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Win a limited edition Halo: Reach Xbox 360!

Wednesday, 22nd September 2010 15:43 GMT By Patrick Garratt

haloconsole

You probably really want this. We’re giving away one limited edition Halo: Reach 360 in a Microsoft competition today. Please note: This is a UK-only giveaway.

Winning it is simple. Tell us a Halo joke. Best one gets it.

We’re going to say this again: UK only.

If you win we’ll ask you for your name and address and Microsoft will send you the prize direct. You’ll get the machine and a standard copy of the game.

OK? Go. We’ll close this off and pick a winner at midday UK time tomorrow.

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379 Comments

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  1. itsucks

    OMG!!1

    bold letters: UK Only.

    I hope you all choke on your fish & chips.

    #1 4 years ago
  2. reask

    UK only :( Not fair.

    #2 4 years ago
  3. mington

    Yo Momma’s so fat, when she walks by, your entire radar turns red.

    I’m in the UK and i can cut and paste all day, there’s no way someones going to invent a halo joke that wins

    let the google search for the best halo jokes BEGIN!!!!

    #3 4 years ago
  4. Michael O’Connor

    Does UK Only include the Republic of Ireland? =P

    #4 4 years ago
  5. LePlatypus

    Yo momma so fat she can’t fit into a Halo ring

    #5 4 years ago
  6. Suikoden Fan

    A Halo Joke, man i’m the worst comedian ever and thats no exaggeration.

    Why does no one see Master Chief without his armour on? Because of his bad spar-TAN

    bad amirite?

    #6 4 years ago
  7. reask

    @ 5
    Why would it?

    #7 4 years ago
  8. triggerhappy686

    Yo Momma’s so fat she jumped through Halo and got stuck.

    #8 4 years ago
  9. V_Ben

    A space marine walks into a bar.

    Halo? Asks the barman

    No, just a kingfisher please!

    (Yep, there’s a beer called Halo! http://cache.kotaku.com/assets/resources/2006/08/halobeer.jpg )

    #9 4 years ago
  10. sam_spade

    Knock-knock.
    -Who ees there?
    Masterchief!
    -’Allo Masterchief
    Yes, that’s the one.

    #10 4 years ago
  11. LordCancer

    I’d rather have a ps3. lol

    #11 4 years ago
  12. mington

    Yo Momma’s so fat, she enters big team battle by herself.

    Yo Momma’s so fat, she has to grenade jump into bed.

    Yo Momma’s so fat, she takes up two pregame lobbies.

    these are actually quite good te he

    #12 4 years ago
  13. reask

    I once knew a spartan who would not stop farting.
    Ding. :)

    #13 4 years ago
  14. genesisdnb

    You know you’ve been playing halo too much, when the weatherman announces flood risks and you get out a shotgun.

    #14 4 years ago
  15. tezzer1985

    whats the name of the porno based of Halo??

    Gaylo:ReachBehind

    #15 4 years ago
  16. djhsecondnature

    How many Spartans does it take to change a lightbulb?

    It depends on how far out of Reach it is…

    #16 4 years ago
  17. Dralen

    2 flood carriers walk into a crowded bar……….Boom-Boom!

    Your mom is so fat that when you play territories she controls all of them.

    #17 4 years ago
  18. genesisdnb

    Hi, my name is Johnny :)
    I’m 9 years old and I love football and playing halo: reach!

    If there are any other under 10 year olds then I’d love to meet up and share jokes :)
    email me at gary_glitter@yahoo.com.

    #18 4 years ago
  19. abnormal alan

    what do you get when you cross a Halo fanatic and a virgin….. a Halo fanatic

    #19 4 years ago
  20. StolenGlory

    There once was a magic space portal that could grant any wish as long as the wisher spoke the truth. If any lies were spoken, the wisher would immediately be sucked into the endless vortex.

    Master Chief walked up and requested, “I think I will save all of the universe from annihlation eminating from massive ancient alien-made rings of death.” It came to pass.

    Noble 6 approached and stated, “I think I will star in a video-game that is yet to be released by Bungie, therefore I can not say what I may or may not accomplish in said Halo title.” It will be so.

    A marine AI claimed, “I think-” and was immediately sucked into the portal.

    #20 4 years ago
  21. Dralen

    You know you’ve been playing Halo too much when you attempt to mount a gatling gun onto the back of your car.

    #21 4 years ago
  22. Marx n Engels

    Grunt 1 – “Do you ever worry that we are just the comic relief for this game?”

    Grunt 2 – “I’m more concerned about the Suicide Squad reference in Halo Reach – that’s quite a blunt comparison to suicide bombers. What sort of message is that sending?!”

    *Master Chief runs around the corner, assault rifle in hand!*

    Grunt 1 – “Demon!!!”

    Grunt 2 ignites two plasma grenades, and runs at the Cheif. Cheif unleashes two bursts of the assault rifle, and the grunts collapse.

    Grunt 3 – “shit”

    #22 4 years ago
  23. theevilaires

    oh this is gonna be fun. Not only do we get to see how bland the UKers are we get to see who Garratt picks and what he actually thinks is funny :D

    Oh this is great. Gonna love hitting the refresh button on this article.

    #23 4 years ago
  24. djhsecondnature

    Jackal #1: What do you call uber-pwnage?

    MasterChief: THIS!

    #24 4 years ago
  25. abnormal alan

    Whats the difference between Halo and real Life? When I start teabagging corpses in real life the police get involved

    #25 4 years ago
  26. EscoBlades

    How do you know your mom is playing on Coagulation?

    Easy, there’s three bases!

    #26 4 years ago
  27. Peetry

    I was driving about Halo on your mom last night.

    Chuck Norris appears, sensitivity up to 11, then everyone dies.

    #27 4 years ago
  28. absolutezero

    http://unhalo.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page

    knock yourself out.

    #28 4 years ago
  29. Michael O’Connor

    Marx n Engels is winning it so far. =P

    Then again, anyone named after Marx and Engels has to be awesome.

    #29 4 years ago
  30. StolenGlory

    What do you do if a Marine AI throws a grenade at you?

    Pull the pin and throw it back.

    #30 4 years ago
  31. mington

    Master chiefs girlfriend has a tattoo of a sea shell on the inside of her thigh, when he puts his ear to it he can smell the sea.

    #31 4 years ago
  32. Marx n Engels

    One day, while the Forerunners fought off yet another wave of Flood, Jim had a brilliant idea. Stuttering slightly, unheard over the gunfire, he asked: “How about we create a weapon to destroy all the flood. I think we can do it!”.

    Right then Billy, who had always been much louder and forward than Jim spoke up “How about we destroy all life in the universe EXCEPT the Flood?”

    As Jim sat down to tea that night, and the Halo rings started systematically destroying al life in creation, he felt rather silly.

    #32 4 years ago
  33. djhsecondnature

    After finishing an eight hour Halo marathon, a man decides to spend some time with his wife and two children. The pack a lunch and head off for a nice picnic. During their journey, they encounter a huge bridge. As the man is driving, he quickly glances around to notice there aren’t any other drivers on the bridge and then begins to reminisce about his incredible thirty kill streak earlier that day.

    However, he doesn’t keep his eye on the road and at the last minute has to serve around another car, losing control. The car spins out of control and begins to plummet towards their impending doom. Somehow, the man manages to escape the car and land relatively unhurt in the water, whilst his family perish from the impact. He begins to weep, until a voice enters his head. Is it the ghost of his deceased family already? No. In a deep voice he hears…

    “Triple kill!”

    #33 4 years ago
  34. theevilaires

    OMG you guys are so corny. I blame the Euro school systems :D

    #34 4 years ago
  35. OlderGamer

    I think a great Halo joke was ODST.

    #35 4 years ago
  36. DECOY-LDN

    ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED in HALO 3 – George W. Bush (50G) – Complete an assault game without ever finding the bomb.

    #36 4 years ago
  37. Blerk

    For reference:

    joke
    n.
    Something said or done to evoke laughter or amusement, especially an amusing story with a punch line.

    :-D

    #37 4 years ago
  38. Kysshin

    ”Please note: This is a UK-only giveaway.”

    Dammit.

    #38 4 years ago
  39. cyberrblob

    Fancy dress party october 31st
    I saw a guy dressed as a spartan!
    ermmm why u dressed as a spartan i asked?

    he replies its HALO-WEEN… :)

    #39 4 years ago
  40. theevilaires

    O.G. wins it! that was fucking hilarious on so many levels without trying. I hope you live in the U.K. O.G.

    #40 4 years ago
  41. abnormal alan

    @34

    yeah its also a bastard that we’re quite inexperienced at handling firearms unlike students of the American school system

    #41 4 years ago
  42. KAP

    Your mothers so fat one spartan asked another “where is the steering wheel?”

    That’s all i’ve got guys, wish me luck.

    #42 4 years ago
  43. Psychotext

    Some fairly amusing ones already. :)

    #43 4 years ago
  44. Blerk

    8/10

    #44 4 years ago
  45. theevilaires

    OMG KAP don’t quit your day job :D

    #45 4 years ago
  46. Razor

    Pat Garratt: Tell us a Halo joke!

    “I don’t do comedy” replies Master Chief, dryly.

    #46 4 years ago
  47. mington

    Two grunts are sitting in a bar. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other grunt will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

    The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”

    #47 4 years ago
  48. OlderGamer

    I live in New York Tea, I won the last System/game give away. I would decline had I won this one anways, would have picked a friend or something, only fair. But not trying to enter I just couldn’t resist.

