Remember when everyone went mad over Mario’s nipples? Well, now everyone is losing their shit over Luigi’s dick.
Nintendo just released a character render for Mario Tennis Aces. In it, Luigi is holding a racket as it smashes to pieces. He’s wearing very tight shorts. There is a bulge. There isn’t mushroom in there.
While Luigi seemingly has no balls, there’s definitely something there. Lucky for us, investigative Tumblr detectives have been on the case, calculating the size of his mystery box.
“Some rough work reveals that Luigi may be close to four inches flaccid, although this is simply one interpretation of which way his dick is resting, therefore [it] is merely an educated guess as to length,” said Tumblr user fortooate.
“[it] does not account for any level of partial erection, [and] reveals little to nothing about his erect measurement. What we do know, however, is that Luigi has a dick, and that? That’s great.”
Over on Twitter, some people are aghast at the thought of the Italian plumber having a wang. The difference between the two social networks is best summarised in this tweet:
The difference between Tumblr and Twitter is that Twitter users are all upset about Luigi's dick bulge because they're so fucking basic and Tumblr users are doing Algebra to figure out that it's roughly 3.7" flacid and they're so happy for him to have a dick. pic.twitter.com/BlQynFRaZd
— Christopher Butcher (@Comics212) March 15, 2018
So there we have it – Luigi can bone. Now we just need to wait for the inevitable fan art this revelation will inspire.