Fortnite Season 5: watch human protein tub Simon Miller RAMPAGE across the new map

By Matt Martin
13 July 2018 10:00 GMT

Has anything really changed in Epic Games’ Battle Royale behemoth? Or is it still “a pile of wank?”

No sooner had Fortnite Season 5 arrived we sent giant bodybuilding nutbar Simon Miller to tear up the new map. He immediately grabbed an ATK and thrashed it around Lazy Links.

Because Fortnite island has changed dramatically, dropping Paradise Palms into a new desert area, tarting up the north with a golf course and dumping a viking village on top of a hill.

So what better way to explore these changes than with a gargantuan man-mountain rampaging across the fields of Fortnite, getting unnecesarily angry at “child Thanos”?

Watch the video below to witness first-hand the contempt in his eyes as he;

  • Waits expectantly for a cub scout group to turn up
  • Drives around aimlessly
  • Addresses the societal impact of Fortnite on the nation’s youth
  • Recommends something called “a book”?
  • Forgets all the harsh life lessons from his literally hours of previous play time
  • Dies repeatedly
  • Wonders why this early access game has critical impunity
  • Cry “I don’t want to do this anymore”

Watch on YouTube

Someone, please, tell him how to play this stupid game.

If you’re a fan of watching grown men play video games for children, why not like and subscribe to the VG247 YouTube channel – it’s half decent!

More importantly, give Simon Miller money/love over on his Patreon page because this guy needs to buy some t-shirts that fit properly.

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