    #48 4 years ago
  49. Michael O’Connor

    @47 Why do I get the impression that you’re taking standard jokes and just adding Halo references to them? =P

    #49 4 years ago
  50. Gavin_R

    My friend Jonathan Ross recommended the game “Halo Thwee” to me. So I go into GAME, ask for a copy. They laugh at me, and say there isn’t a Halo game available for the Wii. The fuck’s their problem?

    #50 4 years ago
  51. Marx n Engels

    One day, Master Chief, Noble 6 and the Rookie bump in to Sgnt Mjr Johnson.

    Master Chief says something macho and cheesy.

    Noble 6 says something completely indeterminate given that it could have come from any of the helmet wearing super soldiers in Noble company.

    The Rookie is silent, and Sgnt Mjr Johnson is a black stereotype.

    And no one pushes the envelope.

    #51 4 years ago
  52. theevilaires

    47. Mington that was ok I have to say

    #52 4 years ago
  53. _Sikamikanico_

    2 Jackals were sitting on a perch, one turned to the other and said “Can you smell fish?”.

    Bad-Dum TISH!

    #53 4 years ago
  54. Happy Hardon Harry

    The best Halo joke was the entire franchise from conception to present.

    #54 4 years ago
  55. InsoAndy

    Umm

    #55 4 years ago
  56. elronathon

    A Drone walks into a bar. Barman says “buzz-off”.

    heyo! wakawakwaka! budum-chi! (the sound of a kazoo) :)

    #56 4 years ago
  57. G1GAHURTZ

    Why did the Halo cross the road?

    To get to the other side.

    #57 4 years ago
  58. The Hindle

    Truth: How many HUMANS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Human:Hmmm… I’m going to have to say…hey, wait! I am a human!

    Truth: He dares to question me, execute him!

    Same Human:@$$hole

    #58 4 years ago
  59. Marx n Engels

    One day the Pillar of Autumn, In Amber Clad and the Truth and Reconciliation were playing outside High Charity.

    The Savannah then jumped in and let down the standard of writing.

    #59 4 years ago
  60. Badger

    Spartan 1 – “So you know Discworld is actually resting on the back of four huge elephants called Berilia, Tubul, Great T’Phon, and Jerakeen who are in turn standing on the back of an even bigger turtle called Great A’Tuin?”

    Spartan 2 – “Yeh…”

    Spartan 1 – “And in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy the Earth turned out to a computer built by another computer called Deep Thought to calculate the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything?”

    Spartan 2 – “Uhu…”

    Spartan 1 – “Well, do you reckon we’re standing on just one massive cock ring?”

    #60 4 years ago
  61. mington

    @Michael O’Connor :P

    Why did Master chief cross the road

    because he was stuck up a chicken arse

    #61 4 years ago
  62. Marx n Engels

    NB. MR Michael O’Connor you are a gentleman and a scholar :-)

    #62 4 years ago
  63. xino

    *”Master Chief why is your suit coloured Green?”

    Master Chief- “Because I am trying to save the Earth, you know…caring for the environment, eco friendly…”

    #63 4 years ago
  64. xino

    *HALO COMBAT EVOLVED -ASSAULT ON PILLAR OF AUTUMN- #Master Chief received Cortana data from the General and inserted the

    disk into his head.# scene
    Master Chief-”Don’t try anything funny”
    Cortana- “I won’t but I will search through your memory”
    OMG, I can’t believe you wanked over a flash animation Meet and F*ck games”
    Maste Chief- “I was em…I was em…I was lonely that time”

    #64 4 years ago
  65. xino

    *Halo- a universe made out of a…ring!? So this is why the Covenant are fighting for it, the ring of power!

    #65 4 years ago
  66. xino

    *Final joke
    The reason why Master Chief hides his face is because he’s a black man. You don’t believe me? Play Halo 2 again and look at the loading pictures in Multiplayer. You should see a black man holding an assault rifle and chilling on a sofa.

    Sorry I triple post, I couldn’t post all in 1 go and site kept asking for login details:/

    #66 4 years ago
  67. FatMond

    Why are Noble team like S Club 7?

    One of the women in each look like a car mechanic.

    #67 4 years ago
  68. coolmanmike

    Jesus walks on water but noble 6 runs on batteries!

    #68 4 years ago
  69. Michael O’Connor

    @62 Hahahaha. Good joke. =P

    #69 4 years ago
  70. InsoAndy

    Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with MasterChief the Pilot, and Noble 6 the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window.
    “B’jeesus,” said MasterChief “Will ye look at how bloody short dat runway is.”
    “You’re not bloody kiddin, Cheif” replied Noble 6.
    “Dis is gonna be one a’ de trickiest landings you’re ever gonna see,” said MasterChief.
    “You’re not bloody kidding Masterchief.” replied Noble 6.
    “Right Noble 6. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse” said MasterChief.
    “Right, I’ll be doing dat” replied Noble 6.
    “And den ye put de flaps down straight away” said MasterChief.
    “Right, I’ll be doing dat” replied Noble 6.
    “And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can” said MasterChief.
    “Right, I’ll be doing dat” replied Noble 6.
    “And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a’ your soul” said MasterChief.
    “I be doing dat already” replied Noble 6.

    So they approached the runway with MasterChief and Noble 6 full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Noble 6 put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of MasterChief and Noble 6 and everyone on board.
    As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, MasterChief looked out the front window and said to Noble 6 “Dat has gotta be de shortest bloody runway I have EVER seen in me whole life”.
    Noble 6 looked out the side window and replied “Yeah MasterChief, but look how bloody wide it is”.

    #70 4 years ago
  71. G1GAHURTZ

    Master Chief, Marcus Fenix and Pat Garratt all marooned on a desert Island.

    Pat Garrett says: So who would win in a fight between you two then?

    So Master Chief blows Pat’s head off with a Battle Rifle.

    Marcus Fenix thinks it’s funny and laughs.

    #71 4 years ago
  72. _Sikamikanico_

    A middle-aged Halo fanboy left for the midnight launch of Halo Reach. It also coincided with his payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire week playing Team Slayer with the boys and spending his entire paycheck on various Halo related merchandise that he didn’t really need.

    When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for an entire week?” He replied, “That would be fine with me.”

    Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Thursday and Friday also were spent without seeing her. By Saturday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye…

    #72 4 years ago
  73. Blerk

    I think Kudo Tsunoda should win for this excellent Halo joke. :-D

    #73 4 years ago
  74. spiderLAW

    #47 was great!

    #74 4 years ago
  75. theevilaires

    @62 thats not funny thats just sad :(

    #75 4 years ago
  76. Marx n Engels

    (maybe a spoiler for Reach – thought I’d be a gent and say that first)

    Bungie Exec 1 – “This is our final Halo, and I want to make something really moving. Which speaks to the audience. The Halo trilogy was the bombastic beginning, and now lets make something darker. Perhaps even a little morbid. A grand finale to the tale”

    Bungie Exec 2 – “Like Hamlet! – build it up to that grand finale where everyone lays dead on the Planet Reach, but with their aims fulfilled.”

    Bungie Exec 1 – “Exactly! It will be a modern day science fiction Hamlet, where the young Prince of Denmark can teabag King Claudius!”

    #76 4 years ago
  77. Windsmeare

    How do you get a dead Spartan into a blender? Feet first. How do you get him out? Doritos

    #77 4 years ago
  78. Michael O’Connor

    @75 Juvenile as always.

    #78 4 years ago
  79. justiceblob

    How do Spartans greet each othet?

    With a macho bromantic man-hug, followed by a quick nod and a friendly ‘Halo’.

    #79 4 years ago
  80. OlderGamer

    If I had to pick 14 would get my vote.

    Some of you folks need to look up funny, and reread the defenition.

    #80 4 years ago
  81. theevilaires

    Yea so far #47 has it….but then again I’m not euro and its up to Garratt so Mington you might get fucked buddy.

    #81 4 years ago
  82. G1GAHURTZ

    What’s brown and sticky?

    A stick!

    Halo.

    #82 4 years ago
  83. theevilaires

    Hey O’Connor post a pic of yourself with that XBOX arcade stick and Tekken 6 and take a flight over to the U.K. for a week to claim your prize….we all know you want another 360 so badly.

    #83 4 years ago
  84. OlderGamer

    Yea 47 is good too, I overlooked that one. But I think it is just a reworked old joke bent to fit halo.

    #84 4 years ago
  85. Marx n Engels

    VG247 wins, for there is no greater joke to be played on an individual than making him realise he is this invested in a mediocre games franchise.

    Bravo!

    #85 4 years ago
  86. The Hindle

    A Halo joke wow ok lets see Halo 2s ending best joke of all time.

    #86 4 years ago
  87. Michael O’Connor

    @83 Well, admittedly I’d rather have a machine that doesn’t sound like a hover on maximum power when it’s playing games…

    …oh wait, I do! It’s called a PS3!

    #87 4 years ago
  88. shahilsyed

    Master chief: Who are you?
    Noble 6: You just look like me, I’m noble 6, you?
    Master chief: I thought it was my reflection in a mirror.
    Noble 6: Are we just unknown twins?
    Master chief: I thought all the spartans were twins?
    Noble 6: To be honest, I hate being a spartan. I rather go for a sex change and turn into a girl.

    #88 4 years ago
  89. Rudderless

    What’s a Spartan’s favourite sexual activity?

    A Halo: Reach-around.

    #89 4 years ago
  90. xino

    Hip Hop Gamer- Halo Reach gets a 12/10! You serious!? If you don’t buy this game, I would put my foot in your mouth.
    BUNGIE hold the belt! Salute!

    #90 4 years ago
  91. ianos

    Why did Halo 2 cross the road?

    To be continued.

