenes - is more than welcome, especially given the fighter's stereoscopic 3D support. It's going to have full multiplayer support, too, although Sakurai's plea that you find a decent connection suggests Nintendo's well aware how flaky network support can be killer.

The official release windows are northern summer for 3DS and northern winter for Wii U; Super Smash Bros. Wii U might just be one of these year's hottest holiday titles, which will be a good boost for Nintendo. Meanwhile, with any luck the Super Smash Bros. 3DS hype will carry Nintendo through E3 season. There's an upside, see?

Zero Suit Samus
If you were anywhere near gaming this week you probably heard the news: Nintendo has put two forms of Samus on the roster, and one of them wears high heels.

The reason Samus appears twice is because characters no longer change forms mid-battle. "So where has Zero Suit Samus gone?" Sakurai asked, or something very like it.

"Away forever?" I asked hopefully. "Since her existence is a stain on an otherwise impeccable franchise and the things Team Nina did to one of our most beloved female protagonists still make many hardcore series fans deeply uncomfortable even as they acknowledge the qualities of the game in general?"

No such luck, alas. She's now an entirely separate fighter.

"Sakurai, apparently unaware that it is 2014, argued that without her powersuit, Samus isn't strong enough to fight off her opponents."

This is where s**t gets kind of ridiculous. Sakurai, apparently unaware that it is 2014, argued that without her powersuit, Samus isn't strong enough to fight off her opponents. (In the world of Nintendo, the idea of women being as powerful as men is still so far-fetched and fantastical that it simply cannot stand, despite the fact that one of the other cast members is a pink blob that swallows things and appears to have no skeletal structure. A male blob, by the way.)

So in order to make Samus a decent rival to her many foes, Sakurai's shoved her in jet shoes. This is ridiculous. It's ridiculous even before you notice the shoes have high heels. The heels take it from "ridiculous over the top video game nonsense" to "okay, now you're just being offensively silly".

Well, on the bright side, you know - two Samuseseseses. Your opinion re: Samus's heels has now become a dagger-drawing matter, but please comfort yourself with this charming illustration from Bee & Puppycat creator Natasha Allegri on the subject.

More highlights from the Super Smash Bros. Nintendo Direct on the next page.

Sheik

Sakurai did another teasing reveal of Sheik, who is no longer relegated to an alternate from of Zelda but a character in their own right.

Sheik's appearance as a unique character rather than just an aspect of Zelda is cool for a couple of reasons. It allows Nintendo to leave room for non-Ocarina of Time versions of Zelda without discounting one of her most popular appearances. It means both Sheik and Zelda can be balanced individually, hopefully resulting in both of them fitting comfortably into the roster.

Perhaps most importantly, it gives Sheik fans a little bit of representation. Everyone has their own reading of Sheik - as a simple disguise, as a second personality, as the "real" Zelda, et al - but without getting too much into it let's just say the character has a really important place in the hearts of the QUILTBAG.

Naturally of course this means a lot of people are quite unhappy that the character exists at all, but at least the old "OP" chestnut is likely to hold less water.

Yoshi stands tall.

As he explained a number of character and balancing changes likely to set forums aflame for months, Sakurai maintain an easy grin and calm tone. But there was one change so dramatic, so consequential, and so controversial that he felt the need to presage it with an apology.

Bringing his Super Smash Bros. design in line with recent Nintendo games, Yoshi now stands upright.

I know, I know. You may need to sit down. You may require a glass of water. Breathe! Just breathe. You're going to be okay. This is not a heart attack; it just feels like one.

Do you ever look around at the screeching hordes of our fellow gaming enthusiasts and wonder if maybe you should go off and feed orphans for a while? And maybe wash your hands?

And the rest.

The full presentation is really worth a watch if you have even a passing interest in the franchise, as Sakurai had a lot more to say that didn't start controversial fires. His discussion of the game's multiplayer makes Super Smash Bros. Wii U sound like Nintendo's first really conscious effort to create a modern online multiplayer scene that matches its vision for how the world of gaming should be - pleasant, rather than the seething cesspool it mostly seems to be if you fail to mute everyone. The rest of the new characters seem to be pretty popular, and there's a wide variety of stages, items and Pokémon to choose from.

Super Smash Bros. may not be the most original property to hit consoles this year, but it's clearly one of the most treasured - both by Nintendo, and by its fans. We leave you with this video which certainly seems like proof of the latter.