VG247 has come into possession of exclusive materials from the guerrilla resistance. The Advent administration doesn’t want you to see this.
Special XCOM 2 report
Advent would have you believe that the resistance is a rabble of disorganised terrorists, but sources tell VG247 the soldiers of the former XCOM program remain resolute in their battle against our “benefactors” from outer space.
Following on from last week’s disturbance during the anniversary celebration, VG247 has obtained exclusive footage from the frontlines of the guerrilla war raging outside the cities. In the video below, you’ll see a very different side to the rebels: a lean, mean fighting force hellbent on achieving their objectives at any cost.
Do not believe the administration’s gross mischaracterisation of the rebellion’s Commander as a clumsy incompetent who can’t even figure out how to get into cover without being flanked and forgets about the possibility of undiscovered units and reinforcements; this is enemy propaganda.
Humanity lost this war once. We can’t afford to lose it again. Learn the truth. Watch the footage below and cross-reference with analysis from our military experts.
00:00 – The XCOM team sets off on a guerrilla mission in India. The squad consists of several unit types – a scout, a grenadier and a specialist. This last soldier is a kind of hacker, and this particular example is extremely handsome.
00:50 – When battle commences, the squad is concealed from the enemy. Until they trigger an alert, they won’t be attacked. This makes initial scouting less stressful, as they can move anywhere the Commander fancies without being ambushed.
01:37 – The objective is to the north. After much dithering, the Commander sends a scout forward, seeking out cover relative to expected threats.
02:05 – There’s an enemy network access point ahead. It’s surrounded by enemy alert squares, so the squad can’t just walk up to it – but the very handsome specialist can deploy a Gremlin – a drone unit – from a distance.
02:32 – Oh oh. There’s a group of enemies to the east. Now the team needs to guard itself from at least two directions. The Commander elects to split the team – for now.
03:07 – The aliens have their first turn, but since they don’t know the team is on the field, they don’t do anything.
03:15 – The very handsome specialist deploys her gremlin to hack the enemy network.
03:32 – When hacking, the Commander can choose which of two outcomes to aim for. Less likely outcomes have much greater rewards, but greatly increase the chance of a negative outcome to the basic hack. The Commander, not really understanding this at the time, gambles on the least likely outcome.
04:05 – Fuck. Disaster. The hack fails. Reinforcements are inbound.
04:14 – Reinforcements will appear at the flare in one turn.
04:25 – The failed hack has broken the squad’s concealment, and now the Viper is coming for them. The Commander has been advised by special advisors from Firaxis that this unit is not called “Snaketits”.
04:42 – A couple of soldiers are in a good position to begin battling the eastern enemies, but the angles are bad; a kill seems unlikely.
06:03 – The Commander orders Stacy, a sniper, to use the first of her two actions to get a better angle on Snaket- the Viper. Sniper rifle attacks require two action points, but snipers can also use pistols. In fact, they have a special ability granting them a pistol attack as a free action. Two shots – but the Viper does not go down.
07:15 – To get a decent bead on the Viper or his pal, the closest soldier would have to come out of cover – and there’s nowhere safe to go. The Commander has Junkyard chuck a grenade in from further back, hoping to leave the second enemy unit exposed without compromising the safety of their troops. They also hope to blow up a car and remove some cover, putting the remaining enemy on the hotfoot.
08:00 – It looks like the squad doesn’t need to regroup, so back on the other side of the map, the Specialist stays in good cover and engages Overwatch mode.
08:25 – Enrique, the scout, is still concealed – a perk of this particular build. The Commander guides him to good cover, where he can hopefully ambush one of the reinforcements from a flanking position.
08:40 – Theo moves closer to the remaining enemy on the east, hoping to get a shot in from a good piece of cover. Unfortunately, the enemy is also in cover, so a hit is unlikely. The Commander opts for Overwatch; although there’s a penalty to hit, the enemy is a melee type and will likely charge forward.
09:16 – Bollocks. Reinforcements. And they bought a robot of some kind. Hooray!
09:45 – The very handsome specialist attacks due to Overwatch, chipping away at the armour and health of one of the three new enemy units.
09:58 – The melee unit on the east makes a move – but Overwatch fails to dent it.
10:07 – Shitcakes. The attack not only damages but disorients our sniper. Her class counterattack ability is engaged – but misses.
10:45 – The very handsome Specialist attempt to hack the robot. This time, the Commander opts for the safe option, with an excellent 60% chance of success.
11:15 – The robot actually becomes stronger. Magnificent. This is fine. The Commander stares daggers at the nearest Firaxis advisor and mouths an insult.
12:15 – The Commander pauses to accept a cup of tea and tell someone about their incredibly bad hacking luck, indicating with a circular mouse gesture that everything is terrible.
12:37 – An earlier plan has paid off; Enrique the scout has an 87% chance to own that newb. Boom! He loses concealment but something died. Oh happy day!
13:05 – The Commander is reminded that they have a grenadier.
13:10 – The Commander swears the screen showed a clear line of fire before they pressed the button, and video evidence agrees.
13:35 – Theo is afraid of shooting the enemy in case it does not die, and he is left flanked. He elects to move into closer, better-angled cover first, which results in a kill. The Commander is feeling pretty good right now.
14:20 – The sniper has almost come out of confusion. Unfortunately, the Commander is still confused and seems to believe they need to move their sniper closer to the enemy before attacking.
14:25 – “Fuck my life, how is there a robot there?” the Commander said at this point.
14:33 – Yeah you climb up on that roof buddy, whatever.
14:44 – The robot engages suppression to make the sniper’s life more difficult. A counterattack misses.
14:54 – Why did he climb up there if he was just going t- you know what, never mind, the Commander doesn’t care.
