Rock the vote with Jesus and the bunny boilers.
Two things: shut up and piss off.
Right, now come back. Sit your arse down and stop fidgeting. Buy Not A Hero on your PlayStation 4. It’s a tenner.
It will make you laugh. It’s tricky. It’ll make you feel nicer than that time you were having bed games with your lass and she shoved a finger up your bum. If it’s good enough for Kanye, right?
Exes can be mad but just know I never let them play with my ass… I don’t do that… I stay away from that area all together
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 29, 2016
There’s guns in it. Which is alright. There’s a load of blood. That’s alright as well. It’s got pixel graphics but not like one of those hipster games. It’s not all emo and that. You don’t have to wear skinny black jeans to enjoy it.
It’s made by those Londoners who done OlliOlli. And that Devolver Digital lot has put some money behind it too. They know a good game when they see one. It’s a bit like a British Broforce but instead of “fuck yeah” it’s a bit more “piss off, mate”. It doesn’t stink of macho sweat, it reeks of fag smoke. You get my drift.
There’s a rabbit-thing in it called Bunnylord and he wants you to kill so he’ll get votes and become mayor. There’s a bunch of playable killers each with a different weapons, obviously. You know how that works, I’m sure. Shotgun man is powerful but needs to reload often. That sort of thing.
You swing into cover, you shoot, you reload, you move on. My main beef with it is the button for dipping into cover is the same as the slide tackle, screwing up some of my half-baked tactical approaches. Other times I get butchered because I run into a room and get overwhelmed by bads. That’s probably my fault. The time-to-death can be brutal in Not A Hero. But then you just hit restart and away you go again.
It’s got a bit more upstairs than you’d think. You’ll take it easy with your first run through a level, using cover and reloading before bursting through doors. But once you start trying for the three extra objectives you can play levels differently. Taking shortcuts and speed-playing instead of trying to kill everything on the screen. Calm down, have some fun with it.
Look, I’m not going to explain it all. Who do you think I am, Dr Quinn Medicine Woman? It’s not as good and replayable as OlliOlli, but it’s funnier and I’m glad Roll7 has taken on a shooter because it’s a genuinely exciting bunch of developers. (Full disclosure: Flappyfingers gave me a sticker once).
So if you have £10 spare and you’re sitting around scratching your arse, why not spend that money on a video game? And why not make that video game Not A Hero? Or don’t. Whatever. Seven out of ten. Don’t be a prick.
Not a Hero is out now on PS4 and PC.