The Destiny alpha has closed. Your life suddenly feels hollow, meaningless. We suggest alternate occupations.
1. Talk to your gamer friends about Destiny.
Did you play Destiny with your friends? Relive your glory moments. Discuss the various strengths of the three classes – Titan, Hunter and Warlock. Consider the merits of the three races – Human, Awoken and Exo. Have a laugh at Peter Dinklage’s very occasionally spotty voice acting (never mind, I’m pretty sure like most video game voice over sessions ever he was given zero context for most of his lines). Deconstruct the virtues of each kind of weapon. Draw maps to plan new strategies for the Devil’s Lair strike. Ask your friends, endlessly, when the beta starts.
2. Talk to your non-gamer friends about Destiny.
Are there any people in your life who don’t play video games? Sit them down and explain to them why, come September, they should start, so that they can play Destiny with you. Because otherwise they will never see you again.
3. Check when the beta starts.
The Destiny beta starts on July 17. Oh. You can guarantee access by pre-ordering at many retailers. (Or you can just cross your fingers; I got an alpha code and I didn’t register at all.)
4. Dwell on the finer points of Destiny.
Really think hard about how much you like Destiny. Meditate on it. What was it you liked so much? Was it the way the Explore missions just constantly generate content for you? Was it the way you could wander for hours and still find new areas to explore? Was it the way inventory management made all other games look like wretched relics of the Filezilla age? Was it the way you grew gently in talent as you played, until your very last Strike mission was a tour de force? Was it the fact that you could give your Awoken character orange hair, eyes, skin and markings? I liked all those parts.
5. Think about the bits of Destiny you haven’t unlocked yet.
Here are some things I saw in the alpha that I couldn’t do anything with yet: armour customisation, cloaks, loads of level nine and beyond gear (curses!), that ballin’ library thing, inaccessible competitive multiplayer modes, caves and doors that went nowhere, caves and doors that went somewhere but Bungie put level 4 million baddies in there so who knows, faction vendors.
6. Draw Destiny fan art.
You don’t need to be any good at art to take pleasure in the act of creation and also get some of your Destiny loving out of your system. Here’s one I did:
7. Read Dave’s in-depth discussion of Destiny.
Whereas I merely frothed at the brain with enthusiasm (guys guys I love Destiny), Dave took a more considered approach. Dave knows shooters inside and out, and so if you’re wondering how Bungie’s latest holds up in that regard (or just have any questions whatsoever) I strongly encourage you to read both parts of his analysis of the game:
- Is Destiny the first ‘real’ console MMO? – part one
- Is Destiny the first ‘real’ console MMO? – part two
8. Lord it over your friends who didn’t find all the things in Destiny that you did.
Hey so I bought a shiny red spaceship. I changed my emblem. I unlocked perks on all my equipment. I shared equipment between my characters using the vault. Did you find all these things and fiddle with them? No? Well, I guess I win Destiny then.
9. Book leave for Destiny’s release date.
Pat, I need a week off from September 9. Actually, September 10; I forgot I live in the future (Australia) and the servers might not be on yet. Wait, the servers will probably be hammered and fall apart on the first few days. Make it September 14. Also, I need a month off, come to think of it. Pat, your IM window has gone idle. Pat? Paaaaaaat?
10. Get really angry at your friends who don’t like Destiny.
Some of my friends don’t like Destiny and I’m super mad at them. “The story is just walking and talking,” they have said, for example. It’s an alpha! You can see the great big holes where the plot (and tutorial) is supposed to be. “So far it just seems like Borderlands but with way less junk loot.” I don’t understand why you think that’s a bad thing. “The environment design is super boring.” Are you out of your mind, did you look around like, at all? Come talk to me after you find the highway covered in cars. “I have a legitimate criticism Brenna can’t think of a way to answer, such as subjectively disliking some aspect or the product as a whole.” Yeah well go rain on someone else’s parade, this is a private party for people who enjoy life and have fun times, goodbye.
Destiny arrives on PS3, PS4, Xbox 360 and Xbox One on September 9. Brenna is, much to her surprise, quite excited.