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Borderlands 2 stars and bullets and squares

Monday, 24th September 2012 11:14 GMT By Patrick Garratt

Borderlands 2′s managed a number one debut in the UK, beating out PES 2013 and the latest F1. Patrick Garratt’s been playing the PC version over the weekend. Get his impressions below.

borderlands 2’sgoing sell well and deservedly so but surely there a point wherre the same but better is only viable if you’re in the mnarkety for the same but better. think i want more now. or whatever.

stars and bullets and squares and sparks and yeah, tyhe humour#’s[retty good in a sort of glare of front teeth glad you came fashion and that effect on the ice could keep you staring at the sea all day. that’s kind of what i’m doing because i end up dead all the time i’m playing alone, grinding against the ancient weightlifting structure of slightly too hard for one and easy for two despite the notion of increasing difficulty with multiple players wshen the second guy’s level 11 or whatever. so it’s borderland but borderlands 2, and everything’s been fixed. it’s pretty and funny but it’s the same ting but better grenade mods explosions stupid heads but the siren has awesome blue shit when andy from cvg joins in to kill midgemong i really, really hate that name bec ause it’s just not okand i don’t care if i’m too pc or whbatever it makes me incredibly sad. can’t kill this guy because i’m waek like a child although it’s not my weakness but the game not allowing me to proceed because i haven’t done enough or whatever makes me wonder seriously how many times i can go through this stuff because i saw neil castle say on twitter this morning it’s not an evolutionm it’s just the first game with everything patched and upgraded and i ‘d definitely agfree with that brenna can’t install it for some reason so that leaves her with the 360 version whgiuch i’m not playing so i doubt we’re going to be able to play together and dave’s pc isn’t up to much so he’s playing the 360 version too which is cool becausd maybe brenna and dave could play it together or whgatever. see there’s the thing you just have to walk somewhere blow something up kill a guiy watch a bunch of guys spawn follo0w the diamondbulletstarsquareand its great if youre in a group but if you’re alone then it’s kind of boring despite large improvem,ent first one that really was dull in the op[ening bits and the sky in this one looks amazing like amazing but skeletally itsjust a straight rpg in first person wiuth guns and soloings a grind right from the start5. compare guns compare shiled get a better gun and its fun i guess but i’m nearly 40 and i’m honestly not sure if i can be clearly critical about something in which masked men repeatedly jump at me in a walking caretoon from behiund rocks and mounted guns it’s not like a don’t get it and there’s no doubt that it’s an awesome game but maybe the constantness of the bullets and styars and square and sparks is getting a bit too much for me because i’m fucking old. like i want to read and write about stuff that isn’t just mental every second of every game you know, or maybe i justy shouldn’t be writing about games at all any more. borderlands 2’sgoing sell well and deservedly so but surely there a point wherre the same but better is only viable if you’re in the mnarkety for the same but better. think i want more now. or whatever.

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46 Comments

  1. Edo

    What exactly does mnarkety means?

    #1 2 years ago
  2. Patrick Garratt

    I think it was supposed to be “market”.

    #2 2 years ago
  3. Hunam

    yeahthatwasabitofareadwasntit

    #3 2 years ago
  4. SplatteredHouse

    This needs spell check, badly.

    #4 2 years ago
  5. mongbatstar

    Paragraphs wouldn’t hurt either <3

    e: Is this even a real article?

    #5 2 years ago
  6. Hunam

    Pat’s bridging the gap between Metacritic user reviews and press reviews. Or press reviews and youtube comments.

    #6 2 years ago
  7. AHA-Lambda

    what the? O_o

    #7 2 years ago
  8. NeoSquall

    There is a reason why there exist external keyboards for tablets and smartphones.

    #8 2 years ago
  9. abnormal alan

    Was Pat on a lot of drugs when he wrote this? It’s not just the grammar, it’s the rantings of a madman.

    #9 2 years ago
  10. Gadzooks!

    Is this article deliberately written in the style of a drunk/stoned 8 year old?

    #10 2 years ago
  11. NeoSquall

    Wait, I get it!

    It’s written as if a Psyko from the game was talking about it!

    #11 2 years ago
  12. Prof.Dr.Moertel

    Are you drunk again Pat?

    #12 2 years ago
  13. Mangoose

    LLJK

    #13 2 years ago
  14. Kabby

    “the sky in this one looks amazing”

    #14 2 years ago
  15. ManuOtaku

    Really guys…This days nobody could drink in peace, let him have his drinks, rants, etc, at least it is a real funny post, from time to time we need one of this, not the perfect writing, seriously tones ones, i like the drunk Pat or the cheap Pat (without keyboard on tablet), whatever you want to call it :)

    #15 2 years ago
  16. tenthousandgothsonacid

    I think Pat’s starting drinking again

    #16 2 years ago
  17. Mike

    Someone fire the editor!!! Reads like crap!!1 Grammar and spelling all over the place. Thankfully, I re-wrote it, correcting all the mistakes.

    Stars and bullets and squares and sparks and yeah, the humour’s pretty good in a sort of glare-of-front-teeth, glad-you-came fashion, and that effect on the ice could keep you staring at the sea all day.
    That’s kind of what I’m doing because I end up dead all the time. I’m playing alone, grinding against the ancient weightlifting structure of slightly-too-hard-for-one and easy-for-two, despite the notion of increasing difficulty with multiple players when the second guy’s level 11 or whatever. So it’s borderland but Borderlands 2 and everything’s been fixed.

    It’s pretty and funny but it’s the same-thing-but-better grenade mods, explosions and stupid heads but the siren has awesome blue shit. When Andy from CVG joins in to kill Midgemong – I really, really hate that name because it’s just not OK and I don’t care if I’m too PC or whatever. It makes me incredibly sad.

