Sections

Rumour: “GTA V is set in…”

Monday, 26 July 2010 09:45 GMT By Patrick Garratt

heathrow

“Heathrow’s off at the next exit.”

“I should have bought my sat nav.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“This morning wasn’t so good.”
“I suppose it isn’t easy leaving them for trips.”
“Yes. Look.”
“What?”
“It was more than that. And this isn’t a trip, as such. Thanks for coming to help with the car.”
“It’s nothing. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Don’t, alright? Not now.”
“Sorry. What’s up?”
“I told her.”
“Told her what?”
“I told her I’m gay.”

[pause]

“What?”
“I told her I’m gay.”
“What?”
“I thought this is what you wanted.”
“Jesus. Well, yes. But. Fuck. Turn off here.”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure you’re gay?”
“The ‘bumming men’ gave it away, I think. Well, ‘bumming man’.”
“Really?”
“There was never anyone else.”
“Oh my God. What about the kids?”
“I don’t know. I’m dying. I just had to tell her and go.”
“I. I.”
“This isn’t about you. I mean, it is, but I had to do it. Pass me a cigarette, will you.”
“Yes. Here.”

[zippo]

“Thanks.”
“Look, I have to say this. Hang on: where the fuck are you going?”
“America. I’ll be back in about a month. I’m sorry. I know this isn’t ideal. I’m very glad you could come with me today.”
“There’s still an us?”
“Yes, of course.”
“OK. Look, I’m so sorry. About the funeral. And the other times. I’ll really try to lay off it from now on. I think I was hitting it so hard because of the situation between the two of us. I’ve been seriously fucked up by the whole thing.”
“I know. And I’m sorry too. I. I’m not normally such a cunt. I’ve been horrible to my wife. And to you.”
“Here.”
“Yes.”
“What did she say?”
“She said she knew something was going on, but when I told her it was a man she was stunned.”

[window, flicking sound]

“I know this sounds awful, but I’m extremely happy.”
“I know you are.”
“There’s a space there.”

[seatbelts and doors slamming. suitcase and boot. remote key lock. break in recording. static for approximately 11 minutes]

“OK. I’m going to check in.”
“Don’t.”
“I have to. I’m going.”
“No, I don’t mean that. I. Oh God. I.”
“What?”
“I love you.”

[pause. muffled tannoy]

“I love you too.”

[crying, a crushing sound]

“OK. I really am going.”
“OK. Please call me.”
“I will.”

[pause]

“Wait.”
“Yes?”
“What about that story you mentioned?”
“[laughs] You’re shocking.”
“Man’s got to live.”
“This is a big one. And they’re about to close your gate.”
“No problem. We’re in an airport. It’s full of planes.”
“It’s GTA V.”
“About time.”
“It’s not easy.”
“I know. Did you get the setting?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“And?”
“It’s set in Hollywood.”
“OK.”

[pause]

“Really?”
“That’s what I’ve been told.”
“Seems small.”
“Yeah, well. I didn’t make it.”
“Who?”
“Come on.”
“You asked Rockstar?”
“No comment.”
“Right.”
“They’re going to announce it soon.”
“When?”
“I don’t know. I think it’s going to be at the Max Payne 3 event. ‘Soon’ is all that was said. I doubt GI’s canvassing opinion on location for fun.”
“I saw that, yeah.”
“That’s it.”
“OK. I appreciate it.”
“No sweat. I’ve got another good one for you. Maybe that’ll help make your mind up about coming back from the US.”
“No doubt.”

[pause]

“Bye.”
“Bye.”

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91 Comments

  1. Tallon 4

    Wahaha! Awesome job :)

    #1 5 years ago
  2. Joe Anderson

    Legend.

    #2 5 years ago
  3. Danbojones

    There are no words.

    #3 5 years ago
  4. BillyBatts

    This series is even better than those 80′s Nescafe adverts.

    #4 5 years ago
  5. HuntingJake

    What is this?, I don’t even…

    #5 5 years ago
  6. Blerk

    Heh heh – awesome! When’s the next one? :-D

    Oh yeah, and hurry up with the GTA announce. When’s the Max Payne 3 thing?

    #6 5 years ago
  7. Hunam

    I like how London is the only city in GTA to use it’s actual name.

    #7 5 years ago
  8. yamaz

    Guys, just give the goddamn news. This is boring.

