Mon, Jul 26, 2010 | 09:45 BST
Rumour: “GTA V is set in…”
“Heathrow’s off at the next exit.”
“I should have bought my sat nav.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“This morning wasn’t so good.”
“I suppose it isn’t easy leaving them for trips.”
“Yes. Look.”
“What?”
“It was more than that. And this isn’t a trip, as such. Thanks for coming to help with the car.”
“It’s nothing. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Don’t, alright? Not now.”
“Sorry. What’s up?”
“I told her.”
“Told her what?”
“I told her I’m gay.”
[pause]
“What?”
“I told her I’m gay.”
“What?”
“I thought this is what you wanted.”
“Jesus. Well, yes. But. Fuck. Turn off here.”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure you’re gay?”
“The ‘bumming men’ gave it away, I think. Well, ‘bumming man’.”
“Really?”
“There was never anyone else.”
“Oh my God. What about the kids?”
“I don’t know. I’m dying. I just had to tell her and go.”
“I. I.”
“This isn’t about you. I mean, it is, but I had to do it. Pass me a cigarette, will you.”
“Yes. Here.”
[zippo]
“Thanks.”
“Look, I have to say this. Hang on: where the fuck are you going?”
“America. I’ll be back in about a month. I’m sorry. I know this isn’t ideal. I’m very glad you could come with me today.”
“There’s still an us?”
“Yes, of course.”
“OK. Look, I’m so sorry. About the funeral. And the other times. I’ll really try to lay off it from now on. I think I was hitting it so hard because of the situation between the two of us. I’ve been seriously fucked up by the whole thing.”
“I know. And I’m sorry too. I. I’m not normally such a cunt. I’ve been horrible to my wife. And to you.”
“Here.”
“Yes.”
“What did she say?”
“She said she knew something was going on, but when I told her it was a man she was stunned.”
[window, flicking sound]
“I know this sounds awful, but I’m extremely happy.”
“I know you are.”
“There’s a space there.”
[seatbelts and doors slamming. suitcase and boot. remote key lock. break in recording. static for approximately 11 minutes]
“OK. I’m going to check in.”
“Don’t.”
“I have to. I’m going.”
“No, I don’t mean that. I. Oh God. I.”
“What?”
“I love you.”
[pause. muffled tannoy]
“I love you too.”
[crying, a crushing sound]
“OK. I really am going.”
“OK. Please call me.”
“I will.”
[pause]
“Wait.”
“Yes?”
“What about that story you mentioned?”
“[laughs] You’re shocking.”
“Man’s got to live.”
“This is a big one. And they’re about to close your gate.”
“No problem. We’re in an airport. It’s full of planes.”
“It’s GTA V.”
“About time.”
“It’s not easy.”
“I know. Did you get the setting?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“And?”
“It’s set in Hollywood.”
“OK.”
[pause]
“Really?”
“That’s what I’ve been told.”
“Seems small.”
“Yeah, well. I didn’t make it.”
“Who?”
“Come on.”
“You asked Rockstar?”
“No comment.”
“Right.”
“They’re going to announce it soon.”
“When?”
“I don’t know. I think it’s going to be at the Max Payne 3 event. ‘Soon’ is all that was said. I doubt GI’s canvassing opinion on location for fun.”
“I saw that, yeah.”
“That’s it.”
“OK. I appreciate it.”
“No sweat. I’ve got another good one for you. Maybe that’ll help make your mind up about coming back from the US.”
“No doubt.”
[pause]
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
91 comments
Newer Comments
#1
Tallon 4
26/07/10, 9:50 am
Wahaha! Awesome job
#2
Joe Anderson
26/07/10, 9:50 am
Legend.
#3
Danbojones
26/07/10, 9:50 am
There are no words.
#4
BillyBatts
26/07/10, 9:51 am
This series is even better than those 80′s Nescafe adverts.
#5
HuntingJake
26/07/10, 9:54 am
What is this?, I don’t even…
#6
Blerk
26/07/10, 10:13 am
Heh heh – awesome! When’s the next one?
Oh yeah, and hurry up with the GTA announce. When’s the Max Payne 3 thing?
#7
Hunam
26/07/10, 10:17 am
I like how London is the only city in GTA to use it’s actual name.
#8
yamaz
26/07/10, 10:19 am
Guys, just give the goddamn news. This is boring.
#9
mington
26/07/10, 10:23 am
If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club
#10
deanimate
26/07/10, 10:36 am
GTA V is set in a shoe
#11
AHA-Lambda
26/07/10, 10:55 am
what is this, i dont even…
#12
www.Pro-eSports.com
26/07/10, 11:06 am
Is this just a made up story by the author or is this actualy news? If it’s news then what is the source?
#13
Psychotext
26/07/10, 11:07 am
What’s in the original article actually happened. It’s a true story, and it’s just that Pat leads an interesting life.
#14
Erthazus
26/07/10, 11:10 am
GTA V Holywood, O’RLY?
#15
daytripper
26/07/10, 11:26 am
i dont get this
#16
Zarckan
26/07/10, 11:33 am
I’d safer go with Los Santos as a whole, not just “Vinewood” ….
#17
Petulant Radish
26/07/10, 11:33 am
I also don’t understand this? Does it mean I effectively have the cognitive function of a cupcake or is it deliberately obtuse?