    #91 4 years ago
  92. firezulu

    I can’t help but think if King Leonidas had called upon 300 Spartans he would have fared much better…

    #92 4 years ago
  93. Kurtyflirty1

    Yo mommas so fat, even the Covenant tried to invade her.

    :)

    #93 4 years ago
  94. theevilaires

    @90 that is quite funny when I picture him saying that :D

    @87 don’t get the 360 elite confused with the PS3 please.

    @84 of course it was but I never heard it before so it was funny after 3 sec from reading it…..(took some time to sink in) :D

    #94 4 years ago
  95. cloud_ix

    Did you hear about the Spartan that appealed his parking ticket?

    Turns out the arbiter was on his side.

    #95 4 years ago
  96. abnormal alan

    …..MESSAGE FROM MICROSOFT……..

    …..HALO REACH PATCH……….KINECT COMPATIBILITY……..

    >Using item scan integrate your own items. Feel like battering your friends with a big black dildo? Image Scan makes it easy

    >Want the rather boring job of changing the wheels on the warthog? Finally that power is yours

    >Who needs a headset to shout abuse at the noob you just pwned!? with ‘Kinect’ abuse your opponent like he’s sat right next to you

    >With integrated ‘Milo’ support finally you can blow that creepy little bastards brains out

    >Teabag your fallen opponents with even greater accuracy

    ………

    Finally a reason to buy Kinect

    #96 4 years ago
  97. barry_island

    What car does Master Chief Drive?
    A FORD CORTANA!

    Why does Master Chief like to hold an emerald in each hand?
    BECAUSE HE ENJOYS JEWEL WIELDING!

    Why did Master Chief not enjoy his hot brown beverage?
    BECAUSE HE FOUND IT TO BE ODIOUS TEA!

    #97 4 years ago
  98. Ghost_Dog

    What does Lionel Richie sing while he plays Halo?

    “Halo, is it me you’re looking for?”

    #98 4 years ago
  99. Marx n Engels

    **Noble team enter the base**

    Noble Six – “Doctor Halsey…is that you?!”

    Dr Catherine Halsey – “Yes Six, it is me. Why do you ask?”

    Noble Six – “No reason…its just…have you seen the Halo Legends episode, The Package?!”

    - – - – - – - -

    Master Chief felt disorientated for a moment, the Gravemind having given little warning of his intention to teleport John 117 to High Charity. Right then, there was a crash and a roar, and a Brute turned the corner, Elite armour tightly wrapped around his body.

    Master Chief: “Chewie?”

    ——— Right thats it, I have done my bit. From here on out I leave it to you all :-) Good luck everyone.

    #99 4 years ago
  100. ianos

    @97

    You need to win this. That third one is effing brilliant.

    #100 4 years ago
  101. theevilaires

    I’m sorry but this just proves my theory to be right. Euros are bland and boring people and rely on America for their entertainment values.

    #101 4 years ago
  102. Johnny Cullen

    @91 I see what you did thar. Bravo.

    #102 4 years ago
  103. Marx n Engels

    Or that we just havent dumbed down enough for you yet.

    #103 4 years ago
  104. Dr.Haggard

    How many Forerunners does it take to change a light bulb?

    Two. One to go and find a working light bulb and keep it safe while the other one constructs a super-weapon to destroy all the other light bulbs in the galaxy before they fail as well.

    #104 4 years ago
  105. Agonoid

    “Wort Wort Wort” in Halo that means, “Wort Wort Wort”!

    #105 4 years ago
  106. PwnedHaxor

    “Yo Momma’s so fat she jumped through Halo and got stuck.”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat when she fell through the map, she killed the Guardians.”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat when she went through a teleporter, she telefragged her left thigh.”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat when she jumped on the swinging bridge on Headlong, it overloaded.”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat she takes up two pregame lobbies.”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat she walked up to the Scorpion and it said “Don’t press X to drive Scorpion.”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat when she spawned she got a Killamanjaro, Killamanjaro, Killamanjaro…”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat she walked up to the Scorpion and it said “Don’t press X to drive Scorpion.”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat when she spawned, no one else could spawn because she took up all the spawn points.”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat when she went to blue screen it said “Reducing weight”"
    “Yo Momma’s so fat she actually uses the Pizza Cutter on Burial Mounds.”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat when she spawned it said “Press X to pick up Sniper Rifle, Plasma Pistol, Plasma Rifle, SMG…”
    “Yo Momma’s so stupid people thought she was stand-bying because she kept running into walls.”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat that she sat on Halo and Elites popped out.”
    (This is just a joke)”imSuck’s Mom is so fat that her gamertag is imFat.”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat to crouch for a superbounce she just has to stick her finger under a crouch spot.”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat to get out of the map you just have to have her run straight at a barrier.”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat you have to hog launch with 16,000+ grenades to get on top of her… LAYING DOWN!”
    “Yo Momma’s so stupid we asked her to get the combo and she went and got the #9 at McDonalds.”
    “Yo Momma’s so stupid we were suggesting maps and I said Lockout she said “NO LET ME BACK IN!”"
    “Yo Momma’s so fat they use her to play King of the Hill.”
    “Yo Momma’s so fat when you play territories she has control of ALL of them.”

    #106 4 years ago
  107. Gheritt White

    @ 101: Monty Python says “hi”.

    #107 4 years ago
  108. abnormal alan

    @101

    you’re right laughing at yanks is normally quite high in entertainment value. The previous 8 years of your government being my personal favourite.

    #108 4 years ago
  109. theevilaires

    Someone just post a link to balls of steel. Funniest thing to come out of Europe.

    #109 4 years ago
  110. deftangel

    Three Elites are starting a Brewery. Master Chief, on holiday and up for a few beers asks “Hey Elites, what’s the most important ingredient?”

    “WORT WORT WORT!”, reply the Elites.

    (Yes, I know this is terrible but I made it up myself rather than google “Halo Yo mamma jokes”. You can tell, I’m sure)

    PS @91 & @97 are good efforts :)

    #110 4 years ago
  111. abnormal alan

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4f9bNTnybA

    #111 4 years ago
  112. Oaksey_1985

    Grunt foreplay is very rare and strange…

    Can I Dadab your Guff and invade your Covenant, or get a Halo: Reach-around when my Needler is in your Kwassass?

    #112 4 years ago
  113. An Ugly Sod

    Two old guys sat at a bar.
    1st: “What about that new kids video game making so many millions on the day it came out?”
    2nd “What’s it called?”
    1st “Halo”
    2nd “Hello to you my name’s George an I’ll have a ½”
    1st “No it’s called Halo Reach”
    2nd “ Hello again and I told you it’s George and I’ve never liked the beach bloody sand everywhere”
    1st “ It’s about a Master Chief”
    2nd Long Pause: “ That bloody Gordon Ramsey he gets everywhere!”

    #113 4 years ago
  114. whaleyboy

    How does Master Chief sleep so well at night?
    He uses his “Pillow of Awesome”

    #114 4 years ago
  115. Massiveslag

    What’s the difference between ‘halo’ and Pakistan?

    In ‘halo’ you survive The Flood.

    #115 4 years ago
  116. Mourinho

    Two grunts are sitting at the top of the forunner structure watching big battle underneath and tell stories how the “demon” killed their former elite commanders.
    - He took plasma grenade and sticked it to his big sanghelli ass!!Can you imagine???! says first
    - Mine was splattered by the warhog while sleeping!!!
    - The demon is really evil and powerful
    - yes ( sound of the single sniper rifle round hiting two gruts) indeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed
    DOUBLE KILL

    #116 4 years ago
  117. Massiveslag

    “Let me see your halo”

    No Beyonce, get your lazy fat arse down to Gamestation and get your own copy.

    #117 4 years ago
  118. crackdude

    You know why they call him the Master Chief? Because he’s great……in sex

    …I’m awful at this ‘–

    #118 4 years ago
  119. whaleyboy

    Why did Master Chiefs marsupial pet suddenly grow opposable thumbs?

    His Wombat Evolved.

    #119 4 years ago
  120. Massiveslag

    I was playing on halo last Sunday morning when the mrs walked in shaking her head.

    “Come on turn that fantasy make-believe bollocks off, it’s time for church.”

    #120 4 years ago
  121. Petulant Radish

    Knock knock
    Halo?
    Halo 2 you.
    I ordered Reach you fucking muppet.

    Poor, I know.

    #121 4 years ago
  122. Yoshi

    1) I can see your Halo halo halo…

    See what I did there ;)

    #122 4 years ago
  123. Petulant Radish

    Why does Master Chief love Cortana?
    Because she’s always coming in and out of his helmet.

    I should get a show I’m that funny, can I have a cookie now?

    #123 4 years ago
  124. Massiveslag

    Halo Reach. Because dressing up as an armour-clad war vet and shooting randoms in the face is as close as you’re gonna get to normal.

    #124 4 years ago
  125. xino

    @115

    someone has to go that far wouldn’t they:/

    who would make a joke out of pain and suffering? only insensitivity people>:/

    #125 4 years ago
  126. The Hindle

    No 115 has won it for me, amazing dude.

    #126 4 years ago
  127. PwnedHaxor

    @115 Agreed!

    #127 4 years ago
  128. Superet

    Fighting a particularly nasty cold and constantly blowing his nose, SCPO Mendez was questioned by Cortana on what was clearly a sorely inadequate, sopping wet handkerchief: “Don’t you have a better one than that, sir?” she asked.

    “Oh no,” Mendez replied, “I reserve the Master ‘Chief for only the biggest clean-ups”.

    #128 4 years ago
  129. deftangel

    Playing for kicks as I blatantly won’t win. Inspired earlier in the thread.

