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Eurogamer Expo: what I done on me hollybobs

Wednesday, 3 October 2012 11:44 GMT By Patrick Garratt

Eurogamer Expo has grown into Britain’s largest and most prestigious games event, with this year’s show being an indisputable knock-out. Patrick Garratt gives his impressions of the first two days.

and David’s looking pretty much like he’s on strong weed, as is Tom Champion, wide-eye-slit-eye in the organisers’ office with their Moonie smiles and monosyllables but they manage to hand over an exhibitor pass so I

The colours have gone off, but Mark assures me it’s all intentional, that they’ve spent a lot more on lighting this year to eliminate all the dark corners. From up high in the Earl’s Court press centre Eurogamer Expo’s purple white and Rupert’s standing next to a station wrapped in plastic at the front of the hall looking as though he’s not having the best time in the world, red-eyed and shaky thanks to a security alert which pushed the entire set-up population out into the front of the building to stand disconsolately next to the gunless zebra policemen and a stickyback Carmaggedon vehicle Matt reckons health and safety will have a fucking fanny over, what with its bladed wheels, and David’s looking pretty much like he’s on strong weed, as is Tom Champion, wide-eye-slit-eye in the organisers’ office with their Moonie smiles and monosyllables but they manage to hand over an exhibitor pass so I can get Dave in before Sam turns up half an hour later moaning about his hotel room and something about Halo DLC and a cancelled interview. Internet’s expensive as fuck, some eight quid for four hours, but we can sit in the speckle-vision press room and rock into the official connection which is part of a 1Gb Mark made up but it’s fast and he reckons each stand gets four-to-eight-meg but he really has no idea, and what Rupert’s really shitting it over is his early morning live BBC interviews and the responsibility of showing Kojima round the show on a personal tour before his Metal Gear session in the morning. I tell him to wear his best jumper, but I don’t think he finds it funny he looks great on the telly in the morning and so does Ian and I’m

honestly proud of those guys and I can’t believe I used to work in Rupert’s garage when I see him later at the show before he does his Radio 5 interview he’s finally beaming says it happened quickly a bit of a blur and the lady from the BBC in the pinkest jacket in all the fucking world is cougar-dominating the pre-showshow they really hate the fuckingcarpet fuckingcarpet fuckingcarpet apparently you have to carpet every show every year because the actual floor of Earl’s Court is so disgusting it’s not fit for human feet and the carpet gets laid then thrown away every year and costs some kind of absurd amount of money and that’s probably not so great if you have to pay for it but what are you supposed to put the pods on Kev’s looking pretty much delirious trying to find some space for nine boxes of posters he’s having to sardine them into the madhouse of jokers there are some fucking tired marketing departments in here this morning; so I go to play Far Cry 3 first because Far Cry 3 has to be one of the most interesting games releasing anywhere on anything but I throw a grenade on the hang glider and the hang glider doesn’t explode which I don’t really get because surely if I actually did that I’d have bits of wings as opposed to wings but it’s a game so what the hey and letting the bear go to eat all the men seems to work especially because if you try to take them all on alone you get dead quickly even if you hide in a shed, and f’real? straight up? to be honest? there’s enough Far Cry in there to instantly make me feel happy so the whole don’t leave the mission area and the fact all the diamonds aren’t diamonds any more and everything’s just kind of on the map although I didn’t get to play it from the beginning so it may not be that way from the off and the constant XP notifications when you kill people is kind of fine because there’s awesome swimming and it looks fucking beautiful on the highest settings and I get shown the entire map which is obviously large but there’s no GPS but then I can’t really blame them because they’re in the business of selling video games and they had to balance the good stuff from two with

