Fall Guys – six changes and quality of life updates I want to see in Season 2

By Kirk McKeand
11 August 2020 12:54 GMT

The Fall Guys launch was a bit like one of those games you get at a local fair. You know, those quizzes where you have to guess how many beans are in the jar and the closest to the correct amount wins a prize.

Developer Mediatonic absolutely lowballed it. There were many more beans in the jar than expected and people struggled to get into a match on launch as millions of beans smashed out and spilled all over the floor.

Those launch issues are still present. If you’re playing alone, you likely won’t notice. But if you’re grouped up with friends, you’ve probably experienced the disconnects and other issues that come with playing Fall Guys with pals.

That’s all I will say about network niggles for now. Let’s work under the assumption that these problems will be smoothed over in the coming weeks. So, what else can the developer focus on for the future of Fall Guys? Here are six improvements I’d like to see for Season 2.

Let us change color of outfits

Last night I bought a ninja costume and I thought, “Wouldn’t this look immeasurably more cool in black?” And I was right – it would. But you can’t change the colour of outfits in Fall Guys, you can only change the colour of your bean – a bean that is covered by an outfit. It’d be great if a future update let us apply our colour unlocks to outfits as well as our naked, sexy bean skin.

Kill team games for solo players

The only way you can control the skill level of your team in Fall Guys is to group up with your friends, assuming your friends aren’t terrible at Fall Guys. Solo players shouldn’t be forced to participate in team games because there’s too much luck involved. If you’re matched with a good team, you’re through. If you’re matched with idiots, you’re screwed. Reader, I am always matched with idiots. And they’re also the worst game modes anyway

Jinx is boring. It’s Team Tail Tag without the tails, and Team Tail Tag is rubbish as it is. Rock ‘N’ Roll, a game where you have to work together as a team to push a boulder down a track, is good on paper, but falls apart when your idiot teammates constantly headbutt the ball instead of pushing it. They can’t seem to understand that this isn’t Fall Ball – another team game with lighter balls – and you can’t just dive into it. You’re just knocking your teammates over. Please stop it.

Kill Perfect Match

Can you remember the locations of five different fruits or do you have brain worms? Perfect Match is pointless because it’s far too easy. You stand on a grid, the game flashes up a fruit symbol on each, then you stand on the correct square when the screen reveals which fruit is safe. Even if you do manage to miss where to go, you can generally just follow the crowd and survive anyway. It’s completely pointless.

We need more games like Slime Climb – fast-paced races with high skill ceilings – and fewer games where you just stand around like a pleb. Fall Guys is at its best when it’s being Takeshi’s Castle and at its worst when it’s being that toy I bought my toddler so he can learn shapes.

Auto spectate team members

Fall Guys

One of the best things about grouping up is cheering your teammates on when you qualify ahead of them or die an untimely death. If you’re in a group, you want to spectate your pals and not random people. So please don’t make me flick between 60 players just to find my friend – the game should automatically switch to one of your pals. Also, please make the window to quit before you’re forced into spectating the next match as a solo player much longer. Thanks.

Stats

I have either 14 or 15 wins. I can’t say for sure because Fall Guys doesn’t let you see your statistics. I want to see how many wins I have. I want to see what failure and success rate I have with different courses. I want to see how many people I have yeeted into the abyss. Give us stats, Mediatonic. Don’t make us guess how many beans are in the jar.

More uses for grab

The grab is the best and worst thing about Fall Guys. When you grab someone and they panic, jump away, and fall off the map, you feel like an evil genius. When you’re grabbed, you panic, and fall off the map, you feel murderous rage. It’s brilliant. But it’d be great if there were more uses for the grab outside of trolling. Perhaps we could have some courses where you grab onto swinging pendulums and Tarzan across the course.

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