    What did the ending say to Halo 2?
    “Halo, is it me you’re looking for?”

    #129 4 years ago
  130. Snufkin

    *At home a burned Sergeant Johnson gets a phone call from Dr Halsey.*

    Dr Halsey: “I have bad news and worse news”.

    Sergeant Johnson: “Yeh, what is it?”.

    Dr Halsey: “It’s about your burns from Guilty Sparks Beam…you only have 24 hours to live.”

    Sergeant Johnson: “Why that AMD piece of #@!!%.!, how can this get any worse?”.

    Dr Halsey: “Well, i’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday….but that’s not it, your Boren’s Syndrome has started to reduce the blood flow to your privates private and also negates the effect of viagra. I’m sorry Sir.”

    Darth Vader: Nooooooooooooo!!

    #130 4 years ago
  131. theevilaires

    Awful,Awful,Awful….no wonder its always cloudy over there :D

    #131 4 years ago
  132. yupyup

    What do Demi Moore and a Warthog have in common?

    Both have been made famous for having males of a questionable age shoot over them.

    #132 4 years ago
  133. Massiveslag

    “Halo Glitch Forces Some Xboxers To Play With Themselves”

    That’s a bit fucking obvious, that’s what they all do anyway.

    #133 4 years ago
  134. Tallon 4

    UK Only?

    That sucks :(

    #134 4 years ago
  135. OlderGamer

    Do these need to be passible by MS? I know Pat is picking, but I am not sure making fun of the very game MS is promoting is gonna get you folks a win.

    Making a joke in the world of Halo and making fun of Halo and/or its fans …. two different things.

    #135 4 years ago
  136. mattrobbo670

    Sorry 3 just came to me

    1)Planet reach have you been injured in a trip or fall at work or a massive explosion?
    we are injury lawyers 4 u our clients include John-117
    ‘I slipped on covenant blood I really hurt my knee I got £500 form the arbiter in compensation’
    just have make a call and our dedicated cortanas are standing by just waiting for your call
    0800 fallofreach

    2)what’s the master chief’s favourite position in the cortana sutra

    the halo reach around

    3)today the planet high charity will be collecting for the millions of families of lost jackals

    #136 4 years ago
  137. abnormal alan

    @136

    I think thats about the 6th time halo reach around has popped up

    #137 4 years ago
  138. Yoshi

    Why does it keep saying
    “You don’t have permission to access /wp-comments-post.php on this server.” When I try to do my joke :( But i can comment now

    #138 4 years ago
  139. mattrobbo670

    knock knock
    whos there
    arbiter
    arbiter who ?
    arbiter put the kettle on john-117 will be here soon

    you know the arbiter went to masterchief’s funeral
    isnt that like if the kkk went to michael jacksons funeral

    #139 4 years ago
  140. ValveLover

    Microsoft Announcement:

    Due to the great success of Halo: Reach, and the fact it made $200 million on day-one of release, we’re pleased to announce that all dlc for Halo: Reach will be free.

    #140 4 years ago
  141. David Sarkisjan

    FOX should report on Halo Reach. It gives children an idea how to pick up The Package, handle their “joysticks” and Finish the Fight.

    #141 4 years ago
  142. crackdude

    Why is it called Halo? Cause when you see it you go full circle and think about what you just did.

    #142 4 years ago
  143. shyeem

    Your Momma so FAT there’s NOT enough room in Forge! to fit your Momma!

    #143 4 years ago
  144. Callum

    Master cheif crash lands in a dessert. He trecks across, and bumps into a wandering salesman;

    “Would you like to buy a tie?”
    “No thanks I am looking for water” He replies, and wanders on

    After a whole day of walking, he bumps into another salesman;

    “Would you like to buy a tie?”
    “No thanks I am looking for water” He replies, and wanders on

    After a whole night of walking, Master cheif notices a hotel in the distance. He runs straight too it, and after an hour gets to the front gate. Beyond, he can see a fabulous fountain full of gushing water.

    The security guard says: “You can’t come in here without a tie”

    I feel so dirty for typing that lol.

    #144 4 years ago
  145. Callum

    Master cheif was hired in London as a head hunter for top level bankers.

    Although the results wern’t as we expected, to be honest, they wernt that bad either.

    #145 4 years ago
  146. Callum

    Master cheif went to the doctors with an insanely inflated testicle. It was so large, he had to carry it with one hand.

    “Crickey, ” Said the doctor “That is an odd ball”

    #146 4 years ago
  147. Callum

    come on they were good they were good let me win let me win let me win I’ll be your friend and touch Pats beard at eurogamer!!!!

    #147 4 years ago
  148. crackdude

    on a second thought this joke was so bad lol

    #148 4 years ago
  149. reask

    Master chief woke up in hospital after having his leg amputated through a war injury.
    Looks up and the doctor is standing over him.

    Well says the doc I have good news and bad news for you.
    Right then says master chief hit me with the bad news first.

    Thing is says the doctor we amputated the wrong leg I’m afraid.
    WTF says master chief, shit hit me with the good news before I faint.

    No problem says the doc.

    The good news is your bad leg is actually going to be OK after all.

    Boom Boom.

    #149 4 years ago
  150. crackdude

    master chief and duke nukem are leaving a bar
    master chief is surrounded by girls in bikini
    duke asks “how do you do it?”
    chief responds “i got game”

    #150 4 years ago
  151. Mike

    Master Chief was walking down the street when he saw a Grunt on the other side of the road giving an Elite a blowjob.
    “What on earth is he doing?!” Cortana said.
    “I don’t know,” replied The Chief who then went on to save Mankind from total annihilation against all manner of crazy odds.

    #151 4 years ago
  152. Aimless

    Q: How do you know that Kat’s a natural brunette?

    A: Because Spartans never dye.

    (Unlike myself, as I just did a little bit inside.)

    #152 4 years ago
  153. crackdude

    master chief and duke nukem are leaving a bar
    master chief is surrounded by girls in bikini
    duke asks “how do you do it?”
    chief responds “i got game”

    #153 4 years ago
  154. Yoshi

    Heres another

    (Periodic Table)

    1 = H
    47 = Ag (Ag – g) = A
    8 = O
    3 = Li (Li- i) = L

    = HALO Formula X MS + Bungie = Franchise

    #154 4 years ago
  155. Yoshi

    A Spartan is stranded in the desert. A man comes up to him and says “Do you need some help”. The Spartan responds with “No thankyou, Master Chief will save me.”
    Another man comes up to the Spartan and says “Hey do you need some help?” The Spartan responds again with “No thankyou, Master Chief will save me.”
    A third man comes up to the Spartan and says “Hey dude you look really bad do you need some help?” The Spartan once again responds with “No thankyou, Master Chief will save me.”
    The Spartan finally finds his way back to the HQ charges up to Master Chief and says “WHY DIDN’T YOU BLOODY SAVE ME!” Master Chief replies “I sent you three soldiers you dumbass!”

    #155 4 years ago
  156. GD101

    I think i play halo too much because when i started university the first thing i thought off was where the energy sword and rocket launcher where on campus….

    #156 4 years ago
  157. Callum

    Noble 6 was headed to his destination when he got stuck in traffic. He leant out the window and asked the ODST on guard next to him what the problem was.
    “Theres a banker up ahead who is threatening to douse himself in petrol and set fire to himself unless he gets his pension re-instated”
    Noble 6 looks upset.
    “We are actually running a collection for him, would you like to donate Sir?”
    Noble 6 replies : “Sure, sifon off all you can get from my warthog, theres a jiffy can in the back you can take aswell, and while your at it take my jetpack…I wouldn’t want the poor bastard to run out of matches.”

    #157 4 years ago
  158. locus2k1

    What do you call a Spartan not named Master Chief?

    Screwed.

    #158 4 years ago
  159. Callum

    A grunt is reading the newspaper, he turns to his mate and says
    “Shit, I’m stuck”

    “Whats the clue? ”

    ” 7 letters, currently stuck to my face, about to kill us both”

    ” grenade. That was ea…”
    *BOOM*

    #159 4 years ago
  160. AHA-Lambda

    Q: What did Cortana say to Master Chief in bed last night?

    A: That he was missing in action.

    #160 4 years ago
  161. Callum

    A brute was inspecting planet earths forrests.
    He found a rabbit.

    “Do you have trouble with your poo sticking to your fur? ”

    The rabbit said “No..?”

    So the brute grabbed the bunny and use it to whipe is ass.

    #161 4 years ago
  162. freedoms_stain

    This one time I won a round of Halo Deathmatch and at the end every single one of my 13 year old opponents said “Good game man, nice playing with you” rather than a torrent of abuse featuring the word “faggot” with stunning regularity.

    I am of course kidding.

    I’ve never won a round of Halo Deathmatch.

    #162 4 years ago
  163. mattrobbo670

    what do do you call a master chief with no eyes

    a master chef

    #163 4 years ago
  164. Mattigan

    When Mother Teresa died she went straight to heaven. Upon her arival St. Peter informed her that they’ve been expecting her. She was the given her Angel wings for all the great work she did on earth and her angel Halo.Later on that day Mother Teresa was walking around heaven when she saw Princess Diana with an even bigger Halo! Teresa got pissed off, and went to see St. Peter, and asked “After all of my years sacrificing for the poor and the needy, I get a Halo this small. But Diana only took a couple of pictures with some landmine kids and got an even bigger Halo than me!”St. Peter replied, “That’s not a Halo… That’s the steering wheel…”

    #164 4 years ago
  165. Psychotech

    Not from UK and i have a 360 but this competition is already a joke.
    Shouldn’t the requirement be something that has nothing to do with Halo just to give a chance for people that haven’t ever played the series or even have a 360 to win the damn thing?Most people who answer already have the console and the game so what’s the point?Just saying it’s not a joke :P

    #165 4 years ago
  166. BBQ Brumak

    Why did Auntie Dot say “4 gigs isn’t enough!!”?