the fact that people like Call of Duty up and down up and down every time I pass the window there appear to be more people on the stairs an endless snakes bulging swallowing an antelope slowly pushing it through don’t film the screens MGS Rising is so addictive immediately there’s a load of story bullshit I don’t give a fuck about but Kojima made it so it’s hardly surprising though the combat itself is slicing targets tacked onto Platinum kicking flying attached to a remote controlled rocket characters so fucking stupid and it stops you every 12 seconds to speak really slowly at you but the Raiden design and that intro sequence when she lands on the beach is awesome but quite why they need all this fucking moral nonsense is beyond me it’s for children I mean seriously we’re all fucking grown ups yeah and if these people were really people they’d hardly be discussing the moral implications of chopping people to pieces in a fucking combat zone but as I said it’s Hideo and Hideo’s Hideo so everyone has to stand around talking for 400 fucking hours while the enemies wait for you in the next street Tomb Raider is one of the most engaging demos I’ve ever played and without doubt one of the most intriguing concepts we will have seen in the last few years in console gaming and it’s got fuck-all with Lara having tits and far more to do with the fact that Crystal Dynamics is trying to go all-out in creating a genuine survival story from the ground up with everything you’d expect from Lara in terms of jumping and other movement aspects and my hair stands up and I feel adrenaline and that’s no small feat in a room full of 6,000 people while you’re being watched by a queue so engrossed was I in fact that when I finished the demo HUNTING DEMO FINGERPRINTED TO EUROGAMER EXPO which was apparently the same

code seen before in which Lara kills a deer and ends with a run-through of the E3 trailer that Kojima seriously can’t be 50 years old but he is and he’s wearing a sparkly t-shirt and he watched the moon landings live. Zeroes looks better on a large screen with large speakers, as you’d expect, than it does on YouTube shakycam and Dave got a bunch of new stuff out of it he reckoned level-based is open-world and it sort of isn’t we’re kidnapping the rules and taking them the france we’re punching the rules in the face and getting them tattooed on our necks we do two now i’m french no problem i’m PR Ellie does a great job of the session and Expo in general seems higher stakes than in 2011 the livestreaming works Frank O’Connor can’t watch himself on video and can’t bear to listen to himself speak so I joke he has an acute confidence issue and I don’t think he finds it very funny. That’s life. Kojima’s a rockstar rockstar rockstar in sequins talking about the future of games and big enough to mean it says he’s making the next MGS online component in LA and you can build bases in Zeroes, which is a big deal apparently, but the footage is all TGS despite its super-quality and the session’s for the London Games Festival opening and drinks reception full of people I don’t know and a few I do including Andy OBE and his purple jumper who’s as charming as ever and Matt and Rachel and Dan and Mark from Warner who’s going on a fishing trip and may have to kill a fish onto the opening of the LGF and Keith Guardian and Stuart MCV doing the GamesAid stuff and Cat giving out cheques and a lady from a benefitting charity who makes us sit then stand and, to be honest, my legs are pretty much rigid from working the show all day and it hurts to do so: I have to hold an empty orange juice glass for the entire presentation and clap a folded hand on the top of my arm instead of clapping my hands together for the speakers and charities end up drinking far too much Diet Coke and eating soggy spring rolls and some kind of fried balls of meat which have no structure and are full of fat scare the shit out of Rachel with Ellie by recounting birth-based horror stories and meet the US GI guys then day two the ZombiU line’s oneandthreequarter hours already and it’s only elevenoclock it’s Colin and Joe who couldn’t get into the Kojima session James said they turned a thousand people away in the end but he was pissed and not sure if he wasn’t a bit upset about having to be the guy that didn’t let people in conflict conflict conflict he called me an arsehole under his breath and told me the wrong day no idea what’s going on there you need an editor conservative creativity publishing can’t get the fucking band off and no idea how to get into the show there’s so many people outside make my meeting with seconds to go then forty minutes of politics there got it off so now this woman opposite speaking a crazy mix of Arabic and English playing solitaire on her iPad we’re in the tunnel to France and she’s finally fallen roamless 3G je reviens.

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10 Comments

  1. Chockster

    And this, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how you get a million visitors to come to your website.

    Don’t go changing, Pat ;)

    #1 3 years ago
  2. Hunam

    I just think Pat needs a stern punch in the face tbh.