Aside from saying GTA V is set in Hollywood of course, which does seem a little small now you come to mention it.
#18
onlineatron
26/07/10, 11:35 am
So GTA is set in Patrick’s twisted mind?
News!
#19
Callum
26/07/10, 11:47 am
An odd story to wake up to on a Monday morning.
#20
Mafro
26/07/10, 11:57 am
Can you not just post the rumour in a non-self-fellating way?
#21
onlineatron
26/07/10, 12:02 pm
@Mafro
Shhh, watching Patrick stroke his mind penis is the highlight of my day!
I mean…. :/
#22
KAP
26/07/10, 12:05 pm
GTA 5 is set on the M25… figures. Lets hope it doesnt get crashes as much. Get it?
#23
daytripper
26/07/10, 12:07 pm
@22 that was poo poo
#24
KAP
26/07/10, 12:13 pm
@23 Yeah it was to be fair.
#25
LOLshock94
26/07/10, 12:15 pm
that was so unfunny
#26
No_PUDding
26/07/10, 12:16 pm
It’s better than the Nescafe, Renault Clio, and newer BT adverts combined.
I don’t get the funeral nd other times though. :/
#27
Tonka
26/07/10, 12:23 pm
Who’s gay?
#28
Enkeixpress
26/07/10, 1:53 pm
GTA V is set in London
#29
socojava
26/07/10, 2:17 pm
I’m 12 and what is this
#30
Dr.Ghettoblaster
26/07/10, 2:31 pm
Have to agree with #8…..I for one don’t have time to read all this non-sense. Just report the news please.
#31
soqquatto
26/07/10, 2:37 pm
this looks like clever, sounds like clever, smells like clever. but is it clever? it’s not. boring, more like.
#32
Psychotext
26/07/10, 2:40 pm
First time I’ve seen so many complaints about one of these.
#33
mington
26/07/10, 2:50 pm
i found it empowering
Hollywood is so blah, they should set it on Mars
#34
The Hindle
26/07/10, 3:15 pm
Im calling bullshit, no 1 Rockstar are a one game at a time company why would they announnce GTA at a Max payne 3 event which would then overshadow Max payne 3, like i said bullshit. As for the setting Eurogamer are backing this up so its looking likely.
#35
Dr.Ghettoblaster
26/07/10, 3:19 pm
@32 and Patrick Garratt:
I had to get the location of “Hollywood” from a different site cause at work I don’t have time to read all the dialoge/text in these types of “articles”..
#36
Blerk
26/07/10, 3:19 pm
Practically every other game news site on the internets is linking to this story now. Needless to say, not many non-VG247ers are ‘getting it’.
#37
The Hindle
26/07/10, 3:20 pm
#38
daytripper
26/07/10, 3:25 pm
@37 did you know, that in the next 27 years, Pat will lose all of his teeth?
#39
mington
26/07/10, 3:28 pm
from all the cock gobbling?
#40
Dr.Ghettoblaster
26/07/10, 3:30 pm
“next GTA rumored to be in Hollywood”.
That’s really all you need to say.
In fact, that’s what the other 5 sites (including IGN) DO say. Makes for a much easier read IMO for someone scanning articles. Again, just my personal feedback is all. Love this site – hate these type’s of “convo articles”.
#41
The Hindle
26/07/10, 3:31 pm
Hasnt GTA already done Hollywood tho with San andreas.
#42
daytripper
26/07/10, 3:38 pm
Rockstar definitely researching Hollywood
http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/rockstar-definitely-researching-hollywood
#43
mington
26/07/10, 3:44 pm
GTA Bollywood
Just by changing one letter, this game has become a million times more interesting
#44
The Hindle
26/07/10, 3:45 pm
How about GTA Basra? dodging IEDS as a mission.
#45
daytripper
26/07/10, 3:47 pm
GTA Vice City 2: Ray Liotta needed the money
#46
mington
26/07/10, 3:49 pm
If it is Hollywood, i really hope its set in the 1950′s or any other time period other then present day
present day is rubbish, far to muggy for my liking
#47
daytripper
26/07/10, 3:52 pm
@46 the 70s or 80s
. mingle in a club travolta is showing off in or go to a restaurant to get Judd Nelsons autograph on your Breakfast Club betamax tape
#48
freedoms_stain
26/07/10, 3:57 pm
@43, I can see it now, massively epic dance routine, all singing, all dancing, 200 cast, hero and heroine front and centre doing their shit, then BAM Mutha Fuckin 50′s US gas guzzling convertable (Indian copy) pulls a 180 right through the middle of the whole shebang leaving a perfect arc of scorched tyre marks and bloody mangled corpses.
Shiny sequenced bloody mangled corpses.
Get’s 50 yards down the road and BAM same thing happens again. Cus that’s how they roll in Bollywood yo. Can’t move for 200 strong dance routines.
#49
Dr.Ghettoblaster
26/07/10, 3:57 pm
I second #45!!!! LMFAO!!!!!!!!
#50
Kerplunk
26/07/10, 4:15 pm
When your regular readers resort to going elsewhere to get the information you’ve obnoxiously hidden in your self-fellating waffle, that’s a clear sign that you’re doing it wrong.
The only people that care about a journalist’s ego are other egotistical journalists.
Newer Comments