    Because she couldn’t reach Noble Team.

    (Think about it – 4gb xbox360 console problem)

    #166 4 years ago
  167. psychosav89

    Master chief recieved a call from his agent. it was about a job offer for a bill board to advertise spartan themed tampons. the board would read:

    ”Finish The Fight”

    …Against Menstration, With the new HALO TAMPONS!

    WHEN THE FLOOD ATTACKS CALL MASTER CHIEF.”

    #167 4 years ago
  168. mattrobbo670

    the halo online covenant (ten commandments for all you haven’t seen Indiana jones and if you have not, go away and watch it)

    1.Thou shalt not camp
    2.Thou wilt teabag thy fallen adversary
    3.Thou will refrain from using profanity
    4.Thou will not design yourself to look like masterchief
    5.Thou shall not use armourlock every 20 f***ing seconds
    6.Thou shall learn to drive a warthog properly not like the AI
    7.Thou shall post your videos on Youtube
    8.Thou will ask to be my friend
    9.Thou shalt insult Robert Kotick (satan) every 5 seconds
    10.Always play knowing there is nothing better to do anywhere

    #168 4 years ago
  169. mattrobbo670

    @165 by the way i have halo 3 with an arcade console which is no joke apart from the fact i still play the free pac man game
    so i need an upgrade because the fan is louder than a crowd at a halo disco http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxuLOpuKTPw&feature=player_embedded#!

    #169 4 years ago
  170. OlderGamer

    @169

    Think that is bad, an aweful lot of us bought that very same Pac-Man.

    #170 4 years ago
  171. g00nerz

    Three couples are in a waiting room hoping to join their local Sangheili church. The Arbiter of the church calls the first couple into his office. They are an elderly Jackal couple and have been together a long time. The Arbiter turns to them and says “You do understand, that in order to join our church you must abstain from sex for three weeks. Do you think you can do this?”. The elderly Jackals reply “Father, we’ll do our best. We don’t think it’ll be a problem”. The Arbiter says “Go now, and come back in three weeks”.

    The next couple go in. Middle aged Brutes, they have been together for a while. The Arbiter gives them the same terms, they must abstain from sex for three weeks in order to join the church. “It will be difficult father, but we’ll do our best” say the Brute couple.

    The final couple go in, the newly wed Masterchief and Cortana. The Arbiter again repeats the terms. Masterchief says “We know it will be hard but we’ll give it our best shot father”.

    Three weeks later, the couples are back in the church waiting room. The Arbiter comes in then turns to the elderly Jackal couple. “Well, did you abstain from sex for three weeks?”. They replied, “Yes father, it wasn’t a problem”. “Ahhh, brother and sister, welcome to the church!”.

    He then turns to the middle aged Brute couple and asks once again “Did you manage to abstain from sex for three weeks?”. The reply came, “I won’t lie father, it was difficult, but yes we did manage to abstain for three weeks”. “Well done brother and sister! Welcome to our church!”.

    He then turns to Masterchief and Cortana, the newly weds. “Well, did you manage to abstain for three weeks?. Masterchief replied “I’m sorry father. The wife was bending over to pick up a box of cornflakes the other day and I was up her like a shot”. The Arbiter replied “Well I’m sorry, you’re not welcome in our church”. Masterchief replied “Yeah, we’re not welcome in Tesco either”.

    #171 4 years ago
  172. mattrobbo670

    @170 i pity you but god dammit that pac man game is incredible and sir i salute you and as soon as my brother tells me my online password or i make a new one i will friend you
    and
    @171 you stole the master chef thing from me @163

    #172 4 years ago
  173. sickpuppysoftware

    Masterchief walks into an agents office one day and says, “I’ve got a great act.”

    The agent replies that his books are full and there is a glut of super-soldier based acts.

    Masterchief says “but this act is really different.”

    “OK, you’ve got two minutes, what can you do?”

    “Well Linda-058 starts by screaming how gay the audience are, playing badly distorted dance music before hollering faggit repeatedly.”

    “Then Frederic-104 notices Linda-058 is a woman and spends the next 10 minutes badly coming onto her before descending into barely contained sexual threats. When Linda-058 ignores these advances Frederic-104 calls Linda-058 a lesbian c*cksucker.”

    “Joshua-029 who has been hiding backstage shoots Linda-058 in the back. He then hovers over Linda-058′s cold dead face and wipes his testicles back and forth across her nose, the sweat from his glistening globes leaving a trail across her forehead.”

    “Whilst Joshua-029 is dragging his gonads over Linda-058s prostrate body I also stand over her calling her a filthy arab ni**er motherf*cking qu**r over and over again in a high pitched squeal.”

    “That’s some act, what do you call yourself?” asked the agent.

    Masterchief replies, “The Aristocrats!”

    #173 4 years ago
  174. Sublimeone

    Master Chief and a couple of marines Scavenging a supposed Planet Reach 2.0, when suddenly and incoming message notifies them of a huge Spartan army farther off from their location. Before the message is finished. Master Chief runs off and shouts “Leroy Jenkins”.
    The marines have no idea what he means so attempt to follow suite, but cant catch up. So decide to retreat as which was formally instructed in the message.
    Hours later Master Chief returns after single handedly defeating the entire spartan army on the battle field. A marine approaches him and ask “Why did you do that, Sir?” Master chief, looks at the marine for while, then removes his own helmet and says “I always solo mid”.

    #174 4 years ago
  175. mattrobbo670

    the arbiter, cortana and miranda keyes walk into a film audition

    miranda goes in when she comes out she says “they like me but they say i’m to pretty”

    cortana goes in when she comes out she says “they like me but they say I’m to digital”

    the arbiter goes in and when he comes out he says, “they loved me, they said I looked just right, I got the starring role”

    “whats the part” Miranda and Cortana ask

    “I’m replacing Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and the city 3″

    #175 4 years ago
  176. Delds

    Why was Halo Chronicles never made?

    Because they couldn’t find Master Chief”s wingnut.

    #176 4 years ago
  177. Callum

    George : Ok 6, I’m not gonna lie to you, this is gonna be tough. We got covies all of the damn shop, I’m gonna sneak up this small cliff, and try and not make any noise in this river we are standing in. I’ll lay down covering fire, while you push up the hill. Ok 6 ?
    6 : My toes are getting pruney

    #177 4 years ago
  178. jxk94

    I asked a spartan girl out on a date. I said hello, can I take ou to dinner sometime.
    She replied “you had me at halo”

    #178 4 years ago
  179. Goffee

    What’s a Spartan’s favourite song?

    “Halo, is it me you’re looking for.”

    #179 4 years ago
  180. rare uk

    What is a halo characters fave dish?

    Pasta beef

    /groan

    #180 4 years ago
  181. rare uk

    What do you call a pissed off and angry halo character?

    Master Beef

    #181 4 years ago
  182. celery7

    Master Chief went to the Doctor’s complaining of a sore throat, the Dr. asked him to remove his helmet then go over to the window and stick his tongue out.

    Having done so the chief took a seat and asked how this helps with the diagnosis.

    ‘It doesn’t’ said Dr. ‘I just don’t like the bloke who lives over the road.’

    #182 4 years ago
  183. rare uk

    What do you call a halo character in tight trousers?

    Master Chafe

    #183 4 years ago
  184. rare uk

    What do you call a dirty halo character?

    Nasty Brief(s)

    #184 4 years ago
  185. rare uk

    What would a halo porno sound like?

    It would be full of grunts.

    #185 4 years ago
  186. Marx n Engels

    Lloyd Grossman pulled the glowing purple shard from his neck. “Its pronounced…*cough cough* Master CHEF”.

    “Are you sure?” The Grunt inquired, powering down his needler.

    #186 4 years ago
  187. Psychotext

    I’m a little scared by some of these “jokes”.

    #187 4 years ago
  188. Callum

    lol, I’d love to see the point scoring system Pat is going to use

    #188 4 years ago
  189. Marx n Engels

    In all honesty, having contributed a fair few of these jokes, it is all just quite good fun.

    #189 4 years ago
  190. celery7

    What have Master Chief and Rod Hull’s TV ariel got in common?

    Neither of them were within reach.

    #190 4 years ago
  191. Kuwabara

    i will buy each one of you a limited edition halo console and game if u promise to have a gay orgie between each other.

    #191 4 years ago
  192. Marx n Engels

    Imagine the fanboy offspring!

    #192 4 years ago
  193. Heitzu

    Master Chief dies. The end.

    #193 4 years ago
  194. bpcgos

    PEW.. Pew.. Pew..PEW

    Damn, die you all Lowless grunts!!

    KACHINNG!!
    “Achievement Received for killing all the grunts”

    Tiiit………..
    SYSTEM ERROR………..
    Sorry… you’re not LIVE IN THE UK…
    THIS IS A UK-ONLY achievement…

    ………………………….
    Why, oh why Microsoft??

    #194 4 years ago
  195. Dr.Freeman

    what is the difference between Gordon Freeman and Master Chief? one is set on silent and the other on vibration…

    #195 4 years ago
  196. Marx n Engels

    Customisable Spartan gear, usable both in multiplayer and single player – giant shoulder pads havent been this cool since 1920.

    #196 4 years ago
  197. Craig

    (Posted on bathroom door)

    WARNING FLOOD!

    Master Chief has been informed.