    #8 5 years ago
  9. mington

    If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club

    #9 5 years ago
  10. deanimate

    GTA V is set in a shoe

    #10 5 years ago
  11. AHA-Lambda

    what is this, i dont even…

    #11 5 years ago
  12. www.Pro-eSports.com

    Is this just a made up story by the author or is this actualy news? If it’s news then what is the source?

    #12 5 years ago
  13. Psychotext

    What’s in the original article actually happened. It’s a true story, and it’s just that Pat leads an interesting life.

    #13 5 years ago
  14. Erthazus

    GTA V Holywood, O’RLY?

    #14 5 years ago
  15. daytripper

    i dont get this

    #15 5 years ago
  16. Zarckan

    I’d safer go with Los Santos as a whole, not just “Vinewood” ….

    #16 5 years ago
  17. Petulant Radish

    I also don’t understand this? Does it mean I effectively have the cognitive function of a cupcake or is it deliberately obtuse?

    Aside from saying GTA V is set in Hollywood of course, which does seem a little small now you come to mention it.

    #17 5 years ago
  18. onlineatron

    So GTA is set in Patrick’s twisted mind?

    News!

    #18 5 years ago
  19. Callum

    An odd story to wake up to on a Monday morning.

    #19 5 years ago
  20. Mafro

    Can you not just post the rumour in a non-self-fellating way?

    #20 5 years ago
  21. onlineatron

    @Mafro

    Shhh, watching Patrick stroke his mind penis is the highlight of my day!

    I mean…. :/

    #21 5 years ago
  22. KAP

    GTA 5 is set on the M25… figures. Lets hope it doesnt get crashes as much. Get it?

    #22 5 years ago
  23. daytripper

    @22 that was poo poo

    #23 5 years ago
  24. KAP

    @23 Yeah it was to be fair.

    #24 5 years ago
  25. LOLshock94

    that was so unfunny

    #25 5 years ago
  26. No_PUDding

    It’s better than the Nescafe, Renault Clio, and newer BT adverts combined.

    I don’t get the funeral nd other times though. :/

    #26 5 years ago
  27. Tonka

    Who’s gay?

    #27 5 years ago
  28. Enkeixpress

    GTA V is set in London :)

    #28 5 years ago
  29. socojava

    I’m 12 and what is this

    #29 5 years ago
  30. Dr.Ghettoblaster

    Have to agree with #8…..I for one don’t have time to read all this non-sense. Just report the news please.

    #30 5 years ago
  31. soqquatto

    this looks like clever, sounds like clever, smells like clever. but is it clever? it’s not. boring, more like.

    #31 5 years ago
  32. Psychotext

    First time I’ve seen so many complaints about one of these.

    #32 5 years ago
  33. mington

    i found it empowering

    Hollywood is so blah, they should set it on Mars

    #33 5 years ago
  34. The Hindle

    Im calling bullshit, no 1 Rockstar are a one game at a time company why would they announnce GTA at a Max payne 3 event which would then overshadow Max payne 3, like i said bullshit. As for the setting Eurogamer are backing this up so its looking likely.

    #34 5 years ago
  35. Dr.Ghettoblaster

    @32 and Patrick Garratt:
    I had to get the location of “Hollywood” from a different site cause at work I don’t have time to read all the dialoge/text in these types of “articles”..

    #35 5 years ago
  36. Blerk

    Practically every other game news site on the internets is linking to this story now. Needless to say, not many non-VG247ers are ‘getting it’. :-D

    #36 5 years ago
  37. The Hindle

    :D Pat you have been burned today.

    #37 5 years ago
  38. daytripper

    @37 did you know, that in the next 27 years, Pat will lose all of his teeth?

    #38 5 years ago
  39. mington

    from all the cock gobbling?

    #39 5 years ago
  40. Dr.Ghettoblaster

    “next GTA rumored to be in Hollywood”.

    That’s really all you need to say.

    In fact, that’s what the other 5 sites (including IGN) DO say. Makes for a much easier read IMO for someone scanning articles. Again, just my personal feedback is all. Love this site – hate these type’s of “convo articles”. :)

    #40 5 years ago
  41. The Hindle

    Hasnt GTA already done Hollywood tho with San andreas.