15:04 – SOMEONE TOOK A POTSHOT AT THE COMMANDER’S FAVOURITE (very handsome) UNIT. Now the Commander is actively angry. The Commander had always intended to kill the baddies but now the Commander is going to do it with emphasis.
15:15 – Someone damaged the Commander’s favourite (very handsome) unit, but the Commander has no emotional room left for anger. The Commander is in an ice cold rage. Firaxis has stopped leaning over the Commander’s shoulder to offer advice, because the Commander hisses whenever anyone gets too close.
15:25 – The Commander briefly considers regrouping.
15:55 – That suppression fire is getting on the Commander’s nerves. Off you pop, Theo.
16:35 – The Commander’s favourite (very handsome) unit takes a risk by moving into low cover, but then takes bloody revenge.
17:53 – After quietly agonising for several moments, the Commander remembers the scout has a sword, and puts it to use – following a bit of control wrestling. It looks rad.
19:00 – This might look like pointless move, but the robot took a smacking, so be quiet.
19:50 – Grenadier Junkyard is a machine of death. Second favourite unit right there.
20:00 – Oh COME ON.
20:45 – The idea here is to put the scout behind cover relative to the recent reinforcements.
21:26 – Meanwhile, it’s time to move the very handsome specialist in to the objective, because the Commander is getting hangry.
22:08 – The squad is moving into cover positions relative to the reinforcements, while staying close to the specialist and objective.
22:38 – Overwatch! Why, it’s almost like the Commander is preparing instead of making shit up on the fly.
22:40 – Two soldiers on the same sightline relative to known enemy positions? Not ideal, but at least they’re nice and safe.
22:56 – It worked! It worked! Ha ha ha! The defeated enemy drops some loot, but also the Commander is reminded that the objective is on a turn limit. Whoops.
23:11 – Of course there are blasted stupid bullshit reinforcements. Of course there are.
23:18 – Well, never mind; the Commander decides to send the Gremlin over to that terminal to save a bit of time.
23:34 – A 100% success rate on mission objectives, thankfully. Otherwise we’d be here all day.
24:25 – There is a stove right where the Commander wants the very handsome specialist unit to stand. Firaxis is advised of this issue, but does not seem sympathetic; suggests people who own homes may wish to consume cooked foods.
24:33 – Eventually a position is chosen from which the Commander believes the very handsome specialist will be sheltered, but able to provide useful crossfire on the approaching reinforcements.
24:40 – WHAT.
25:08 – It’s fine. There’s loads of space and cover, let’s just send the squad to reinforce the western front, where the reinforcement flare is, and do the northern enemies after that.
26:08 – Well, that doesn’t seem so bad.
26:22 – Ha ha, nice one, sniper. The Commander almost forgives you for that disoriented bullshit earlier.
26:29 – Okay, alien turn. No worries, no worries.
26:34 – WHAAAAAAAAAAT.
26:35 – A CRITICAL?
26:38 – The very handsome specialist’s dying croak concludes.
27:00 – “Zero out of ten,” the Commander mutters, sinking down in their chair. “Worst game ever.”
27:25 – “Oh, another critical,” the Commander mutters. “Amazing how they all happen now, after I am dead.”
27:51 – Junkyard cannot kill anyone. Her heart is not in it. She lost a friend today. A very handsome friend.
28:36 – New strategy: fire all snipers. Snaketits over there can score a critical from 10,000 km away; what’s the squad’s problem?
29:00 – The Commander is not indecisive. The Commander doesn’t care where these shitheads go. Any victory now will be hollow.
29:01 – Then again, can we let our very handsome specialist die in vain??
29:28 – “You hacking bastards,” the Commander tells the aliens. “Now you can lick through rooms? Piss off.”
29:40 – The enemy has missed twice in a row, including on an adjacent melee. Perhaps they feel sorry for the Commander in the wake of the death of the very handsome specialist?
29:55 – The enemy foolish steps into Overwatch range and is destroyed. Yes, they definitely feel sorry for the squad.
30:08 – Another miss? Now the Commander might begin to feel sorry for the aliens, were their heart not still gripped with arctic rage. Luck favours both sides, it seems.
30:32 – Theo pauses a moment to stare in horror at the fallen, very handsome specialist. There is a blood puddle. It’s grim.
31:11 – Enrique fucks a guy up. Nobody is sorry. He loots the body. Nobody minds. The Commander takes this opportunity to berate Firaxis, once again, for the loss of the very handsome specialist. 2K asks the Commander to please lower their voice.
32:12 – Junkyard comes out of her mourning fugue and unleashes hell: a point blank critical with a machine gun. “That’s for the very handsome specialist,” she whispers. Heartwarming.
32:46 – “This is also for the very handsome specialist,” Theo barks, throwing a grenade at Snaketits II.
33:00 – That’s right, Snaketits II; we’re bringing the fight to you.
33:17 – The cowardly snake tries to get out of line of sight, and poisons Theo while it’s at it. Theo has a panic attack as a result of being poisoned by Snaketits II.
33:55 – Enrique the scout is the only squad member worth a damn now that the very handsome specialist is dead. You never see him having poorly-timed breakdowns.
34:04 – No, what you see is him owning Snaketits II.
34:12 – Oh bollocks; the battle is over and the Commander didn’t retrieve the loot or collect the fallen body of the very handsome specialist. The very handsome specialist’s gun is lost to us for all time.
34:27 – That actually went pretty well, considering. Except for – you know. Notice Enrique did all the hard yards. Typical.
35:04 – The squad is greatly subdued. Well, you would be.
35:30 – (Correspondent sobs brokenly.)
36:08 – We immortalise the very handsome specialist at the pub. It’s what she would have wanted.
36:25 – Farewell, angel. You shone too bright for this wretched world.
XCOM 2 hits Linux, Mac and PC on February 5.