    #2 3 years ago
  3. Patrick Garratt

    /bows

    #3 3 years ago
  4. Joe Anderson

    Woo Pat mentioned me, although we couldn’t get in to see Kojima :( He was too popular. If fact there were so many people queuing to see him they were all blocking the press room, I nearly missed my interview haha.

    #4 3 years ago
  5. RandomTiger

    Comment deleted

    #5 3 years ago
  6. cullydk

    Another great piece Pat, thanks.

    #6 3 years ago
  7. Colin Gallacher

    I’m not called Chris :(

    #7 3 years ago
  8. Patrick Garratt

    Changed it. Sorry :(

    #8 3 years ago
  9. Christopher Jack

    I’M Chris :)

    #9 3 years ago
  10. absolutezero

    Oh Rupert.

    #10 3 years ago

Comments are now closed on this article.

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    Sony has sold 2 million PlayStation 4 consoles in the UK, faster than it did with the PlayStation 2 – the company’s best-selling machine in the country. MCVUK is reporting that as of last weekend, 2 million PlayStation 4s have been sold in the UK. The data is based on GfK Chart-Track estimates. This makes […]

  • H1Z1 gets female characters, skin colour options planned

    In an effort to improve diversity in the game, H1Z1 developer has added female characters. Female survivors can now be found throughout the world of H1Z1. Developer Daybreak added the new feature in a patch released last Friday. You will be able to choose a female avatar in the main game and in Battle Royale. […]

  • Possible teaser site for Castlevania creator Koji “IGA” Igarashi’s new game opens

    Either Castlevania creator Koji “IGA” Igarashi is working on a soon-to-be-launched Kickstarter for his new game, or someone is pulling an elaborate prank. At PAX Prime last year, during Keiji Inafune’s Mighty No. 9 panel, a flyer was handed out to attendees that showed what appeared to be a 2D game of some sort with […]

  • Destiny weekly reset for May 5: Heroic and Nightfall strikes detailed

    Tuesday is here and Destiny’s weekly reset is also here. Bungie announced that your weekly Destiny grind has now begun. The Nightfall and Heroic strikes are now live too. This week’s strike is Winter’s Run. Rainbow burn is back for the Nightfall, which means you do more damage with all elemental weapons, but also receive […]

  • PC version of Project Cars delayed in Australia due to severe weather

    Recent weather conditions in Sydney, Australia are responsible for a slight delay of the PC version of Project Cars in the country. Sydney recently suffered from storms that caused flooding in some areas. One of those is the place where publisher Namco Bandai was storing PC copies of Project Cars. The stock was “severely damaged,” […]

  • Twitch’s new process makes it easier for streamers to appeal flagged content

    Twitch has updated its appeals process concerning videos that have been flagged by the audio ID system. Towards the end of last year, Twitch introduced a new audio recognition system that scans archived streams and automatically mutes the audio whenever copyright music is identified. The system has been in-use ever since and Twitch has today […]

  • The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt has a day one patch, but it’s not a major one

    The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt will indeed have a day one patch, to make the first-time experience as smooth as possible. Like many modern games, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt will have its day one patch. According to the developer however, it wasn’t born out of necessity. Miles Tost, level designer at developer CD Projekt […]

  • CoD: Advanced Warfare owners get free pistol today

    Advanced Warfare developer Sledgehammer Games is adding a new pistol to the game, free to all players. The M1 Irons is a new pistol that comes to Advanced Warfare starting today. The weapon is offered as a thank you gift from the developer. Sledgehammer says the Irons is good at range and packs a punch. […]

  • Fall down the Skullgirls Big Band music video rabbit hole with me

    Skullgirls is a pretty amazing fighting game, but did you know it’s also a passable music creation suite? Earlier today I was idly perusing an episode of PlayStation Underground showing off Skullgirls 2nd Encore, a re-release of the indie fighter packing in loads of new features and coming to PS4 – with full cross-play! – […]