    #41 5 years ago
  42. daytripper

    Rockstar definitely researching Hollywood

    http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/rockstar-definitely-researching-hollywood

    #42 5 years ago
  43. mington

    GTA Bollywood

    Just by changing one letter, this game has become a million times more interesting

    #43 5 years ago
  44. The Hindle

    How about GTA Basra? dodging IEDS as a mission.

    #44 5 years ago
  45. daytripper

    GTA Vice City 2: Ray Liotta needed the money

    #45 5 years ago
  46. mington

    If it is Hollywood, i really hope its set in the 1950′s or any other time period other then present day

    present day is rubbish, far to muggy for my liking

    #46 5 years ago
  47. daytripper

    @46 the 70s or 80s :-D. mingle in a club travolta is showing off in or go to a restaurant to get Judd Nelsons autograph on your Breakfast Club betamax tape

    #47 5 years ago
  48. freedoms_stain

    @43, I can see it now, massively epic dance routine, all singing, all dancing, 200 cast, hero and heroine front and centre doing their shit, then BAM Mutha Fuckin 50′s US gas guzzling convertable (Indian copy) pulls a 180 right through the middle of the whole shebang leaving a perfect arc of scorched tyre marks and bloody mangled corpses.

    Shiny sequenced bloody mangled corpses.

    Get’s 50 yards down the road and BAM same thing happens again. Cus that’s how they roll in Bollywood yo. Can’t move for 200 strong dance routines.

    #48 5 years ago
  49. Dr.Ghettoblaster

    I second #45!!!! LMFAO!!!!!!!!

    #49 5 years ago
  50. Kerplunk

    When your regular readers resort to going elsewhere to get the information you’ve obnoxiously hidden in your self-fellating waffle, that’s a clear sign that you’re doing it wrong.

    The only people that care about a journalist’s ego are other egotistical journalists.

    #50 5 years ago
  51. Blerk

    Is it really so hard to scan down the text and pick out the bit that’s actually about GTA? :-)

    #51 5 years ago
  52. Crysis

    There is no explanations to this, just seems like 2 people talking, i’m confused, WHERE’S THE SUBTEXT FOR US LAZY, DUMB ARSES OUTHERE!?!?!

    #52 5 years ago
  53. mington

    Every time someone reads this article a fairy dies

    #53 5 years ago
  54. Gekidami

    Hum, i could be wrong but wasnt Vinewood a part of SA?

    #54 5 years ago
  55. Blerk

    Do you mean fairies, or ‘fairies’?

    #55 5 years ago
  56. Kerplunk

    @51 About as hard to scan past a comment that you may wish to ignore. ;)

    When that IGNORE button comes in can we get a “strip out the egotistical wankfiction and cut to the chase” button please?

    #56 5 years ago
  57. Dr.Ghettoblaster

    @51. Yes. Annoying as hell too. :)

    #57 5 years ago
  58. Patrick Garratt

    Good Lord. I think I’ll open the ongoing plot up to public poll. Like the BT ads. And Gears of War 3.

    *cigar*

    #58 5 years ago
  59. aleFH

    What the fuck is this? O_o

    #59 5 years ago
  60. G1GAHURTZ

    Ohhhh… I get it!

    Pat’s coming out.

    #60 5 years ago
  61. yacaman

    Hollywood

    “No problem. We’re in an airport. It’s full of planes.”
    “It’s GTA V.”
    “About time.”
    “It’s not easy.”
    “I know. Did you get the setting?”
    “Yeah, I did.”
    “And?”
    “It’s set in Hollywood.”
    “OK.”

    #61 5 years ago
  62. walk_star

    Write real articles please.

    #62 5 years ago
  63. Howie Feltersnatch

    This dialoge in place of where an article should be, makes the author look like an arrogant, conceeded prick. Not to mention an idiot given his response above…

    I’ll get my news elsewhere, thanks Patrick Garratt.

    #63 5 years ago
  64. Boris Fett

    @63 Don’t let the door hit you on the way out! =D

    #64 5 years ago
  65. Moonwalker1982

    So London? Hmmm…..don’t know about that one. For me what was missing in GTA IV was the countryside, everything non-city that was in San Andreas. Forests,mountains, you name it. I surely hope we’ll get to see more than just the city London with also outside of it.

    Oh wait, i read wrong. Its Hollywood…but everything else i said, i hope that’ll be in V too.