    #197 4 years ago
  198. Dralen

    Yo Momma’s so fat, it would take all of the Halos being activated to starve her.

    Yo Momma’s so fat, she doesn’t need a vehicle to get splatter medals.

    #198 4 years ago
  199. lexph3re

    Wanna hear a halo joke? Here’s one shotgun vs the elbow. WHO WILL WIN……. next round elbow versus rocket launcher!

    #199 4 years ago
  200. Parallax

    I’ve been waiting ages to have a Slayer match with Princess Diana, but she’s always on the dashboard.

    #200 4 years ago
  201. Robster1979

    There was this Noble 6 guy who was 1/2 Irish, 1/2 Scottish.
    He wanted a drink but he couldn’t bring himself to buy one

    #201 4 years ago
  202. Robster1979

    An Englishman, a Welshman and Noble 6 were at the fair and about to go on the helter-skelter when an old crone steps in front of them.

    “This is a magic ride,” the crone says. “You will land in whatever you shout out on the way down.”

    “I’m game for this,” says the Welshman and slides down the helter-skelter shouting “GOLD!” at the top of his voice. Sure enough, when he hit the bottom he found himself surrounded by thousands of pounds worth of gold coins.

    The Englishman goes next and shouts “SILVER!” at the top of his voice. At the bottom he lands in more silver coinage than he can carry.

    Noble 6 goes last and, launching himself from the top of the slide shouts “WEEEEEEE!”

    #202 4 years ago
  203. Robster1979

    Noble 6 was rather sad after viewing the body of Jorge, a good friend and an atheist.

    “There he was. All dressed up and no place to go.” sobbed Noble 6

    #203 4 years ago
  204. darthbeermonkey

    What’s Masterchief’s favorite car? A Ford Cortanna.

    #204 4 years ago
  205. mattrobbo670

    masterchief has killed many a foe, but he’s a virgin only ever gotten to base 2.5 the teabag

    The trainers of the Spartans wanted the Spartans to be without desires so the suit doubles as a chastity belt

    You know the covenant are religous nutjobs, i bet they are in the galactic branch of scientology, and tom cruise is their overlord in a mask

    you know the big thing gravemind looks like something from the little shop of horrors i expect to break out in song, like feed me from the movie

    #205 4 years ago
  206. mattrobbo670

    noble 6 was a one man wolf pack

    #206 4 years ago
  207. mattrobbo670

    I think my Xbox 360 arcade has dementia in cant remember reach

    They say you can judge a man by the company he keeps, the masterchief hangs out with the arbiter he must be mental

    at the start of halo combat evolved masterchief and cortana made like a banana and split

    I bet under that mask it’s john mccain saying i saved the galaxy please elect me now

    masterchief seems pretty pissed off he just found out his moms f***ing activision

    #207 4 years ago
  208. mattrobbo670

    I think my Xbox 360 arcade has dementia in cant remember reach

    They say you can judge a man by the company he keeps, the masterchief hangs out with the arbiter he must be mental

    at the start of halo combat evolved masterchief and cortana made like a banana and split

    I bet under that mask it’s john mccain saying i saved the galaxy please elect me now

    masterchief seems pretty pissed off he just found out his moms f***ing bobby kotick satan

    #208 4 years ago
  209. STEGUINO

    Yo Momma’s so fat when you play territories she has control of ALL of them

    Your mommas so fat, she is the ark

    Yo momma’s so ugly, she makes the Gravemind jealous

    2 flood carriers walk into a crowded bar……….Boom-Boom

    #209 4 years ago
  210. celery7

    Master chief to Bungie dev -

    MC:’How come some of the texture work on the original Halo game, released several years ago on an older generation of hardware is superior to that of Reach?’

    BD:’Well spotted. It’s so that if you play the series in chronological order there’s no drop in graphical quality when you get to the older games. It’s called the Lucas effect, if we hadn’t done it we’d have been stuck in a loop endlessly tweaking the games to achieve graphical parity. We did it on purpose.’

    MC:’That makes vague sense. So why is halo 3 so ugly?’

    BD:’Must be your TV’s settings.’

    MC:’Hmm, ok. Why is ODST set in the Arndale Centre?’

    BD:’………………’

    #210 4 years ago
  211. rare uk

    Master Chief and Beyonce are in bed together and Master Chief says to beyonce

    “Baby,can I feel your halo halo halo”

    /nudge /nudge /wink /wink

    (0/

    #211 4 years ago
  212. locus2k1

    I joined the Spartan Training Program the other day, they say it’s a “Once in a Lifetime Oppertunity”….

    Eurgh, never again.

    Paraphrasing a joke from the Edinburgh comedy festival there :)

    #212 4 years ago
  213. sybs

    A jackal walks into a bar.
    The bartender says, “Why the long face?”

    #213 4 years ago
  214. sybs

    Three guys go into a bar in New Mombasa. An Englishman, a Welshman, and a Brute.
    The bartender says, “Oi! We don’t serve your kind in here!”
    The Welshman says “Oh bloody hell, everywhere I go!”

    #214 4 years ago
  215. Huntcjna

    An Elite walks into a bar, sits down, leans over to the guy next to him and says, ”Wanna hear a Spartan joke?”

    The guy next to him replies, ”Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I’m 6′ tall, 200 lbs, and I’m a Spartan. The guy sitting next to me called Emile is 6’2” tall, weighs 225, and he’s a Spartan. The fella next to him is called Jorge and is 6’5” tall, weighs 250, and he’s also a Spartan. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?”

    The Elite says, ”Nah, I don’t want to have to explain it three times.”

    #215 4 years ago
  216. mington

    I didn’t realise the covenant were such big drinkers :P

    #216 4 years ago
  217. mington

    Beyonce, Master Chief, Darth Vader, Satan and a Welsh man walk into a bar

    Ouch

    Darth Vader: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    #217 4 years ago
  218. mington

    I walk into a bar and drink myself into an early grave

    halo

    #218 4 years ago
  219. Huntcjna

    Master Chief and a Marine nip to the toilet. When they are done, the Marine goes to the sink and starts to wash his hands, while the Master Chief starts to leave.

    The Marine yells to the Master Chief, “Major Johnson teaches us to wash our hands.”

    Master Chief yells back, “Cortana teaches us not to piss on ours!”

    #219 4 years ago
  220. Massiveslag

    When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Master Chief.

    #220 4 years ago
  221. Massiveslag

    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Master Chief has allowed to live.

    #221 4 years ago
  222. RickyWicky

    Oh god these are awful…

    #222 4 years ago
  223. mington

    Fork handles/four candles/halo

    #223 4 years ago
  224. Massiveslag

    You know you play too much Halo when you know the correct pronunciation of MJOLNIR.

    #224 4 years ago
  225. mington

    What do you call a Spartan with a spade in his head

    DOUG

    AHHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHA
    HAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAAAHHAHHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAHHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHA

    #225 4 years ago
  226. mington

    I’m hoping quantity over quality will shine through

    #226 4 years ago
  227. Massiveslag

    Halo pick up lines:

    I think there is something wrong with my auto-aim. I can’t take my eyes off of you.

    I’m like a plasma grenade. Let me get sticky with you and I’ll make you explode.

    I was following the indicator on where to score and it brought me to you.

    I cannot be held responsible for your success or failure when using any of these. Mind you if you’re using Halo pick up lines, then I think you’ll probably be leaning towards the latter… :D

    #227 4 years ago
  228. Massiveslag

    What’s long, hard and gets head?

    The sniper rifle.

    #228 4 years ago
  229. Huntcjna

    Why do Spartans use decimals?

    So they can get to the point.

    Also please remember Master Chief doesn’t do push ups he pushes the earth down!

    #229 4 years ago
  230. mington

    #230 4 years ago
  231. Massiveslag

    More pick up lines..

    I usually press “X” to pick up weapons. Does that work for picking YOU up as well?

    Are we playing Assault? Cause I’m pretty sure you are the bomb.

    What do you say I take my flag pole to your base and score?

    #231 4 years ago
  232. mington

    You know when you’ve been playing halo too much when society hates you

    #232 4 years ago
  233. Superet

    What do Cortana and Microsoft Windows have in common?

    They’re both designed to run computer systems but there’s always a battle of installation.

    #233 4 years ago
  234. mington

    There’s is a lot of abstract comedy going on in here :P

    #234 4 years ago
  235. Massiveslag

    I think comedy may be pushing it a little Mington…

    #235 4 years ago
  236. Superet

    They’re only feelings; they’ll heal.

    :(

    #236 4 years ago
  237. g00nerz

    A couple of Spartans are out on the battlefield when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other Spartan whips out his radio and contacts base. He gasps: “Spartan-117 is dead! What can I do?”

    The answer comes back, in a calm soothing voice: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

    The Spartans voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

    #237 4 years ago
  238. mington

    What do you call a spartan with no arms and an eyepatch?

    Names

    Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or if you can’t be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub……halo

    #238 4 years ago
  239. Whizzo

    I went on a once in a life time holiday to Reach, I’ll tell you what, never again.

    With apologies to Tim Vine for the theft of his award winning joke.

    #239 4 years ago
  240. cheezus69

    knock knock… who’s there!?… a grunt… a who grunt who?… *’splodes the door down*

    #240 4 years ago
  241. Fnerk

    Why did the Elite apologise to Cortana?

    He was “sorry Arbiter”

    #241 4 years ago
  242. Windsmeare

    On Reach, in one of it’s many supermarkets, In the “five items or less” aisle, a Master Chief stands waiting to complete his shopping. In his basket he has a six-pack of beer, Kleenex and a Thai ready-meal – for one.