  • The many uses of Wolfenstein: The Old Blood’s pipe weapon

    Wolfenstein: The Old Blood adds a sick new weapon to BJ’s arsenal: a pipe. In Wolfenstein: The Old Blood, a pipe is not just a pipe. Not only can you bash nazis with it, you can use it to climb walls, reach hatches, and even break through some walls. Plus? You can dual wield it. […]

  • Mortal Kombat X teaser gives first look at Predator

    Mortal Kombat X’s next celebrity guest was teased during the latest Kast. Today’s Mortal Kombat X Kast was mostly about all about Jason, but also included a very brief nod to Predator. You can watch the full livestream to see the tease in situ if you’re really keen, but IGN shared this convenient edit: There’s […]

  • Rock Band 4 has count-ins, drum fills and vocal harmonies

    Rock Band 4 will more closely emulate the feeling of being a real musician with some neat personalisation touches. For Rock Band 4, Harmonix elected to double down on player ownership of their experience rather than technical precision. To this end, it has implemented a number of cool new features. I am wildly envious of […]

  • Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z, Lost Planet 3 developer shuttered

    Spark Unlimited has gone down with all hands. The Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z and Lost Planet 3 developer has been shuttered and all staff laid off. Chief technical officer John Butrovich confirmed the news in a statement issued to IGN. “Spark Unlimited is closing as a video game developer. The ongoing opportunities for smaller mobile […]

  • PS Now subscription available on PlayStation 3 this month, Vita coming soon

    PlayStation Now’s all you can eat service has finally been dated for PS3. Subscriptions to PS Now, Sony’s cloud-based gaming service, will be available on PS3 from May 12 in the US. The all you can eat package will also be made available on select Bravia TVs and Sony Blu-ray players on the same date. […]

  • GTA 5 is even better with a gravity gun

    GTA 5 modders have made a dream come true, adding a gravity gun to your arsenal of mayhem-causing weaponry. GTA 5 isn’t ready for this. It looks like a heck of a lot of fun, but the poor old Los Santos po po can’t deal with the resulting carnage at all. If Rockstar were ever […]

  • “Mod makers should be able to make money from their creations,” says DOOM creator

    DOOM co-creator John Romero has weighed in on the paid mods debate. Paid mods are a hot issue right now. For years, Valve has been enabling content creators to make money from their work on Counter-strike: Global offensive, Dota 2 and Team Fortress 2, but when it partnered with Bethesda to offer the same for […]

  • Watch WRC driver Kevin Abbring smash through a DIRT Rally challenge

    WRC driver Kevin Abbring has been participating in Dirt Rally’s daily events – and kicking ass. Dirt Rally seems to have ticked one of the most difficult to attain boxes of racing development – creating something professional drivers like to play, and which rewards their years of experience. Codemasters published the video below showing Hyundai […]

  • Mortal Kombat X patch to bring PC version up to console standard

    Mortal Kombat X PC will be fixed tomorrow, NetherRealm has promised. The PC version of Mortal Kombat X has come under fire for poor performance, including stuttering frame rate and bugs as plenty. About 45 minutes into a recent Twitch stream, NetherRealm boss Ed Boon said an update will drop tomorrow to address many of […]

  • Destiny House of Wolves: all new Crucible maps detailed

    Destiny’s House of Wolves DLC will add four new maps to the Crucible, the game’s competitive multiplayer mode. Let’s take a look at all of them. Alex brings you new footage showing all of the four maps that will drop with House of Wolves. He goes over the layout, landmarks, gameplay styles, and other important […]

  • Custom Xbox One Star Wars controllers look very tempting

    Microsoft is celebrating May 4 by showing off concept designs for Star Wars-themed Xbox One controllers. May 4 is of course Star Wars Day and the controller concepts you’re about to see are just that, concepts. Or at least that’s what they said they are. There are four designs and they don’t look very practical. […]

  • Project Cars launch trailer is an anthology of race cars, set to the beats of Deadmau5

    Project Cars comes out this week and there’s just enough time for one last trailer. Project Cars, Slightly Mad Studios’ ambitious racer that has been in development for ages, is finally coming out this week. The racer received plenty of changes throughout its development based on community feedback and the final product will be in […]