    Can’t kill this guy because I’m weak like a child, although it’s not my weakness but the game not allowing me to proceed because I haven’t done enough or whatever. Makes me wonder seriously how many times I can go through this stuff because I saw Neil Castle say on Twitter this morning “it’s not an evolution, it’s just the first game with everything patched and upgraded” and I ‘d definitely agree with that.

    Brenna can’t install it for some reason, so that leaves her with the 360 version which I’m not playing so I doubt we’re going to be able to play together and Dave’s PC isn’t up too much so he’s playing the 360 version too, which is cool because maybe Brenna and Dave could play it together or whatever.

    See there’s the thing, you just have to walk somewhere blow something up kill a guy, watch a bunch of guys spawn, follow the diamond bullet, stars, square, and its great if you’re in a group, but if you’re alone then it’s kind of boring despite large improvement.

    First one that really was dull in the opening bits and the sky in this one looks amazing – like amazing – but skeletally it’s just a straight RPG in first person with guns and soloings; a grind right from the start. Compare guns, compare shield, get a better gun, and its fun, I guess, but I’m nearly 40 and I’m honestly not sure if I can be clearly critical about something in which masked men repeatedly jump at me in a walking cartoon from behind rocks and mounted guns. It’s not like I don’t get it and there’s no doubt that it’s an awesome game but maybe the constantness of the bullets and stars and square and sparks is getting a bit too much for me because I’m fucking old? Like I want to read and write about stuff that isn’t just mental every second of every game, you know? Or maybe I just shouldn’t be writing about games at all anymore?

    Borderlands 2’s going to sell well and deservedly so but surely there a point where ‘the-same-but-better’ is only viable if you’re in the market for ‘the-same-but-better’.

    Think I want more now.

    Or whatever.

    #17 2 years ago
  18. KrazyKraut

    Haha…the text looks like written by a drugged paranoid spy, sitting hidden in a corner trying not to be seen while he writes some super secret infos for the headquarter, before the self-destruct mechanism of his tablet is going to be activate.

    #18 2 years ago
  19. Dave Cook

    @17 you do get that the mistakes are intentional right? :)

    #19 2 years ago
  20. KrazyKraut

    lol @12

    #20 2 years ago
  21. SplatteredHouse

    @19 So, is it fair to say that the QC drill was a resounding success?

    #21 2 years ago
  22. KrazyKraut

    “It’s not like I don’t get it and there’s no doubt that it’s an awesome game but maybe the constantness of the bullets and stars and square and sparks is getting a bit too much for me because I’m fucking old? Like I want to read and write about stuff that isn’t just mental every second of every game, you know? Or maybe I just shouldn’t be writing about games at all anymore?” best part.

    I think something is not right with him…maybe he got fired already? his wife left him? idk….just weird…

    #22 2 years ago
  23. Johnny Cullen

    I used to work for this man and I know when he’s crazy. This ain’t crazy.

    #23 2 years ago
  24. Mike

    @19 …

    #24 2 years ago
  25. Mike

    oops!

    #25 2 years ago
  26. roadkill

    There is a reason I don’t usually read these reviews. Now there are two.

    #26 2 years ago
  27. Zorg

    Reads like an 8/10 to me.

    #27 2 years ago
  28. OrbitMonkey

    Reads like Pat regurgitated Alphabety Spaghetti onto his screen :-P

    #28 2 years ago
  29. DSB

    And that was the end of New Games Journalism.

    #29 2 years ago
  30. KrazyKraut

    its 2012, the apocalypse is ringing at the door. No fuck was giving that day^^

    #30 2 years ago
  31. beema

    I registered solely to express my disbelief. Is this supposed to be a joke, a joke that was really just… poorly executed? What?
    I know this isn’t the Wall St Journal, but if this wasn’t an intentional joke, I hope someone was fired. Even if it was a joke I kind of hope someone was fired.

    #31 2 years ago
  32. Dave Cook

    @31 of course it’s intentional.

    Jesus…

    #32 2 years ago
  33. OrbitMonkey

    @32, Or maybe you covering for Pat as he sits shivering in a corner, recovering from a ketamine high?

    #33 2 years ago
  34. freedoms_stain

    @33, Pat is actually playing Borderlands 2 right now :p

    #34 2 years ago
  35. OrbitMonkey

    ^ I believe that helps the comedown ;-)

    #35 2 years ago
  36. ManuOtaku

    And thinking i will need to wait one more month in order to play it T_T, iam jealous/envy in a good way, to Ireland Michael and to Pat.

    #36 2 years ago
  37. Dave Cook

    @33 I think he’s gone feral.

    #37 2 years ago
  38. ManuOtaku

    Dave now iam confuse, is he playing Borderlands 2 or far cry? :)

    #38 2 years ago
  39. OrbitMonkey

    @Manu, I think the VG247 staff should be very careful when Far Cry 3 is released…

    I can see Pat going total ‘lord of the flies’ :-/

    #39 2 years ago
  40. Dave Cook

    @39 I want to take a holiday that week. I’m already terrified.

    #40 2 years ago
  41. ManuOtaku

    LOL Guys :)

    #41 2 years ago
  42. DSB

    I don’t think there’s any doubt that Borderlands 2 is best played with a saltshaker full of cocaine and 30 pellets of mescaline.

    #42 2 years ago
  43. aWizard

    Is this real life?

    #43 2 years ago
  44. OrbitMonkey

    ^ sounds like someone else needs to go easy on the ketamine :-o

    #44 2 years ago
  45. absolutezero

    I fucking love you for this Pat. Love you.

    Yet you upset GAF. How could you!

    http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=492917

    #45 2 years ago
  46. agamben

    Best video game review of 2012.

    #46 2 years ago

Comments are now closed on this article.