Fallout 4: the 13 stages of reacting to the reveal
Fallout 4. It’s real, it’s happening, and everything is satisfactory – or is it? We chart the emotional rollercoaster of having your long-held suspicions confirmed at last.
Bethesda is hosting its own E3 conference for the first time? Dude – it’s gotta be Fallout 4. It couldn’t possibly be anything else. Look at this teaser image on the countdown site. It can’t be anything else. It’s Fallout 4. I am so excited I’m going to tweet in all capitals and bite through my tea cup.
What if it’s not Fallout 4? Bethesda Game Studios doesn’t make many games, and surely it wants to make something that’s not The Elder Scrolls or Fallout for a change? After all, it farmed New Vegas out to Obsidian. And this could all be a really elaborate troll. I mean, really elaborate. We’ve all fallen for fakes before.
IT IS FALLOUT 4 IT IS FALLOUT 4 IT IS IT IS I AM SO HAPPY I AM CRYING TEARS OF PURE JOY AND HAVE SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST ONLY INSTEAD OF FLAMES IT IS JELLYBEANS KISS ME BETHESDA YOU MAD FOOL
4. Wild enthusiasm
THIS IS THE TRUE NEXT-GEN. BASED BETHESDA. THIS GAME WILL LITERALLY CHANGE THE WORLD. IT WILL BE THE BEST GAME EVER.
WAIT WHAT do you play as a dog?? OH MY GOD THAT IS THE BEST THING EVER TOTALLY LEFT FIELD REALLY INNOVATIVE I LOVE IT
Of course you don’t play as a dog. I knew that. That would be triple-A suicide, wouldn’t it. Heh. Heh!
I’M GOING TO WATCH IT AGAIN
8. Anger and denial
Some JERK on the Internet is saying the graphics aren’t very good! Mate you know what else isn’t very good?? Your FACE after I HIT IT with my FISTS. This is FALLOUT 4 and it is AGAINST THE LAW not to love EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF IT.
Well actually now that I look at it, it does seem a bit meh. The dog animations are janky as heck. It walks like it’s on the moon, or someone has sticky-taped its paws and it is too polite to have a total freak out and is instead just tiptoeing about in fearful horror.
You know what, this is probably our fault. Every time a developer shows off a game with a fancy cinematic trailer, or a really polished vertical slice, we throw a massive tantrum when the final game doesn’t look quite that good – even if later development assets are much more accurate.
11. Anger (again)
We have pretty good reason for that though. Did you play Colonial Marines??
12. Acceptance (again)
This is a far more sensible way to promote a newly-revealed game, I guess: show off how it looks now, and then later, show off the improvements as you optimise. I should probably stop worrying.
13. Throwing caution to the wind
I guess we should wait and see how it shapes up closer to r- PRE-ORDERS ARE OPEN ALREADY? HAND ME MY WALLET I AM INCAPABLE OF CONTROLLING MY EXCITEMENT AT THE POSSIBILITY OF SHOOTING RAD SCORPIONS.