    Behind him, a woman stands waiting to complete her shopping. Master Chief notices one item of shopping in her basket; a Thai ready-meal for one.

    “You’re single, aren’t you?” he asks her.

    “Yes”, she replies with a girlish giggle, “how could you tell?”

    “Well”, Master Chief replies, “it’s because you’re fat and ugly”.

    #242 4 years ago
  243. abnormal alan

    I love how a lot of these jokes are just regular old jokes with the words spartan or Master Chief thrown in

    #243 4 years ago
  244. Callum

    Heres a joke. 16 heads on head hunter, about 4 foot away from the zone. “Zone Changed”.

    That’s fine, im elite, I’ll make it.

    On the way, drop down to the elavator and grab the rocket launcher.

    Fight my way over to the new zone, bunch of idiots are gunning for each other and not noticing the big 16 above my head, so I pick a few off and go up to 18.

    2 foot away from the zone. Boom. Headshot.

    Idiot rank 1 corporal with no commendations takes 19 skulls in one go, and scores them.

    He still lost.
    Ha. Fucking. Ha.

    #244 4 years ago
  245. Massiveslag

    This fit bird I met last night in a club asked me to give her a good seeing to, in exchange for a copy of Halo: Combat Evolved’

    I thought fuck this for a game of soldiers!

    #245 4 years ago
  246. Callum

    lol. ^^ winner.

    #246 4 years ago
  247. Massiveslag

    I recently watched a friend of mine playing Halo: Reach.

    He changed his language to French because he thought it would be some easy kills on the less competitive players.

    Unfortunately for him, when playing capture the flag, both team’s flags were white.

    #247 4 years ago
  248. Massiveslag

    First Beyonce released Halo, now Jordin Sparks releases Battlefield.

    What’s next? Rihanna – Call of Duty?

    #248 4 years ago
  249. Massiveslag

    BBC News: New flood fears in southern Pakistan

    The PR for the new Halo is working brilliantly.

    #249 4 years ago
  250. Massiveslag

    I was looking everywhere for my Halo game and eventually found it at the back of my TV cabinet.

    It was above and beyond the call of duty.

    #250 4 years ago
  251. abnormal alan

    Jokes gonna be on us when it turns out there is no prize and in a months time oddly Pat will have released his first book “Jokes from the world of Halo”

    though to be fair looking at the quality of our jokes he wont sell many

    #251 4 years ago
  252. Marx n Engels

    …and now everyone sits back and waits eagerly.

    #252 4 years ago
  253. Ghost_Dog

    Good luck everyone.

    I hope that an original joke wins and not some regurgitated joke with Halo shoehorned in.

    #253 4 years ago
  254. Marx n Engels

    Agreed – there were some genuinely great jokes posted up here.

    *crosses fingers*

    #254 4 years ago
  255. Aimless

    Judging by this thread, if we all pooled together are comedic talent it would probably amount to an entire page of The Beano.

    #255 4 years ago
  256. Marx n Engels

    …a whole page? Really :-P

    #256 4 years ago
  257. rare uk

    It’s past midday, have they announced who won yet. I wonder if it’s out of my “reach”

    hahahaha

    #257 4 years ago
  258. Aimless

    @256 With adverts.

    #258 4 years ago
  259. Marx n Engels

    @ 258 Ah that makes more sense.

    #259 4 years ago
  260. xino

    I just woke up midday and no one won yet O_o

    #260 4 years ago
  261. shkpwns

    Wall-E is the crack child of Auntie Dot and Guilty Spark!

    #261 4 years ago
  262. shkpwns

    what do you call a whore who only does it on hay? JORGE!

    #262 4 years ago
  263. shkpwns

    “Hey masterchief, who taught you to move like that?”

    Masterchief “Havok physics..”

    #263 4 years ago
  264. Blerk

    I’m getting flashbacks to Digitiser’s “The Man’s Daddy”.

    #264 4 years ago
  265. Marx n Engels

    Master Chief – “Hey, is that Neil Blomkamp?”

    Noble Six – “Don’t be daft, he would never show his face around here now.”

    #265 4 years ago
  266. Patrick Garratt

    OK, we’re closed. I’ll pick a winner tomorrow.

    #266 4 years ago
  267. Superet

    It’s okay. I’m used to waiting for disappointment.

    #267 4 years ago
  268. No_PUDding

    Fuck, I blame my computer for making me late to this party.

    #268 4 years ago
  269. No_PUDding

    I LOVE how 180 and 181 (rareuk) couldn’t even be bothered to name a Halo character and settled for just that: “Halo Character”.

    #269 4 years ago
  270. rare uk

    LOL yeah because it would have given the joke away….I use the term joke loosely ;)

    #270 4 years ago
  271. No_PUDding

    True, it was just hilarious amid all the failures to commit to an actual Halo joke, that you managed to do something that looked almost ironically non-committal to the task.

    You win in my opinion.

    #271 4 years ago
  272. punkduck

    I know this is probably far too late but I feel like posting it anyway…

    Did you know that Noble team actually originally had nine members till one of them got infected by the flood? They tried to just ignore it and pretend he was still a member of the team but it all fell apart when eventually 7 ate 9.

    #272 4 years ago
  273. mattrobbo670

    I just hope I win which is less likely than michael jackson being John-117 sing to the tune of billy jean ‘the arbiter is not my son, cortana says i am the one arbiter is not my son’

    #273 4 years ago
  274. Marx n Engels

    Think most of us are in with a chance – all depends what sort of thing Pat G. finds funny.

    #274 4 years ago
  275. rare uk

    Who’s won?

    #275 4 years ago
  276. Marx n Engels

    Pat didnt post on here to say competition was closed until 3pm UK time – so if he announces the winner at a similar sort of midday, we may still have a few hours to wait.

    #276 4 years ago
  277. rare uk

    lol @ “similar sort of midday”

    #277 4 years ago
  278. Marx n Engels

    If only it had been Halo related

    #278 4 years ago
  279. Marx n Engels

    Still no news?

    #279 4 years ago
  280. Massiveslag

    You really want to win this eh Marx?

    Don’t get me wrong, I really do too!

    #280 4 years ago
  281. Marx n Engels

    lol I wouldnt mind – but i think its fair to say its 50% want to win, 50% really interested to see who does win.

    Plus I have nothing else to do :-( Sad times.

    #281 4 years ago
  282. yupyup

    Pat, just tell them I’ve won it and put them out of their misery. It’s cruel.

    #282 4 years ago
  283. Massiveslag

    @281

    Lol! I think you may be right. As long as some old joke that had Halo shoe-horned into it doesn’t take it!

    #283 4 years ago
  284. genesisdnb

    Winner?

    #284 4 years ago
  285. Marx n Engels

    Exactly – because there have been some really rather good ones…and a lot of questionable ones. Just hope someone deserving gets it – is a great prize.

    #285 4 years ago
  286. abnormal alan

    you know its my birthday in a few days. That’d make a nice present for me cheers Pat ;-)

    #286 4 years ago
  287. Massiveslag

    Alan you swine. No emotional blackmail! :D

    #287 4 years ago
  288. abnormal alan

    this isn’t emotional blackmail the fact that I have Pats family tied up in my car is where the blackmail comes in :-)

    #288 4 years ago
  289. Marx n Engels

    …well if we are now playing this game, it was my birthday bang on ten days ago :-P

    All is fair when everyone is trying to win a xbox through humour!

    #289 4 years ago
  290. Massiveslag

    Oh, in that case carry on.

    #290 4 years ago
  291. Massiveslag

    Right, if that’s the route we’re going to take. I had to sell my Xbox to pay for my sick mothers hospital treatment.

    #291 4 years ago
  292. abnormal alan

    i just found a lump on my ball. Need something to take my mind of it?

    #292 4 years ago
  293. abnormal alan

    oh and my wee burns

    #293 4 years ago
  294. Marx n Engels

    ….well, this may be stooping a little lower than necessary fellas.

    #294 4 years ago
  295. rare uk

    I’m sure it’s past “similar sort of midday”

    #295 4 years ago
  296. abnormal alan

    now now I believe Pat to be an upstanding gentleman and i’m sure he will tell us the winner at the appropriate time *wink *wink

    #296 4 years ago
  297. Marx n Engels

    …perhaps we were right all along. Perhaps the ruse that they were giving away a special ed 360 WAS the Halo related joke.

    #297 4 years ago
  298. yupyup

    They’ve flogged the console and buggered off to the boozer!

    #298 4 years ago
  299. Ghost_Dog

    My wife left me because I was playing too much PS3.

    I presumed that she must be a PS3 hater. I am hoping the limited edition Halo: Reach Xbox 360 will win back her heart.

    #299 4 years ago
  300. abnormal alan

    she told me she doesn’t like 360 either so don’t worry you don’t need it

    #300 4 years ago
  301. spiderLAW

    I just want to know….Where the shit is the USA VG247 followers chance to win something hey Mr. Garrat? Huh? Huh?!

    #301 4 years ago
  302. Ghost_Dog

    You can keep her, if I can have the Xbox.

    #302 4 years ago
  303. mattrobbo670

    please just tell us

    #303 4 years ago
  304. mattrobbo670

    this is a longer wait than masterchief in cryogenic sleep

    #304 4 years ago
  305. rare uk

    He’s obviously completely bamboozled at the sublime quality of some of our jokes ;)

    #305 4 years ago
  306. Psychotext

    That, or his brain has put him into a coma for the sake of his mental health.