  • Star Wars Battlefront dev reveals planet Sullust

    Sullust, a planet that has not been previously shown, will be featured in one of Star Wars Battlefront’s maps. Star Wars Battlefront developer DICE revealed today that planet Sullust will be one of the game’s locations. The planet was mentioned in the films and other Star Wars works, but was only shown today. DICE posted […]

  • Destiny House of Wolves: Tower vendor changes

    House of Wolves will change the inventory of some of Destiny’s vendors and add new roles to others. Here’s everything that has been announced so far. You know that House of Wolves will bring a new social space to the game in the form of The Reef. But did you also know that the good […]

  • Nintendo apologises for Amiibo shortages, will reissue some out-of-stock figures

    Nintendo released a statement today to apologise for fan’s frustrations in finding some Amiibo figures and promised to handle distribution better going forward. Nintendo has been criticised recently for its lack of communication when it comes to new Amiibo figures. Something which has lead fans to not know if certain figures are limited to some […]

  • Halo: MCC “a black eye for us,” Halo 5 won’t suffer the same fate, says franchise director

    The development of Halo: The Master Chief Collection was of an “outrageous complexity,” which was one of the reasons it suffered a horrible launch. None of that will happen with Halo 5: Guardians, according to Frank O’Connor. Frank O’Connor, Halo franchise development director opened up to Xbox Achievements about the difficult task of developing The […]

  • Destiny House of Wolves: weapon Reforging explained

    When House of Wolves drops in a couple of weeks, you’ll be able to change the stats of some in-game weapons. This process is called ‘Reforging’. Alex goes over all the details Bungie revealed about the new Reforging system. This covers the materials you need, the weapons that can be reforged and much more. Make […]

  • GTA 5 PC: control the in-game phone with your iPhone using this mod

    GTA 5′s latest mod lets you control the in-game phone with your real-life iPhone. Reddit user Planetleak wanted to see if he would succeed in getting his iPhone to control the phone in GTA 5. He did it and has a video to prove it. It’s not a mod per-se, but it emulates mouse and […]

  • SoulCalibur dev wants to know fans’ favourite characters for “something huge”

    SoulCalibur developers are probably working on a new game, because they’re asking fans to vote on their favourite characters. Project Soul, the longtime developer of the SoulCalibur series is soliciting feedback on fans’ favourite characters. The developer said as much in a post on its Facebook page. “Calling all SoulCalibur Fans! Project Soul would like […]

  • Jason Voorhees doesn’t look out of place in new Mortal Kombat X trailer

    Jason Voorhees comes to Mortal Kombat X starting tomorrow and it’s time to celebrate his arrival. Jason Voorhees, the first DLC character for Mortal Kombat X has been given the trailer treatment. Jason is part of the game’s Kombat Pack, owners of which can start using him tomorrow, May 5. Being an iconic horror character, […]

  • Dragon Age: Inquisition – Dragonslayer DLC announced, free to all this week

    Dragon Age: Inquisition is getting a multiplayer expansion this week. BioWare has announced that all owners of Dragon Age: Inquisition will receive a new multiplayer expansion, for free. The expansion is called Dragonslayer and it’s centred around fighting dragons, hence the name. Three new playable characters will join the roster as you explore an all-new […]

  • Sonder is still happening, and this is the best news of the week

    Sonder is a really interesting-looking new indie adventure, which I am quite excited to remember exists. We first heard about Sonder in late 2013, when its debut trailer introduced us to a Kamai Media’s ambitious vision. In the intervening months Kamai has been hard at work on its space station management sim slash non-linear narrative […]

  • Twitter axes playable Internet Archive embeds

    The dream has died: Twitter has disabled Internet Archive game embeds. Remember how for a few days you could tweet a link to an a game on the Internet Archive and it was playable direct from that tweet? Well, Twitter has cancelled that. All those tweets now just show links. GamesIndustry suspects it has something […]