    #65 5 years ago
  66. Herlock

    Tired about US…, need GTA in Europe PLZ!!!

    #66 5 years ago
  67. Yoshi

    Wheres Vice City Damit!

    #67 5 years ago
  68. AHA-Lambda

    vice city 2!!!!

    and yeah seriously don’t do this shit again, skimming this i thought it was london it was set in and got kinda excited then i read the full thing. Hollywood is fine but london would be really cool

    A) why just why was this done like this
    B) you didn’t even state where the info came from!!

    so yeah….
    http://knowyourmeme.com/i/125/original/wrong10.jpg

    #68 5 years ago
  69. Mike

    If he states where the info came from, he’ll never be trusted with inside info again. Surely this is clearly obvious.

    #69 5 years ago
  70. AHA-Lambda

    i dont mean anything specific but even just a simple statement like “vg247 has been informed from an independent source that GTA V is possibly being set in hollywood” insteda of this guff.

    There’s a difference between that and just saying hollywood is the location within some weird ,arbitrary fictional backdrop like this

    #70 5 years ago
  71. Boris Fett

    Or how about people lighten up and just take it for what it is? Pat isn’t exactly known for being a dishonest reporter, so bitching about the way its written is utterly meaningless. The news is still being reported.

    Pat has been doing this for years, and he’ll be doing it for years to come. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Fucking entitled internet whiners. Jesus.

    #71 5 years ago
  72. Stephany Nunneley

    @71 Just for that Boris, I’ll be your Natasha any day :D

    #72 5 years ago
  73. Boris Fett

    @73 I’m not entirely sure what that’s means, but it sounds hot. *laughs* So okay, gladly!

    #73 5 years ago
  74. Psychotext

    Rocky and Bullwinkle

    #74 5 years ago
  75. Jun284

    What the hell is this dialogue bullshit??? Can’t you people just give straight news articles??? Is this a made up convo or one that actually happened? Who were the people talking??? I couldn’t care less about some homo telling a woman that he takes it up the butt.

    #75 5 years ago
  76. Psychotext

    It’s happened about four times in the last three years. Get over yourself.

    #76 5 years ago
  77. Boris Fett

    @75 Then go find your news somewhere else. The GROWN-UPS are too busy having a laugh at this to care.

    Don’t take the internet so goddamn seriously.

    #77 5 years ago
  78. Mike

    OMG this article is different and not straightforward, therefore I don’t like it. It demands that I use my brain a bit and doesn’t spell things out for me clearly.

    I hate life.

    #78 5 years ago
  79. Blerk

    Well, one thing’s for sure – after the reaction to this article today you can pretty much bet that Pat’ll…. be doing it again sooner rather than later. :-D

    #79 5 years ago
  80. Tonka

    Hahah, ROLF! Zippo, not zippER!

    Hahaha ;_;
    I read it wrong the first time.

    gods…

    Is this parodying anything btw? It feels as if something is going over my head…

    #80 5 years ago
  81. Johnny Cullen

    I feel the space and time continuum has ripped a bit after yesterday.

    #81 5 years ago
  82. Mike

    Yeah, I can smell it, too.

    #82 5 years ago
  83. BLunted

    what the fuck is this shit? can’t you just write a simple article?

    #83 5 years ago
  84. mington

    This article has made my anus bleed

    …or maybe that was the beerwurst

    #84 5 years ago
  85. daytripper

    @83 is your head made of lego?

    #85 5 years ago
  86. mington

    that would be sweet

    #86 5 years ago
  87. BLunted

    @85

    why? because I would like to get the gist without having to be subjected to some lame-ass attempt at writing a screenplay?

    #87 5 years ago
  88. daytripper

    I cant say, i’m under NDA

    #88 5 years ago
  89. mington

    I 4 won h8d it!!11!!1!

    Pat should cut off the fingers he used to type it with

    #89 5 years ago
  90. PopTarTs

    (I registered just to say this)For this new Grand Theft Auto (if it ever comes out)since there going back to Hollywood my suggestion is that they use C.J. from the original San Andreas for this new version of San Andreas,I think people would be very happy to see him still alive and kickin’ ass,but still its just a thought

    #90 5 years ago
  91. Crysis

    ya posted 12 days too late, this news is old

    #91 5 years ago

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