    #306 4 years ago
  307. mattrobbo670

    yes that must be it or the exact opposite

    #307 4 years ago
  308. rare uk

    TBH he’s probably forgotten and is probably right down the boozer as we speak, while we wait with baited breath on every F5 refresh

    #308 4 years ago
  309. mattrobbo670

    i’ve been waiting day and night like most of you because if I dont win this ill start saving for one just like this i might get it by the time the next halo comes out

    #309 4 years ago
  310. rare uk

    It could be a stealth let’s see which saddo’s don’t go out on a Friday night thread

    #310 4 years ago
  311. mattrobbo670

    i think i qualify

    #311 4 years ago
  312. rare uk

    La la la la

    #312 4 years ago
  313. Aimless

    Ooh-ahh-aah-uh-ah-uh-ahh, surely?

    #313 4 years ago
  314. DSB

    You know.. You could’ve given this to a childrens hospital, an underfunded orphanage, or a destitute village somewhere in Tanzania.

    Instead, you hand it out to guys on PCs, who tell bad jokes on the internet.

    (I’m just kidding! I fucking despise orphans, I think sick children should be miserable, and I don’t even know what a Tanzania is! HA ha ha!)

    #314 4 years ago
  315. mattrobbo670

    @314 preachin to the choir

    #315 4 years ago
  316. mattrobbo670

    he tweeted me hes gonna read the jokes over the weekend and then announce on monday

    #316 4 years ago
  317. Dralen

    This better go back to the front when the winner is announced or I’m gonna forget to check.

    #317 4 years ago
  318. Ghost_Dog

    I think the joke is that there is no Halo: Reach Xbox 360.

    Pat has on eBay;
    http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=190448163410

    #318 4 years ago
  319. freedoms_stain

    Who sells the console but keeps all the accessories including the HDD?

    #319 4 years ago
  320. Superet

    A scoundrel.

    #320 4 years ago
  321. freedoms_stain

    That was perhaps the best possible answer.

    Bravo that man! :D

    #321 4 years ago
  322. Marx n Engels

    The waiting is torture!

    #322 4 years ago
  323. rare uk

    I’m going to get this site banned at work if I keep pressing F5 anymore. Their proxies will discover my dodgy website habits!!

    #323 4 years ago
  324. Michael O’Connor

    @322 You can last. You already know you’re basically won it anyway. =P

    #324 4 years ago
  325. Marx n Engels

    I fear Michael you are the only one of that opinion – my particular brand of humour might work better as a little Penny Arcade short comic, but not sure it has the same gravitas as just words on a comment thread.

    #325 4 years ago
  326. Massiveslag

    Ooh, I don’t know about that Mr O’Connor. :D

    #326 4 years ago
  327. Marx n Engels

    If only I had an xbox to help pass the time…

    #327 4 years ago
  328. mattrobbo670

    yes Im just sitting in front of the tv watching recorded xbox advertisements and crying

    #328 4 years ago
  329. Marx n Engels

    At least you can see through the tears.

    #329 4 years ago
  330. Superet

    I think we can safely say it isn’t happening today, folks.

    This is an unusual competition.

    #330 4 years ago
  331. Marx n Engels

    Or we are trapped in some weird 12:01/Groundhog day loop where we never make it to midday Thursday 23rd.

    #331 4 years ago
  332. Superet

    Just think of the possibilities!

    #332 4 years ago
  333. rare uk

    bumpage!! Anything? Who won?

    #333 4 years ago
  334. Superet

    Don’t you get it? There isn’t a prize!

    We were duped, rare uk. DUPED!

    #334 4 years ago
  335. Patrick Garratt

    God. Right. I’ll promise I’ll announce it today. My wife’s been away for the last four days so I’ve been looking after three small children alone. My eyes were too full of tears to read your “jokes”.

    #335 4 years ago
  336. Superet

    Great. Now I feel like a jerk.

    #336 4 years ago
  337. Blerk

    Are you sure it wasn’t the “jokes” that were causing the “tears”? :-D

    #337 4 years ago
  338. Massiveslag

    Oof, three small children for four days? No wonder Pat has other things on his mind! :D

    #338 4 years ago
  339. Ghost_Dog

    Got three myself. It’s chaos when it’s only one of you looking after them.

    #339 4 years ago
  340. rare uk

    Yeah I got to pick my 3 yr old up at 12 from pre-school, and work at the same time….not looking forward to it.

    #340 4 years ago
  341. abnormal alan

    I’d say it was definitely the jokes causing the tears

    #341 4 years ago
  342. Patrick Garratt

    I was joking about the tears :D

    I’ll sort it later, promise.

    #342 4 years ago
  343. OlderGamer

    Small childern are easy. Some duct tape, a closet, and your good! Its when they get old enough to remove the duct tape that you begin to have problems.

    #343 4 years ago
  344. abnormal alan

    then you start using cable tires round the wrists. works a treat ;)

    #344 4 years ago
  345. Callum

    And instead of a closet, something like a gun cabinet, the boot of a car or some concrete shoes also works.

    #345 4 years ago
  346. Superet

    I give them concrete onesies.

    Problem solved. Forever.

    #346 4 years ago
  347. g00nerz

    Do what I do – put the DVD series of Trap Door on (oh yes, the one from the 80′s). My kids will sit there and watch for hours.

    Whatever you do though, don’t leave them alone with Eyepet. Ive never seen so much squabbling and fighting.

    If all else fails, get some er-20 acoustic noise reducing ear plugs and let the kids go wild. Tidy darts.

    #347 4 years ago
  348. abnormal alan

    @347

    gotta love a bit of Trap Door, that and danger mouse

    #348 4 years ago
  349. Marx n Engels

    *Feels delightfully young*

    #349 4 years ago
  350. rare uk

    So far he’s watched Princess and the Frog and Lazytown!

    #350 4 years ago
  351. Marx n Engels

    Yawn

    #351 4 years ago
  352. Marx n Engels

    *tumble weed breezes past*

    #352 4 years ago
  353. Massiveslag

    Marx. You’re looking a bit desperate. Besides your jokes were terrible. ;)

    #353 4 years ago
  354. Marx n Engels

    Ouch! Hit me where it hurts!

    #354 4 years ago
  355. abnormal alan

    you know its gonna end up being won by someone that came on posted 1 joke and then forgot about it

    #355 4 years ago
  356. abnormal alan

    If Pat keeps going like this though at least he’ll have a prize ready for when the next Halo gets released

    Win a limited edition ‘Vintage’ Halo: Reach Xbox 360!

    #356 4 years ago
  357. Patrick Garratt

    Jesus Christ. You lot are seriously unfunny.

    #357 4 years ago
  358. Suikoden Fan

    wow, i seriously forgot about this compo lol

    @Pat maybe then it should go to the worst joke :P

    #358 4 years ago
  359. Marx n Engels

    Comedians > Gamers

    #359 4 years ago
  360. abnormal alan

    what are you talking about me and Marx are bloody hilarious, it’s not our fault f the world has yet to catch up with the humor

    #360 4 years ago
  361. The_Deleted

    I’ve been sat playing Reach so long my breath stinks…
    I call it HALOtosis!

    #361 4 years ago
  362. Superet

    Even your sarcasm isn’t funny. :P

    #362 4 years ago
  363. abnormal alan

    who’s being sarcastic?

    #363 4 years ago
  364. Marx n Engels

    Isnt sarcasm meant to be sarcastic…and not necessary funny?

    #364 4 years ago
  365. Superet

    Sarcasm goes either way: funny or annoying.

    #365 4 years ago
  366. Marx n Engels

    Well at least we got that sorted out.

    #366 4 years ago
  367. Patrick Garratt

    Massiveslag wins. Post 245. This:

    “This fit bird I met last night in a club asked me to give her a good seeing to, in exchange for a copy of Halo: Combat Evolved’

    I thought fuck this for a game of soldiers!”

    Massiveslag, send your name and address to patrick [at] vg247.com If you don’t see this and post it before tomorrow morning, I’ll do a news story announcing you as the winner.

    Congrats. Commiserations to the rest of you. There will be more, I promise. And I’m sorry this took so long to finalise. Blame my wife. I do.

    #367 4 years ago
  368. abnormal alan

    Congrats Massiveslag

    you fucker

    #368 4 years ago
  369. OlderGamer

    Good job Massiveslag, enjoy your new system/game.

    #369 4 years ago
  370. Psychotext

    Ha, that was one of the few ones I actually read. :D

    #370 4 years ago
  371. Superet

    Approximately how many of these actually made you laugh, Patrick?

    #371 4 years ago
  372. Marx n Engels

    Congrats Massiveslag! Enjoy the console.

    *wipes the tears away*

    :-)

    #372 4 years ago
  373. ianos

    Obviously my high-brow satire has no place in the realm of you plebs!

    *storms out*

    #373 4 years ago
  374. rare uk

    lol well done MassiveSlag you lucky sod! It was a good one though

    #374 4 years ago
  375. No_PUDding

    Surely his/her name is insult enough?

    #375 4 years ago
  376. celery7

    It’s a shame it didn’t go to an original joke, there were a few amongst the googled ;-)

    /isn’t bitter

    #376 4 years ago
  377. xino

    who cares I didn’t win.
    Xbox 360 sucks.
    I love my ps3 like Patrick Garrat’s wife!

    Massive. enjoy Xbawks Live full of annoying singing kids and morons.

    i bet this joke is funny now right?:P

    #377 4 years ago
  378. Massiveslag

    I’d like to say thank you for all your congratulations. And here’s me thinking you’d be sore losers! ;)

    Pat, I’ve sent you over my address details via email.

    #378 4 years ago
  379. Ghost_Dog

    Let’s be honest, they were all shit jokes…

    …apart from mine ;-)

    #379 4 years ago