The Witcher 3: Blood and Wine – Paperchase

By Alex Donaldson, Tuesday, 3 May 2016 11:32 GMT

Master the challenge of bank visit misery simulator 2016.

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The Witcher 3: Blood and Wine – Paperchase

I found this quest in Beauclair, Toussaint’s big capital city, where an NPC marked as a Vineyard Owner had a point of interest mark on him, though it might also be available via notice boards. It’s marked as suitable for Level 36 and above, but the combat encounter in it is so minor any level should be able to tackle it fine. This is a fun little quest designed mostly, it seems, to poke fun at the misery that is visiting your bank.

Talk to the chap who gives the quest, then head for the location he points out – a bank. Are you ready for the most realistic simulation of a tedious visit to a bank ever portrayed in the medium? Here we go…!

Head to the bank clerk first; she directs you to another desk to get a form. That desk redirects you elsewhere – of course. Then you jump the queue – deliberate or not. You find out where you need to go for the form, but now the guy you queue-jumped wants a fight. Security kick you out. Fist fight him outside. Yep…

Then head back into the bank. At last, the form you need…! But the woman is gone from the desk. No! Follow her scent and track her down to where staff are just gossiping and not working. So now you’re told to sit and wait – they’re on break.

You can now play Gwent with the other poor soul who’s waiting, or you can just sit and wait in lovely awkward waiting room silence.

After waiting or playing, the guy will give you a tip – the clerks respond well to gifts. Optionally you can nip around the corner to buy some flowers or perfume. If you don’t, you’ll have to rely on your charm. Eventually, after some scenes, you’ll get into your safety deposit box. It’s empty. Give the guy a week to pay you back – then go away and either head out questing or simply meditate the week away.

Once a week has passed, you’ll find your thieving buddy outside the bank with both a load of coin and a new weapon for your trouble. Nice.

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